Respect my voodoo. Even if you don't know me, respect my voodoo.
As I was leaving the workout facility I frequent this evening, something happened that shouldn't have happened. I was walking down the sidewalk towards the parking lot, and I noticed this guy semi-running more like jogging from a distance. He was very well dressed, sharp looking fellow but had this look of fretfulness all over his face. As we're approaching each other he glances at his watch and the clumsy bastard runs into me abrasively and I fall to the ground. He keeps running. No sorry, no excuse me, nothing... so I stand up and yell "HEY FUC
K YOU BLUD!!!" (trying to be hip I guess; I'm sure 'e-ga' would have thrown him off even more).
As I yelled that shit I tried like hell to do my best impression of Illionfan's "Hey Fu*k You Kyle Orton!" but at any rate... the guy turned his head still running and says "I'm sorry man I'm late as all hell having a date with the woman of my dreams!" ... and I'm not exactly sure why, but yeah, it pissed me off. My facial expression went from perplexed to malevolent. So I walk to my car as if nothing ever happened - but
- something did happen. I pop the trunk, and wouldn't you know? ... I have a Voo|doo on-the-go kit. So I put together a voodoo doll for you-know-who; tossed some magic voodoo dust in the air, started chanting, rolled my eyes in the back of my head and just like that, ready.
There's this upper class restaurant right down the street where all that mess just occurred, so I figured guy all dressed up in a hurry, was going to that spot to meet up with this so called dream girl. I was right, jackass was right there by the window, him and his bit*h sippin' on some ^ $$$ wine. Holding hands, she's blushing, he's got this big chump ass smile on his face. Total fu*king bullshit if you ask. I'm about to put a stop to this mess.
I'm a master voodoo champion, and the man gonna pay. So there I am, across the street watching all this monkey shit go down as cars go by. The voodoo doll in one hand, I pull a water pistol out my pocket with the other. SPAT! SPAT! ... two powerful water stings gushing into the man's face. Water rickashay'd all over the place. All over his date's dress, dinner, everyfukinwhere. People all around like WTF? SPAT! SPAT! DID IT AGAIN! Old women are borderline fainting, waiters and waitresses are running around consumed in the chaos.
The man can barely breathe... SPAT! SPAT! People start running for the door and out into the streets they go. His woman left him too. Poor fella. SPAT! SPAT! ... SPAT! SPAT! I hear sirens now and see a fire truck coming down the street. Are they going to extinguish water with water?
I put the watergun back in my pocket and left the scene. What am I going to do with the voodoo doll? I don't know. Might save it for a rainy day. Literally, take it outside when it's pouring and set that little sumbeech right under the gutter where all the water drains.
Since I've learned all this voodoo stuff, I can't get enough of it. Stupid Josh, very stupid.