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Old 08-07-2007, 01:32 PM   #1
geeWiz15
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Default Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Joe Macho: he is so insecure that he thinks he's being a wimp if he calls a blatant shooting foul. The other team catches on to this and hacks him every single time he goes up, knowing he'll never call the foul because of some retarded Code of Honor that says calling fouls is for queers. Gigantic liability with the game on the line because players will straight up rape him when he's got the ball in his hands knowing he won't call it.

Kobe: this refers to the douchebox that yells "Kobe!" whenever he shoots and, authentically enough, it's usually a contested pullup jumper that promptly bounces off the outside of the rim and leaves mutinous thoughts in his teammates.

Johnny Obnoxious: everything is ****ing hilarious when you're Johnny Obnoxious. This is always a scrawny white guy with little to no hair. He's a pretty good athlete who makes a big show out of rimming out 20 or 30 dunks in a row during shootaround (he always claps loudly or goes "AAAAGH" on each miss as if he can't believe this one didn't drop). Everything Johnny Obnoxious does must be a highlight reel play. if it's not a contested 3, a spike block, or taking place behind his back or between his legs, he is not interested.

Yao Ming: this is the 5'4 asian kid who absolutely wrecks house by running circles around everyone and scores half his team's points without his facial expression changing even a smidgen. He's a sick athlete with automatic handles who couldn't be farther from Yao Ming but because he's asian everyone calls him Yao Ming.

Larry Bird: any unathletic white guy who is still good and shoots well, regardless of how completely dissimilar his game might be to Bird's.

Tyrone Varsity: he is black. Very black. So black he sucks up all the light in the room. He wears a scowl and is probably baked at the moment. He is lanky with well defined biceps and $200 shoes. He does not speak. He does not break into a sprint at any time. His legs are of the thickness of a can of soda and his shorts begin at his thighs and end at his ankles. He comes in groups of 2 to 8, but usually only one or two play at a time while the rest watch from the sidelines and joke among themselves. The competition here, wherever he is, is completely beneath him, and he responds by playing lazy as if he were half-asleep and having next to no impact on the game.

The Point Guard: this guy got point. You hear me? HE GOT POINT. Pass him the ball, because he got point. Ignore the fact that he's the second tallest player on the team, ignore the fact that he cannot pass, ignore the fact that he's a physical monster who should be posting up. No. this guy got point. He will dribble up, and either chuck a 3 or pass the ball off and sit there at the top of the key with his thumb up his ass calling for the ball. He is always calling for the ball and he is never in scoring position. And he always has just enough combination of charisma and intimidation so that nobody ever sets him straight.

Add your own
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Old 08-07-2007, 01:38 PM   #2
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Johny "Need Deoderant"- Absolutely the most sweatiest guy out there. Generally wears the same shirt over and over. B.O. an option. You acidentally rub face on his body and a mysterious rash appears on your cheek. But he always brings his own ball, and it's usually the best one on the court so you let him stay.
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Old 08-07-2007, 01:39 PM   #3
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by geeWiz15
The Point Guard: this guy got point. You hear me? HE GOT POINT. Pass him the ball, because he got point. Ignore the fact that he's the second tallest player on the team, ignore the fact that he cannot pass, ignore the fact that he's a physical monster who should be posting up. No. this guy got point. He will dribble up, and either chuck a 3 or pass the ball off and sit there at the top of the key with his thumb up his ass calling for the ball. He is always calling for the ball and he is never in scoring position. And he always has just enough combination of charisma and intimidation so that nobody ever sets him straight.

Add your own

For some people going to the park and beasting on kids in the post is not fun...Trust me thats why I run point at the park, Yes Im better in the post and if my team is losing I might go there but Im usually play the point and try to be a playmaker because its more fun for me because I never go to play pg..

So that guy who is the Pg is prob me...But my teams win though...

I hate guy that tries to fight you over the smallest fouls...Like by smacking him on the arm I really was trying to call him out...Like I was trying to punch him in the face

Last edited by IGOTGAME : 08-07-2007 at 01:43 PM.
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Old 08-07-2007, 01:40 PM   #4
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hateraid
Johny "Need Deoderant"- Absolutely the most sweatiest guy out there. Generally wears the same shirt over and over. B.O. an option. You acidentally rub face on his body and a mysterious rash appears on your cheek. But he always brings his own ball, and it's usually the best one on the court so you let him stay.
OMFG
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Old 08-07-2007, 01:41 PM   #5
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

The Guy That Just Stands There: The guy that catches the ball, and shoots. Purely. That's it. Catch, and shoot. Doesn't dribble much or at all, only shoots, or passes. Stands in one spot for most of the game. Usually pretty clutch.
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Old 08-07-2007, 01:44 PM   #6
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Napoleon-He's the short, fast, pesky guy who plays outta control at times. He hounds you on defense to show that his short statue isn't a detriment. He takes it to ultra-hounding if you just happen to swat him or pick his pocket. In a real game he'd probably foul out for reaching in and slapping in about 10 minutes.
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Old 08-07-2007, 01:46 PM   #7
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Good thread, considering I just played some good PUGs last night (we never lost), and play about 3 nights a week.

