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Old 08-07-2007, 02:24 PM   #31
Chef
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

The Loaded Weapon - The guy who is easily the best player on the court, and could single-handedly win a game, but always plays passively because he wants everyone else to have fun. Good guy to play with until the game is on the line and you wish he'd just take over, but instead he passes to the least skilled guy on the court for the game winner to try and "increase his confidence", and you lose the game.
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:24 PM   #32
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Quote:
We must play at the same gym
you both must be former teamamtes of mine. I know everybody hates it but I can't help it.

I'm known to yell "PASS IT OUT! PASS IT OUT! RESET!" and then the guy takes this terrible shot and I yell "NO" or something and he nets it. Every time. It's not like I'm even wrong, the advice I'm giving is correct but I always come out looking like a moron

Last edited by geeWiz15 : 08-07-2007 at 02:27 PM.
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:25 PM   #33
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Quote:
That's something only someone who really sucks would say.

Depends on what you define as "suck."

I can dribble, pass, shoot off the dribble or spot up. Play defense. Post up.

I can upload my Highschool DVD for you if you wish and take a look for yourself....I probably should just to stop you from ASSuming things. Bad habit to have.
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:28 PM   #34
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

http://umterps.cstv.com/sports/m-foo...e_jamal01.html



Jamal Chance, that's the dude that had me under arrest out there.
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:31 PM   #35
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dgbigballer9329
That's something only someone who really sucks would say.


.

Nope...Its frustrating playing ball with people who have no idea how to play...Because they force you to go into me first attitude because they dont ever move into the right spots, provide proper spacing or make proper reads...

The most rewarding experience I ever had a park was briing my boy(great shooter) and three girls from the college team to the park and running the courts for 6 straight games and leaving without a loss... All we did was run screen and rolls, give and goes, and hit the open person for good shots...It didnt hurt that every1 on our squad was a shooter..But it was funny watching pretty good competition get beat by 2 dudes and 3 girls..And before it wouldnt happen to you, it prob would...
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:33 PM   #36
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Ok.
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:37 PM   #37
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Last night was a fine example as to why I play at the gym. We had a good team of 4 guys who played hard and were unselfish. They weren't the best guys on the court, but we all worked together.

Now on the other hand, some times I'll go there and it'll be nothing but punks. Kids who think they're AI. Older, ex-college/And1/whatever ballers who still think they're all that. People who have an attitude and REFUSE to pass the ball because they can score! Drive into the lane with 2 bigs there? Shoot a jumpshot with a guy in your face? I CAN SCORE THE ROCK! Then they argue they were fouled. Very loudly. For 10 minutes. Almost coming to blows.

So it's hit or miss. If it's hit, I get a workout and have fun. If it's miss, I go and run or swim.

Many of these examples ring true. There are quite a few D-Whistles at my gym. I blocked this kid last night, and he called a foul. I got nothing but ball... There's also this kid who thinks he's AI and will do crossovers and drive no matter what. He gets blocked. CLEARLY it was a foul. Then he proceeds to hack the crap out of you when he gets a "steal". Then whines if you call a foul after everybody in the building could hear the karate chop.

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Old 08-07-2007, 02:42 PM   #38
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

I see :)
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:48 PM   #39
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

The Fat Beast---Fat as hell, but so strong and crafty that he is very effective. The ball goes to him on every game point because he is either going to back his man down and make a layup or get fouled in the process. Likes to scream things out like "Get Your Weight Up!", "I got a Mismatch!" or "Get in the Weight Room!". However is just fat and probably got cut from the JV team in high school.

The Fat Shooter---The fat guy who only shoots threes. Has a beautiful release and puts a lot of backspin on the ball...However, he never shoots a good percentage and if he does make a couple, he feels like he has to keep shooting from deeper and deeper out.

Mariah Carry--The role player who always calls a carry when the game is on the line. Mariah Carry and Wannabe Hot Sauce are arch enemies.
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:51 PM   #40
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

I don't think anybody's mentioned this guy yet so I'll say it:

The out of control dumbass who injures everybody, and if you don't like it than you're a little biatch. I played against someone like this a couple weeks ago and this guy could not play at all. He thought that because he was kind of strong he should go inside and so he starts throwing up layups+short jumpers that go over the rim or hit the top edge of the backboard. He drives his knee into a couple guys balls and when a person fall over he says "sorry" but you can tell he didn't mean it because this mother fucker is laughing about it. He has no idea who the **** is on his team so he throws a bunch of passes to the other team. You try to hit him when he's open because otherwise he'll kick your ass but he can't make any of the shots you get him. Even if you're his teammate and you're going for a rebound it doesn't matter if you get the rebound-he jumps into you with a knee or something anyway(getting kneed in the back hurt like b!tch...). By the end of the game 4 or 5 guys are limping off the court and he is proud of kicking everybody's ass even though everybody saw how much he sucked balls.

