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Old 04-25-2009, 07:53 AM   #1
Manute for Ever!
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Default My Name is Earl quotes

Randy: I know how we'll know if we're too drunk to drive. We'll see if I can drive that remote control car around the living room without crashing it.
EarlRandy, that's a cat.

Darnell: Street smart is just something dumb people say when they want to use the word smart to describe themselves.

Earl: Karma. There it was. The secret of life coming straight from Carson Daly's lips to my morphine-laced ears.

Earl: You know, for a woman who spent 3 days on a raft to reach America, Catalina was surprisingly sensitive to the sun.

Earl: I don't have a gambling problem, I'm winning, and winning is not a problem. That's like saying Michael Jordan has a basketball problem, or Def Leppard has an awesomeness problem. So why don't y'all just pour some sugar on that?

Joy: It was a date. But not all dates are good ones honey. Sometimes it ends up with your sweetie doing a black man in the bathroom.

Randy: When I get my chicken, should I ask for it grilled or McNuggeted?

Randy: But Catalina, winning this car for Joy is my Christmas present to Earl. This is for family - at Christmas. You know - Feliz Naviblah.
Catalina: [shaking her head side-to-side] That means nothing.
Randy: To you, maybe. But to an American it means Christmas in Mexican.

Earl: Look! Shampoo that's not tested on animals. I feel bad for those lab animals running around with dirty hair, but if it's better for the environment, that's the sacrifice they have to make.

Joy:(Joy talking about her breasts, rips open her prison uniform and says to Catalina)Do these look saggy to you? I could float half your village across a river on these.

Earl:(To Joy)Nice. You kiss your illegitimate children with that mouth?

Joy: I like this one because it's lined, so I don't have to wear panties, it's perfect.
Earl: But it's got a stain on it.
Joy: Yeah but that's where I'm gonna Bedazzle my initials.

Joy:I hope you get nut cancer.

Witness: She was crazed and I'm not exaggerating. I know crazy when I see it. When I was a baby my mother once tried to cook me.
Lawyer: She was baby-cooking crazy

Joy: That's all a marriage is - accepting the annoying crap your partner makes you put up with.

Randy: My brain told my feet to stop and they did! my brain's never been smarter than my feet before!

More to come...
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Old 04-25-2009, 07:59 AM   #2
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Default Re: My Name is Earl quotes

Never watched the show. Never caught my interest.
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Old 04-25-2009, 08:09 AM   #3
Manute for Ever!
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Default Re: My Name is Earl quotes

Randy: This show is called CSI Miami. That means Crime Stuff In Miami.

Earl: A good farmer always finds something to plow.

Randy: It says we need a password. I'm going to try "carrot."
Earl: Why?
Randy: Who would think of carrot?
Earl: You did.
Randy: You're right. I'll try "carrot88." Man, I can only think of things I can think of!

Earl: He was annoying, wasn't he Randy? I mean, he was like when you chew on the inside of your cheek, and it swells up, and you just keep biting it and biting it?
Randy: Your cheek's still hurting, Earl?
Earl: Yeah. Thanks for asking.

Joy: We got to retrace our that time you rewound that videotape to see if Sharon Stone really flashed her undersmile.

Randy: Why would Earl try to kill me? I'm Randy! That's like peanut butter trying to kill jelly. Peanut butter can't kill jelly--they're in the same sandwich!

Catalina: What do you think the odds are he just got better and walked home?
Joy: About the same as if he spontaneously combusted.
Darnell: Not true. The government doesn't want you to know, but people spontaneously combust all the time. That's why you see so many sneakers hanging from power lines.

Joy: Holy crap! You need to do some grooming. It looks like a thimble wearing a clown wig down there.

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