Why is my Dad such a scumbag?

[1987_Lakers]

I've always had a weird relationship with my father, he never mistreated me, infact when I was kid he showed me nothing but love, he wasn't one of those fathers who hid their affection for their children, he always let you know how much he loved you. I looked up to him when I was a kid, I thought he was superman in a way. He and my mother split when I was 2, but I still saw my Dad all the time. When I was around 11, he got deported for selling drugs. I visited him a few times out of the country, had a blast, but over the years the relationship has obviously been strained. I haven't seen him in almost 5 years, he does call once in a while to see how I am doing.

Anyways, I knew for years that the reason why my parents split was because my Dad always cheated on my Mom. But today I found out a few things about him that really disturbed me, I found out that my Dad cheated on my mom with my mom's aunt, it is one thing to cheat, but to cheat with your partner's family members disturbs me more. Not only that, I also found out that he is currently having a relationship with his cousin's wife. When I received that info I became disgusted and I told myself that I hope I never become a man like that. I don't know how to feel about him. On one hand, I personally never had a conflict with him, as a kid he gave me love and attention, never mistreated me, I know he had a rough childhood, the last time I saw him when I was 18 he told me that when he was a kid his father always use to physically abuse him and his mother never gave him attention. My mom told me a story how she once threw a surprise party for him and he started crying because that was the first time his birthday was celebrated by others. I remember when I visited him, his one year old son from another woman (my half brother) died, I went to the funeral with him, but his mom wasn't there, she didn't even ask my dad if he was OK. I could tell that really bothered him.

I sometimes think to myself the reason why he f.ucks so many women is because he is trying to receive some love that he didn't get as a child. When it comes to women, he is uncontrollable. He lost his family over whores and is now in bad terms I'm guessing with his cousin because he f.ucks anything that moves. I seriously don't know how to feel about him as a person.

/vent

[gts]

well good luck sorting out your feelings on this... I got nothing other than follow your heart and make sure you at least give the man a chance to tell his side of things before you make up your mind...

[9erempiree]

If I were you (OP) I would treat him as a grown man. As much as I hate to say it, but he was your father and it was his job to take care of you and love you. You once, looked up to him because you were a child and he was your father.

Now that you are a grown man, you can truly reflect and understand how he is as a person. If he is a scumbag right now then he should be a scumbag in your eyes. You are an adult and you would probably be disgusted if other adults were behaving the way your father did.

Our childhood life and adult life are different things. He loved and treated you well once, I am sure he still loves you. Now you are your own man and you should judge him equally. If he is doing this, I don't blame you for feeling disgusted.

You just have to follow your heart.

[nathanjizzle]

Whats the problem? every man has his flaws. As you get older you will see his flaws more, because you yourself are becoming one. you can hate him or you can accept him for who he is.

[9erempiree]

Whats the problem? every man has his flaws. As you get older you will see his flaws more, because you yourself are becoming one. you can hate him or you can accept him for who he is.

Those aren't flaws of his father. They are more like character issues.

If you can screw over family then you have issues.

OP shouldn't be like, "I'm ok if he screw over others, as long as it's not me."

[Pushxx]

Well the key is not to take anything personally. People are who they are.

Everyone has their demons. Sometimes those demons consume you. Just live your life and be happy.

[Igotsoul4u]

The only thing you can control is yourself.

[dunksby]

If he has been a good father to you, then there is only one thing you could do to repay him and be a good son. By that I mean show him love and support as he did for you, but at the same time let him know how you feel about his wrong doings.

[JohnFreeman]

My Dad loved me, so I can't relate.

[GoRapz]

You probably should have jerked him off under the dinner table

[chosen_one6]

It sounds like he's a sex addict. Get him some help.

[no pun intended]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYjjl0IILNU

[Akrazotile]

Whats the problem? every man has his flaws. As you get older you will see his flaws more, because you yourself are becoming one. you can hate him or you can accept him for who he is.

OP is becoming a flaw?

[Swaggin916]

Yea man there are reasons for everything. Knowing where you stand is important, but it doesn't have to strain the relationship. It's just kinda one of those man that is messed up but I still love you kind of deals (If you do love him that is). I like to talk to people about it... find out where they are coming from. It helps me to empathize. You can't start judging though if they open up. That's just how I deal with stuff like that though and I find it makes relationships a lot stronger. One thing too dude, if you show him that love and support he never had and be consistent with it, I bet the impact you will have on him will be profound. Maybe you have already done that though I don't know... Good luck though.

[Myth]

Damn, that sucks. I know the focus is on your dad, because well... he is your dad, but sounds like your family as a larger system is a bit screwed up if he would do those things, your mom's aunt gets involved with him, and his cousin's wife. I'd be cautious to get involved with too much family drama, even though sometimes it is hard to avoid. Figure out which family members are trustworthy, and have some fail safe resources outside of the family (friends close enough that they could serve as a family of choice).