anyone want to come up with a name for this dude?
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:54 PM   #41
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

The HOLY SH!T! - A rare find, but somebody you see show up to the court and you fully expect them to watch their companions play from the sidelines because there is "no way they can play with these boys". However, they step on the court and is one of the top 3 players on the court. Often this is a girl that can shoot the lights out and knows what she is doing in every other aspect of the game. It may also be an ultra skinny nerdy guy or out of shape guy mid-height to short guy. In extremely rare cases, you think it is the grandfather of others that showed up, but turns out he was a former stud.

(btw, I once got owned by a white, late 70 year old that was a former Laker. He walked in hunched over with his hispanic grandchildren and joined a pickup game. He suddenly exploded from the 3-point line, jumped from the free throw line and finished with a finger roll. I probably was never more impressed by anyone on the court)
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Old 08-07-2007, 02:54 PM   #42
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Quote:
Often this is a girl that can shoot the lights out and knows what she is doing in every other aspect of the game.

Happened the other night to me, and yes it was a chick. She had good handles, court vision, and a sweet J.

I know a lot of guys that play soft on girls intentionally, though. It may sound sexist, but the guys didn't want to play as rough as they normally do because even the skinniest dude on the court probably had her by 50 pounds. Plus, you don't want to reach for a steal and accidently grab a tit.

Last edited by CakeorDeath : 08-07-2007 at 02:57 PM.
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Old 08-07-2007, 03:01 PM   #43
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

The Athlete: the guy throwing down alleys, and windmills swatting shots running in transition, but can't dribble, can't rebound unless its a putback and his shot is so ugly, his teammates dont let him shoot. Usually takes a random deep one in the game, either nets it and his team goes wild, or airs it, and gets booed no matter what kid he dunks on.
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Old 08-07-2007, 03:04 PM   #44
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

Hot Sauce - this guy has watched every And 1 mixtape there is and mastered all the "moves". When he gets on the court he beats everyone off the bounce at will and his team ALWAYS wins the first game.

In the second game an older guy will play. On Hot Sauce's first attempt to beat him off the dribble "older guy" calls walk/double dribble/palming. Older guy warns "all that illegal And 1 bullsh!t is getting called". Hot Sauce mumbles something about ****** and does nothing positive with or without the ball the rest of the game due to lack of any fundamental skill to call on.


Magic Johnson - this guy is normally the second biggest guy on the court. He starts the game attempting to play inside. His team is totally discombobulated on offense. After a couple possessions he'll get a steal and hit a cutter on the wing with a no-look for a lay-up. A few plays later he'll hit a guy under the hoop with a bullet pass for a lay-up. He's officially made the point guard of the team and is forced to run point for the rest of the day.

Mr. IQ - again normally one of the bigger guys on the court. While shooting around talks about how this is the first game he's run in years/months. His hops, handles, and quickness are blatantly rusty. He starts the game slow but as he gets into the flow the Basketball IQ kicks in. He becomes the best player on the floor solely off of his understanding of the game. His team wins about three or four straight games until he clearly runs out of gas. He never stops smiling or laughing the entire time.

Universally the two plays signals that he's winded and pretty much done for the rest of the year are throwing a pass that doesn't get caught and beating a guy, normally Hot Sauce, to the hoop but missing the lay-up.

The lay-up is normally followed by a loud "Goddammit, my bad fellas". The pass is normally followed by a grinning and equally loud "Ooooooooohhhhh, I just knew you saw that" to the teammate that didn't catch the pass followed up with a pat on the head from Mr IQ.

If Hot Sauce is 15 years old or younger Mr IQ works with him on some actual skills when everyone is done playing.
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Old 08-07-2007, 03:05 PM   #45
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Default Re: Every pickup game has one of each of these people.

2 more:

The Cherry Picker: 6 ft 3 athletic black guy whose sole purpose in life is to "catch bangs." Never gets back on defense and insead stays at half court waiting to get a break away dunk. In the half court, he always puts his finger up for an ally-oop and will still jump even if u don't throw the ball. Points at the closest defender to him after he dunks, no matter if they were involved in the play or not.

The backboard slapper: This guy slaps the backboard any chance he gets. His layups make the whole hoop shake and he waits until his opponents shots are on the rim until he slaps the boards, causing the ball to rim out.
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