AI: This is the 16 year old thug who thinks he's Allen Iverson. Will attempt to cross over and drive to the lane every possession. Similar to Kobe, except he is a total punk. Will either get smashed in the lane from the triple coverage that is waiting for him (sometimes whining and calling a foul because he couldn't score over 3 big guys), or will jack up a very long (usually contested) jumpshot if he is lazy. Passing is not an option. Defense is optional, but usually ignored. Could be an amazing player, but his attitude is terrible.

Dirk Nowtizki: This is the 6'8" white dude who refuses to post up and will shoot long jumpers all day long. Then get angry when he misses most of them, instead of getting incredibly easy buckets inside.

Annoying Kid With Average Skills But Big Mouth: Yeah, self explanatory.

I can't think of any else right now...
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Old 08-07-2007, 01:46 PM   #8
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hateraid
Johny "Need Deoderant"- Absolutely the most sweatiest guy out there. Generally wears the same shirt over and over. B.O. an option. You acidentally rub face on his body and a mysterious rash appears on your cheek. But he always brings his own ball, and it's usually the best one on the court so you let him stay.



Handles: The guy who can dribble the lights out. No matter how good of a defender you are, you cannot steal from this guy while he dribbles. Of course he is assisted by a multitude of carrying moves, but nobody calls it in a pick up game. If he breaks your ankles, he won't drive, he will wait for you to get up to cause more humiliation of him looking down upon the fallin defender. He eventually pulls up for the shot even though he could have easily drove to the hoop. In addition, this guy usually cannot attempt a pass if he is looking at his target.
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Old 08-07-2007, 01:47 PM   #9
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.



We have a dude like that at the gym. We call him Coast Guard. He busted some dude's nose by going up wildly for a rebound...

...dude was on his own team.

Quote:
Originally Posted by glidedrxlr22
Napoleon-He's the short, fast, pesky guy who plays outta control at times. He hounds you on defense to show that his short statue isn't a detriment. He takes it to ultra-hounding if you just happen to swat him or pick his pocket. In a real game he'd probably foul out for reaching in and slapping in about 10 minutes.
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Old 08-07-2007, 01:48 PM   #10
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by glidedrxlr22
Napoleon-He's the short, fast, pesky guy who plays outta control at times. He hounds you on defense to show that his short statue isn't a detriment. He takes it to ultra-hounding if you just happen to swat him or pick his pocket. In a real game he'd probably foul out for reaching in and slapping in about 10 minutes.

thats me....

theres always a player just stays on one side of the court by the basket (usually offense) and never moves unless someone throws the ball to him when hes wide open
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Old 08-07-2007, 01:48 PM   #11
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Harry Manbush: Looks like Chewbacca in basketball shorts. The hairiest dude in the universe, and somehow he always winds up on the skins team. Usually traded to the shirts, not because he sucks, but because nobody, not even his own teammates, want to continue looking at that.

Jarvis Critcize-a-ton: Dude is more competitive with his own teammates than with the other squad. Yells at guys for missing shots, turning the ball over, or not rolling out of a pick. Despite his self-proclaimed genius basketball mind, never shoots better than about 2-8. Usually on the losing team and blames everyone else.

Geriatric West: Old guy that doesn't rebound, run, or play defense. But he also doesn't turn it over, and he takes three shots a game, usually from midrange, and hits all of them.
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Old 08-07-2007, 01:49 PM   #12
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Richie2k6
The Guy That Just Stands There: The guy that catches the ball, and shoots. Purely. That's it. Catch, and shoot. Doesn't dribble much or at all, only shoots, or passes. Stands in one spot for most of the game. Usually pretty clutch.


Hmmmm that sounds like my boy Ray Allen.. But Ray moves from time to time...
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Old 08-07-2007, 01:49 PM   #13
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

"New York" Mike--Guy who is from New York (or another big city) who overrates himself 10x because he played in New York, although it probably was the suburbs. Often seen calling for the ball, giving one jab step and launching. Goes 3-12 every game, but every game is just an "off game." The one spectacular, moderately lucky, play he makes, he overrates saying something like "That's how we do it in New York baby." Also prone to not play defense and to throw a circus pass that doesn't come within 10 feet of anyone, but he'll tell the closest guy that he should have been in said spot to catch the pass. May also call something like a "moving pick" at least once a game.
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Old 08-07-2007, 01:50 PM   #14
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

The lawyer-This guy never commits a foul and has every foul in the book committed to him. At least that's what he thinks. He'll argue about it and when he's wrong he won't admit it. He'll just say, "Whatever, let's just play."
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Old 08-07-2007, 01:50 PM   #15
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

The Black Hole

This is the guy who thinks he is so much better than anybody else on the court that once you throw the ball to him, you NEVER see it again. He tends to take the "1 on 5" approach, overdribbling and hucking up a contested shot over and over again. The remaining four players on his team spend the entire game running from one end to the other repeatedly until the other team eventually wins because they understand the team concept and do not have a black hole of their own. This guy is usually an acceptional athlete but can't shoot to save his life and usually shoots 15 to %20.
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