Not my best day.... (possibly a tl;dr for many)

[Draz]

Wow. I didn't even know this happened Myth. I truly sympathize with you. When I think of perfect relationships people have here with their outside partners, your name rings a bell first.

I know for a fact or I'm surely positive you're still with this girl right? Wow. The amount of pain you probably went through. My heart goes out to you brother. You really, kind of made me feel better reading what you go through.

I'm guessing your problem is over and you've chosen to stay with her? This was just a simple bump? Any update on this situation and how you've matured through it throughout the years?

I'm proud of you. I'm actually just pouring it out on my girlfriend the past few hours telling her I want space and just violating her life. Telling her countless amount of unnecessary foul things that I shouldn't of. I honestly believe things happen for a reason and spending my time here since I've done that, seeing this thread actually makes me rethink what I'm about to do. Maybe I'm not supposed to leave just yet.

Dam.

Edit: I noticed you have a new girl now, this is the girl you met online dating website and the "virgin" right? God dam I can't keep track of the amount of girls you have man lol

[KingBeasley08]

I remember this thread lol

[Pushxx]

When I read this thread years ago I thought Myth had no chance.

[stalkerforlife]

I'm writing this in hopes of sorting out my own thoughts. I'm sure I will get a decent amount of immature posts (of which I will not be responding because it is a sensitive issue for me), but I appreciate those with serious comments and thoughts. I'm processing something that is bigger than I've ever had to think about before. About 48 hours ago, my girlfriend of nearly 6 years dropped something on me. I stewed on it for about 24 hours, and when I confronted her about the feelings I was having, an even bigger bombshell was dropped on me.

As many of you may know based on past posts, I have a few big changes coming my way. One is that I am moving to southern California in the summer (July is the plan). The other is that I am on a kidney transplant list, expecting to get the call any time, and am scheduled for dialysis if I don't have it by next month. My girlfriend and I have planned on getting married, and would have already been married if it weren't for health insurance screwing things up (if I get married in my current situation, I lose my insurance, this country is really f*cked up).

Well now, my girlfriend wants to stay in Oregon during that year so that she can "figure out" her own life. She initially phrased it as she wants to keep her job, but she suggested that even if her contract isn't renewed (she is a teacher and at the bottom of the seniority list with budget cuts coming, so a strong possibility), it isn't a given that she would come with me. In a lot of situations, I would be cool with that and try the long distance thing. However, she really pushed for California and that was a big consideration of where I would go. If I knew I was going alone, I certainly would have pushed more for Washington where I would have been a reasonable drive to my brother's and a long drive to my parents'. I feel a bit like I was coaxed into moving far away from everybody I knew, and then abandoned. Not only does that suck in general, but put on top of that the fact that I will be going through a lot of medical changes soon. I will be having a transplant and will not be allowed to do a lot of simple things like grocery shopping because of limits of how much weight I will be allowed to carry. If I can't carry my own groceries during recovery, I'm going to have to go through the pain of either ordering food all the time, having to pay for somebody to get my groceries, or have my mother quit her job (also a teacher) to fly to California as well to take care of me. Not to mention, it would be nice for peace of mind to have somebody there with me to make sure I don't have serious complications with the transplant, as well any emotional support that may be necessary as I recover. I don't know all the specifics of how it will be challenging to recover post transplant while living in an area where you know nobody, but I'm sure it isn't great. My initial reaction is, "How can I plan on staying with somebody who abandons me when I need them most?"

