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Old 08-07-2007, 01:51 PM   #16
Chuck Thou NBA
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

How about the guy who does every little thing for you team, sets screens, rebounds, steals the ball even though he may hack the sH!t out of the opponent, and runs up and down the floor each play just to get the offensive rebound or lay it in... but this guy can't shoot to save his life, and his dribbling is the most horrible thing you've seen in your life.
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Old 08-07-2007, 01:51 PM   #17
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Myth


Handles: The guy who can dribble the lights out. No matter how good of a defender you are, you cannot steal from this guy while he dribbles. Of course he is assisted by a multitude of carrying moves, but nobody calls it in a pick up game. If he breaks your ankles, he won't drive, he will wait for you to get up to cause more humiliation of him looking down upon the fallin defender. He eventually pulls up for the shot even though he could have easily drove to the hoop. In addition, this guy usually cannot attempt a pass if he is looking at his target.
Damn! I know a guy who plays just like that!
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Old 08-07-2007, 01:58 PM   #18
glidedrxlr22
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

The professor: The goofy looking...usually white kid...who looks like he should be playing tetherball. He doesn't say much when he arrives, but he's usually there shooting alone with his own ball. He's invited to play cause there's not enough players. Then sucka just turns it on! Handles, outside shoot, smooth moves to the basket. Boy's got skills!
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Old 08-07-2007, 01:59 PM   #19
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

"Fake Injury" Lenny--A guy ranging from 20-35 whose friends prod him to come out an play ball, while he'd rather be on his couch eating pizza and watching. Reluctantly, he puts on his seldom used athletic shorts and a "1996-97 Park District Champions t-shirt." Arriving at the park, he takes a few half assed warm-up shots. When play begins, he finds he is severely out of shape and can barely make it up the court or contribute. Usually when the score is 5-3, he leaps for a rebound, doesn't get it, and then comes down howling in pain. Usually about his back or left knee. His friends gather round and he decides he can't play anymore and goes and sits on the sidelines to watch. When he leaves with his friends he is smiling, joking with no hints of the "injury." At least until the next time his friends ask him to play...
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:01 PM   #20
dgbigballer9329
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Earl Badu-Just randomly picked up some scrub, sub-6 footish former-college player who's more unstoppable in pick-up than some legitimately decent NBA players would be. Has a f*cking HANDLE and can shoot the lights out from anywhere on the court. Is fast as lightning bruh, and built like a teenage mutant ninja turtle. Doesn't pass, but who cares? In a rec basketball game he'll explode for 50+ points. No attempt at D but his team is runnin sh*t, so again, who cares? Before and after the game, you can catch Earl Badu-types throwing alleys to himself but he just can't quite get the dunk down, or its one of those ugly, rim-scratchers. For such a pickup demon, surprisingly quiet though.

Miyagi-Old, out-of-shape Asian (no offense) that has no idea how to play and says things like "shot, good, good" for no particular reason. Absolutely atrocious court awareness, and that's not even my forte.....but I'm talkin like, this guy will get in the way, screening his own players as guys maneuver to the cup. Doesn't shoot, rather throws up hook shots. Will put a body on you in an almost dirty way, but you can't get mad because he doesn't realize it. Often wearing a basketball jersey like a throwback Patrick Ewing even though he damn sure has never heard of him.

Nik Caner-Medley-Tall, athletic guy that brings his mediocre, disinterested sorostitute girlfriend to watch him show off. Surprisingly poor in pickup atmosphere. Misses shots then loafs to act like he's not trying, just chillin. Type to wear one sock all the way up and the other one is an ankle sock, one shoe untied and maybe even puts gel in his hair for some reason, even though he's playing ball. Type of player that people make fun of after he leaves and for the rest of their lives.

Good Charlotte/Simple Plan-This guy just gets on my nerves. We're talking about a skinny 15-year old with absolutely no skills whatsoever, probably wears a red/white/blue wristband and one of those other wrist accessories despite not breaking a sweat and not being at the mall, dude. You can't describe someone that plays worse defense, and an outta control ball-handler. Shot may be surprisingly decent, but never has an open look. Will just f*ck your team right up. Usually has hair that goes every which way. I'm just a kiiiiid!!!!
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:02 PM   #21
Yossarian22
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

COACH: Similar to Javaris mentioned above - never ceases being Bob Knight Incarnate. While on your team, SCREAMS at you to set a pick here, cut there, BOX OUT FOR GOD'S SAKE! Makes a not-so-subtle tsk-tsk noise after a fade-away, followed by him beckoning for the ball on the next possession. Prone to getting dunked on by a bored Tyrone Varsity.

DAVID BECKHAM: Don't let him get too close to the lane without an ambulance nearby. Vince Carter-esque specimen takes hits that most feathers could withstand and goes down flailing, screaming for the game to stop while he clutches his ankle. Limps up and down the court shortly thereafter, resigned to shooting long jumpers and not playing defense ("I'm hurt, you see this? I'm HURT! You play D!").

