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Old 10-23-2012, 10:33 PM   #1
Gooner | Heat Nation
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Default Help me with my essay?!

For my English Honors class, we had to do an essay, and I was wondering if you guys would be kind of to read through it and give some constructive criticism. Last time I posted an essay on here about WW2, I got a lot of nice responses that helped me with the writing process.


Last edited by EnoughSaid : 10-24-2012 at 12:48 AM.
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Old 10-23-2012, 10:44 PM   #2
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Default Re: Help me with my essay?!

You want a critic? you can't handle a critic!

Sorry had to. Ha

Smaller bites. Lot's of words in big chunks. Help the reader digest it by giving him smaller paragraphs.

More intro?

It's been so long since I saw that movie, so I'm useless on the actual story line but you did bring back a lot of moments that ring true so you're on the right path
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Old 10-23-2012, 10:48 PM   #3
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Default Re: Help me with my essay?!

Originally Posted by code green
An essay not about Dwyane Wade.

I did actually kinda write a paragraph or two on why my boy D-Wade is hated on...
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Old 10-23-2012, 10:48 PM   #4
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Default Re: Help me with my essay?!

Watch your teacher/TA google your essay and have this thread come up. You know it would count as plagiarism since you published it here.. right?

I'd suggest you remove your write-up asap.
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Old 10-23-2012, 10:50 PM   #5
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Default Re: Help me with my essay?!

Copy pasted it and published it on my blog.
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Old 10-23-2012, 11:15 PM   #6
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Default Re: Help me with my essay?!

Originally Posted by EnoughSaid
For my English Honors class, we had to do an essay, and I was wondering if you guys would be kind of to read through it and give some constructive criticism. Last time I posted an essay on here about WW2, I got a lot of nice responses that helped me with the writing process.


Not Your Average Job

Thomas Edison once claimed, “There is no substitute for hard work.” One can easily see this established in the play, A Few Good Men, where hard work is the sole reason for the events at the conclusion of the story. In A Few Good Men, Aaron Sorkin illustrates how exhibiting perseverance and hard work can lead someone towards their ultimate goal. The play focuses on three lawyers, Daniel Kaffee, Jo Galloway, and Sam Weinburg, who are trying their best to prove the innocence of Harold Dawson and Louden Downey. Dawson and Downey are initially suspected of the murder of William Santiago, marine struggling in training with multitudes of heart problems. At one point in the play, Kaffee, who is the main lawyer, decides that this case is basically impossible to win and that it’d be best for Dawson and Downey to plead guilty. However, the two remain opinionated and dismiss the idea. They believe they were ordered to toughen up Santiago, which in military terms is recognized as a “Code Red.” The fact that these two refuted the idea of pleading guilty, it made the crew work harder and harder, because now they’d have to go through a trial and court session. One can see the workload the three lawyers are entitled with when Kaffee explains, “… We’ve been working 18 hour days for two weeks. Spend the night with your family, Sam. We’ll work in the morning.” (70). 18 hour work days, and not being able to see their families reveals the insane amount of work these three lawyers have been doing, and that they are trying their best to hopefully win this case. When focusing their attention on Kaffee, readers can see the struggle he underwent throughout the whole process. For example, when he decides that it’d be best to let another lawyer handle the court proceedings, Jo lashes out, “You know nothing about the law! You’re a used car salesman, Daniel.” (53). The fact that his own partner and fellow lawyer would heat up like that obviously meant that she saw something in Kaffee, and he needed to apply himself and persevere further. During a break in the courtroom, Ross, the prosecution lawyer, also dishes out his fair amount of criticism once he starts to realize that the momentum is shifting to Kaffee’s side, as he claims, “You got bullied into this room even though not for one second have you believed you could win.” (80). The statement Ross makes is semi-true, because yeah, Kaffee didn’t think he had a chance, but he for sure didn’t get bullied. Daniel Kaffee understood that he needed to once again apply himself and put his skills to work, giving Downey and Dawson the best defense and trial he could offer.

Another powerful example of perseverance can be observed in Dawson, and his unwillingness to quit and just plead guilty. When Kaffee approaches Downey and Dawson with an offer to plead guilty and only receive six months in prison, Dawson replies with, “We did nothing wrong, sir. We did our job. If that has consequences, then I accept them. But I won’t say I’m guilty, sir.” (51). This statement clearly illustrates his strong and stern feelings about the suspicions and that he really didn’t do anything wrong. Also, it makes one think about how strict the guidelines and policies in the military really are. If a particular soldier, Dawson in this case, has a choice between a simple six months in jail or an almost guaranteed twenty year sentence, and his decision to not even tarnish his moral code for his own freedom speaks for itself. A few days later, Dawson even goes a step further after Kaffee admits that he thinks they’ll lose in court, by exclaiming, “You’re such a coward, I can’t believe they let you wear a uniform.” (55). The fact that Dawson insulted his own lawyer, and shared his thoughts on how he’s a coward really stresses the issue of how Downey and Dawson believe they are innocent and will not stand by false accusations just to receive less time in prison. One can also make the inference that this statement by Dawson turned the whole course of the play around, forcing Kaffee to really step up and do his best in determining whether or not the pair was in fact guilty. A third and rather clear example of Dawson’s sheer desire for a fair and easily executed trial can be seen when Downey is getting questioned by Ross, asked if Dawson told him to carry out the orders on Santiago. Dawson speaks up, confident and collected, “Answer the Lieutenant’s question, Private.” (90). Dawson wants the whole truth to fully come out onto the surface, and for that to happen, Downey needs to be cooperative and contribute his full knowledge. All three of these particular selections from the play contribute to the fact that Dawson showed how perseverance and standing by what you believe in can get you the result you most desire.

Presently, in today’s world, perseverance in the military can be observed through the tough regimen of training. An article written by Rod Powers on the famously acclaimed website,, titled “How to Survive Military Basic Training,” develops the idea that the training the soldiers undergo is a very serious business, and requires the hardest working individuals. Powers starts out by explaining that, “Currently, over 40 percent of those who enlist in the military do not make it through the first four years.” The statistic claiming close to half of the participants don’t even make it past the first several years is bewildering, and does nothing but back up the fact that determination through the process of training is necessary in every way possible. Powers then goes on to give more information, acknowledging that, “There are no set hours, no special treatment, and certainly there isn’t the best pay.” Participants are required to try their best at everything, and any lack of effort will be pointed out immediately. The factors of having no specific time intervals and a mutual agreement on an income of salary add to the already giant mountain of issues that the trainees will have to overcome through grit and toughness. There are officers at every corner calling them out, telling them where to go and telling them what to do, and it’s nothing but days after days of the harshest criticism in the world. Powers adds more to his statements, by pleading that, “The Training Instructors and Drill Instructors believe it’s their duty to adjust one’s attitude to a military way of thinking, which consists of self-discipline, sacrifice, loyalty, and obedience.” When one signs up for the basic training procedures, they need to realize that they are going into a world that’s not theirs and that they will be forced to change their strategy and way of addressing certain situations. The task is painstaking, and will certainly come down to how much they are willing to sacrifice for their own good.

i wrote this essay on here like three months ago. you're not going to actually plagiarize off me, are you?
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Old 10-23-2012, 11:30 PM   #7
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Default Re: Help me with my essay?!

Too long
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Old 10-23-2012, 11:33 PM   #8
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Default Re: Help me with my essay?!

Wow, some of you guys are jacked.
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