I probed into what she needs to figure out, and discovered what some of her doubts are. She gave me a small list of things that are not perfect in our relationship. (1) She wants to get rid of our dog that we got 7 months ago. She pushed for the dog, I eventually agreed. Now, I love that dog and she wants to get rid of it because it annoys her (he can be very energetic and he sheds a lot, but otherwise a super loving and obedient dog). (2) She hates that I am not the most clean person. This admittedly is my biggest flaw. I don't do laundry often and have 2 large overflowing laundry baskets of dirty clothes (I have lots of clothes, so I do laundry only about once a month). I'm also not as quick to do dishes or vacuum as much as I should (especially considering our dog sheds a lot). (3) She fears that my health will become a burden. Which it will in moments, but after I recover from my transplant, there is no reason I can't remain healthy another 20 years before having to go through it again. (4) She fears my debt. I have a lot of student loans because of finishing my doctorate in psychology. (5) She fears I won't want to quit jobs randomly to move to another country for another year here and there. My future job is likely to have summers off, so I'd be willing to go somewhere during that time, but she is right that I won't sacrifice my career to bounce from country to country. Though, I am willing to let her go off to another country here and there on her own or with a friend as long as it is not when I am ill and need her with me.

To make matters worse, she cheated on me. Now, this may sound extreme to a lot of people, but cheating can have a different affects on different people depending on circumstances. She said that she had never cheated on me until the last month and a half. She had been talking to this guy she knew through work on the phone fairly frequently. They apparently went for a drive and he pressured her do fool around with him. She said no, and he asked if he could just jerk off in her presence and she said yes...

...so that happened. She said that she has thought about leaving me to be with him, and it was a little more than just fantasizing about being with somebody else. She also said that this opened the door for her to the possibility of being with somebody other than me, because she had never seriously considered such a thing until recently. She then snuck out to meet with another guy (she told me she was meeting a friend, so blatantly lied to me). They spent a bit of time with each other at a park, then made out in his car for a bit. She told me this was also not just a sexual thing, but she also thought about the possibility of actually being with him. The not just being a sexual thing is big part to me. The idea of her lying to me to meet this guy who she wants to be with on some level is more hurtful to me than her making out with him. Some of you may have remembered a thread I made about a sexual deal the 2 of us were discussing, because we view love and sex as not interchangeable. We never did come to an agreement, so what she did broke our currently set boundaries, but as I said, more hurtful is the idea of leaving me, not the action of kissing (or watching a guy jack off.... but still, wtf).

She still says she does not know what she wants to do, though said she would still move down to Cali with me (but on some level it feels like she says this because she knows the timing is so bad that I could be royally screwed). The deceit hurts, but the idea that she even considered leaving me when I will need her most is the most painful. She says she still loves me, but knows she has to figure some of her own shit out. In the mean time, I now have to decide if this is a person I want to stay with. I'm sure many will say "leave the b*tch" or something similar, but when you have loved somebody so much for so many years, that is a lot to throw away after only a month and a half of doubt on her end and only 24 hours of doubt on my end.

Your GF is a pathetic piece of shit and if you have the strength to rid yourself of her completely, I suggest you do so.

[Myth]

Edit: I noticed you have a new girl now, this is the girl you met online dating website and the "virgin" right? God dam I can't keep track of the amount of girls you have man lol

Yes, I'm still with the "virgin" I met online. You have a good memory my friend, I must have made an impression.

[Myth]

Your GF is a pathetic piece of shit and if you have the strength to rid yourself of her completely, I suggest you do so.

Your username fails you. I expect you to have at least Draz's level of knowledge of my life.

[Myth]

When I read this thread years ago I thought Myth had no chance.

No chance at what?

[Lonely_Sandberg]

Let me act out how the conversation should have went...

[Lebron23]

It sucks that your gf is a whore.

[kNIOKAS]

I can be an extreme asshole to most people I meet in real life, but one thing you don't do is be cruel to an animal. If you aren't prepared to take the responsibility for caring for and providing a good life to an animal, don't browbeat your boyfriend into getting you a dog then wanting to get rid of it within a year. The dog didn't do anything wrong in this situation, why should he have to suffer. He made the right move in keeping the dog. There's tons of other gashes out there, most of them love dogs too.

That's true, I don't get people who supposedly love animals, but then a portion of them end up homeless. I love animals and I haven't owned one, I think they are best off free - not domesticated. Vegans supposedly love animals and then try to feed vegetables to their cats.

Why you rollin your eyes?

The dog was infinitely more loyal than his ex ever was, fck that btch

Yeah well just that bitch means dog and vice versa. I feel happy for Myth that he's out of that relationship.