D-WHISTLE: D-Whistle has a motion sensor built into his brain. If someone ventures within 3 feet of him, he or she has committed an EGREGIOUS foul. DW doesn't stop whining about fouls. Oddly enough, this sensor increases to 7 feet when the game's on the line.

DAVID LEE: Hard-working, straight-up good guy who genuinely wants the game to be fun, yet competes for the win. Doesn't call BS fouls, tries not to irritate teammates, looks for the open man and plays great defense. Doesn't get on team mates when they screw up, offers gentle advice when appropriate and hustles for every loose ball/rebound. Last seen in 1972.
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:02 PM   #22
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

The Streetballer - The guy who thinks everyone will think he's so good because he can dance while dribbling, but gets laughed at by experienced ballers who see him make 5 moves while standing in the same spot and never even trying to get to the hoop.

The Holistic Hooper - The guy who immediately starts complaining about some fake health problem or minor injury that he has when he's playing like garbage. Often cradles "injured" body parts when the ball isn't in play to try and convince people that he really doesn't suck, he's just "injured" and playing through the pain.

Stevie Wonder - Once he gets the ball, he immediately becomes blind to everything else on the court, and immediately slashes to the hoop, without bothering to check to see how many defenders (or teammates) are already under the basket. Usually gets called for an offensive foul, gets blocked, or throws up a wild shot when everyone collapses.

The Clueless Guy - The shortest and least skilled guy on the court who knows he's overmatched but tries to make up for it by shooting every time he touches the ball, and then complains about getting fouled when he bricks the shot, in a feeble attempt to try and hide the fact that he sucks. Shooting percentages are a completely foreign concept to the Clueless Guy, as he'll keep shooting even if he's 1 for 20 and has been blocked 10 times.

The Football Star - The uber-athletic guy whose specialty is not basketball, with no discernable skills, and can't score anything other than a layup, but dominates everyone with his hustle. He runs around frantically at 1,000 mph, gets about 10 steals a game, but will brick 9 of the corresponding layups.

The Wrestling Star - A poor man's Football Star, without the quickness and ability to dominate. Plays utterly out of control and plays defense by hacking and bodychecking. Usually ends up injuring at least one person during the course of a game.

Mr. Predictable - The guy who has crazy skills, and is a dangerous scorer, but only has one go-to move. He'll get three buckets in a row until you figure out his move, and then proceed to go scoreless the rest of the game when you shut him down.

Last edited by Chef : 08-08-2007 at 01:56 PM.
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:02 PM   #23
NYKnicks914
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

the Clown -- The best player in the gym, quiet, humble, and very tall, does not travel alone. He brings his short, fat, obnoxious friend with him. Somehow they always end up on the same team. If you are on a team with the duo, you do not shoot. You get yelled at by the Clown when you do. Shots are strictly for Clown and his friend. Mostly for the Clown.
The Clown tries every street move in the book. Unsuccesfully. Behind the back passes that fly out of bounds 8 feet away from the nearest teammate are aplenty. Crazy layups arc 15' up in the air, and usually hit nothing but some backboard.

When they aren't on the same team, the Clown ends up guarding his friend and gets dumped on. He doesn't care though. The clown knows (thinks) he is better than you, and that is all that matters. When guarding other players, he fouls the **** out of them and if you call anything, it's because you don't have a pair of working testes downstairs.

The Clown's team always wins, because when it comes down to it, the Clown's friend scores whenever he wants and keeps his team on the court.

Last edited by NYKnicks914 : 08-07-2007 at 02:05 PM.
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:03 PM   #24
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

coach: older guy who's getting a little dumpy, might be wearing sweatbands. you'll know him by the way he yells at you whenever anything bad happens. if you missed a cutter that he saw, if you didn't roll the way he expected on a pick and roll he'll let you know. if the other team gets a rebound, even a defensive rebound, he'll remind you to box out. loudly. he'll tell you to feed the ball into the post no matter how much of the defense is camped out in the paint, and he'll be very angry at you if you don't shoot when you're open. and he hates your defensive rotation which is always late and usually wrong. didn't you know we were switching screens going left and trapping going right? is he the only guy out here who's been paying attention? and it's not that he's wrong, it's just that he's an a$$hole.

edit - somebody beat me to it!
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:04 PM   #25
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dgbigballer9329
Earl Badu-Just randomly picked up some scrub, sub-6 footish former-college player who's more unstoppable in pick-up than some legitimately decent NBA players would be. Has a f*cking HANDLE and can shoot the lights out from anywhere on the court. Is fast as lightning bruh, and built like a teenage mutant ninja turtle. Doesn't pass, but who cares? In a rec basketball game he'll explode for 50+ points. No attempt at D but his team is runnin sh*t, so again, who cares? Before and after the game, you can catch Earl Badu-types throwing alleys to himself but he just can't quite get the dunk down, or its one of those ugly, rim-scratchers. For such a pickup demon, surprisingly quiet though.

Miyagi-Old, out-of-shape Asian (no offense) that has no idea how to play and says things like "shot, good, good" for no particular reason. Absolutely atrocious court awareness, and that's not even my forte.....but I'm talkin like, this guy will get in the way, screening his own players as guys maneuver to the cup. Doesn't shoot, rather throws up hook shots. Will put a body on you in an almost dirty way, but you can't get mad because he doesn't realize it. Often wearing a basketball jersey like a throwback Patrick Ewing even though he damn sure has never heard of him.

Nik Caner-Medley-Tall, athletic guy that brings his mediocre, disinterested sorostitute girlfriend to watch him show off. Surprisingly poor in pickup atmosphere. Misses shots then loafs to act like he's not trying, just chillin. Type to wear one sock all the way up and the other one is an ankle sock, one shoe untied and maybe even puts gel in his hair for some reason, even though he's playing ball. Type of player that people make fun of after he leaves and for the rest of their lives.

Good Charlotte/Simple Plan-This guy just gets on my nerves. We're talking about a skinny 15-year old with absolutely no skills whatsoever, probably wears a red/white/blue wristband and one of those other wrist accessories despite not breaking a sweat and not being at the mall, dude. You can't describe someone that plays worse defense, and an outta control ball-handler. Shot may be surprisingly decent, but never has an open look. Will just f*ck your team right up. Usually has hair that goes every which way. I'm just a kiiiiid!!!!

I'm telling blaze
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:07 PM   #26
Da KO King
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by glidedrxlr22
The professor: The goofy looking...usually white kid...who looks like he should be playing tetherball. He doesn't say much when he arrives, but he's usually there shooting alone with his own ball. He's invited to play cause there's not enough players. Then sucka just turns it on! Handles, outside shoot, smooth moves to the basket. Boy's got skills!
If Professor could actually play real basketball this would be fitting. How about we change this to "the Mullin"?
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:08 PM   #27
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Pick up ball is something I tend to stay away from in most cases. A lot of people around here decide that it's going to be the "me" show and not play team basketball. Team basketball will always be greater than individual, moreso in pick-up than "real" basketball.

Who wants to fight through sceens all day long in a pick-up game? Nobody. Who wants to have the patience to run a play on offense? Nobody. Then again, most people think it's a time to showcase your own individual skills...and losing isn't taken that seriously when it doesn't mean anything. I'm not one of them.

If I'm playing with friends, or on a team with friends...then it's cool. We've played together for a long time and we are all unselfish....but playing with people you don't really know is tough, and most times not fun.

We have this little spring league thats local and I was fortunate enough to play with most of my buddies, but there were some guys who were younger that I didn't know that was on my team.

When I was on with them I tried my hardest to make the game fun for them as well, as I had the fortune of being the main ball handler. Even though they weren't the greatest skill players, my understanding is you win as a team, and lose as one. If they were open the ball was going to be delievered to them....

Too many people nowadays will drive the lane, the defense collapses and they still force something up while two guys are wide open. It's pretty discouraging to be one of those open guys and see a forced shot go up that bricks.
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:09 PM   #28
Yossarian22
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dejordan
coach: older guy who's getting a little dumpy, might be wearing sweatbands. you'll know him by the way he yells at you whenever anything bad happens. if you missed a cutter that he saw, if you didn't roll the way he expected on a pick and roll he'll let you know. if the other team gets a rebound, even a defensive rebound, he'll remind you to box out. loudly. he'll tell you to feed the ball into the post no matter how much of the defense is camped out in the paint, and he'll be very angry at you if you don't shoot when you're open. and he hates your defensive rotation which is always late and usually wrong. didn't you know we were switching screens going left and trapping going right? is he the only guy out here who's been paying attention? and it's not that he's wrong, it's just that he's an a$$hole.

edit - somebody beat me to it!

We must play at the same gym :)
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:17 PM   #29
dgbigballer9329
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Quote:
Pick up ball is something I tend to stay away from in most cases. A lot of people around here decide that it's going to be the "me" show and not play team basketball. Team basketball will always be greater than individual, moreso in pick-up than "real" basketball.

That's something only someone who really sucks would say.

Quote:
The Football Star - The uber-athletic guy whose specialty is not basketball, with no discernable skills, and can't score anything other than a layup, but dominates everyone with his hustle. He runs around frantically at 1,000 mph, gets about 10 steals a game, but will brick 9 of the corresponding layups.

Yeeeeeah I've played that guy. Guarded some guy that played for the MD Terp football team one time, i think he was the backup safety but I don't know what his name was. He wasn't skilled but I've never been D'ed up like that.....I was running point in this particular pickup game but was legitimately scared to handle the ball around him. I couldn't get by him, and he had a way of bouncing you off of him to completely throw off whatever you were trying to do. This guy just locked me up, I can't even stress this enough. On top of that he didn't really rebound of but would just rip the ball away from people who did. This dude was a beast. And someone will half-ass get in a confrontation with him but then play it off when sh*t gets hot because he really doesn't want any kinda piece of him.
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:18 PM   #30
CakeorDeath
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

This has turned into quite a large pickup game...
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