why are people afraid to ask favours of others?

[RidonKs]

politely and without fear or anger at the possibility of being rejected and retaining a perfect understanding that other people have their own obligations and priorities that you can't **** with (too much, anyway)

trade favours. hell preface or follow your favour with "ask me anytime for anything you might need and i'll do my best"

this is like free trade on the social level, using your personal networks and communities to help you out, and in turn making the same gesture towards others

it's tremendously beneficial in every way

yet people are afraid to ask for favours. because it's "imposing" or some shit

say no! you're allowed to say no to favours and you have every right to say no to anything, so long as you include some mildly reasonable explanation






WHATS THE LAST GREAT FAVOUR YOU DID FOR SOMEBODY OR SOMEBODY DID FOR YOU THAT YOU WERE REALLY GRATEFUL FOR?

[CelticBaller]

It hurts my pride

[BlkMambaGOAT]

Because ppl might get reported to the cops.

[RidonKs]

alright, let's get specific

asking for money is not a good favour to request or oblige

EVER

sometimes it is necessary. and i've had to do it personally. it left me uneasy and unhappy and shameful. but crucially, it helped. and i used that money to build my own sustainability through my own energies. so does it still hurt my pride? no because i made the most of it.

[RidonKs]

and i can safely say without even a trace of doubt that my life would be very different right now had i not relied on family money to get me through some tough years after high school.

am i proud of the fact that i couldn't do it financially alone? no. but i am comfortable with it.

not everybody is/should be comfortable with it. it causes a lot of problems and needs to be dealt with rationally and securely.

i've also been on the other end, loaning others money. i've always gotten my money back, with only mutual trust as an enforcement mechanism.

[chosen_one6]

I hate asking for favors because I feel it burdens the other person, and I only do it as a last resort.

I recently had to ask for a relatively large sum of money for a mistake I made, and a good friend was able to front me all of it, provided I pay it back within a certain time. I made sure that I did pay it back, but asking for it was like grinding my teeth on aluminum gum wrapping.

[MavsSuperFan]

asking for favors is tough, because you feel obligated to repay the favor.
performing favors for others gives you a sense of moral superiority.

[bdreason]

I hate asking for help. I pride myself in being self-reliant.

[MavsSuperFan]

its never fun feeling like you are in someones debt. the only people that have no problem owing others something, are immoral people, who lack a sense of pride. Most people feel bad when they owe others something. thus why asking for favors is difficult.

[RidonKs]

asking for favors is tough, because you feel obligated to repay the favor.
performing favors for others gives you a sense of moral superiority.

both of which have a positive effect, typically, on both the recipient and the benefactor.

a sense of moral superiority can be dangerous. but almost everybody has one. maybe they don't say it but moral superiority is simply the thought "im right about morality and you aren't" and as human beings we pretty much think we're right about everything we haven't already taught ourselves to be ignorant about

the obligation to repay the favour is called reciprocation. it's essentially the same as economic trade in the way it functions. the only difference is there's no contract. no legal guarantee. which is an helpful component in instances of great importance, like a merger right down to buying a sandwich. it's all reciprocation though.

but in our personal lives we're constantly put in situations where somebody we know could really help us. and not necessarily, hell rarely, is that help thought of in the form of money. i don't know very many wealthy people i'd feel comfortable asking for money.

i do know a lot of people who the same values and ideas as me, a ton of common ground on a variety of issues not all necessarily political. i'm perfectly comfortable asking them for advice or insight, for connections to other people i'm aware of but don't yet know, bouncing ideas off them, sharing personal dilemmas in an effort to resolve them, creating thinktanks and radio stations and restaurants and businesses and ngo's. all of civil society in a nutshell relies on this process of interacting and sharing and refining your perspective.



are there downfalls? potentially. certainly in fact given our nature. but the reciprocation i'm talking about is already exercised and has been for our entire history. it's our faculty for cooperation. that's how we've gotten to where we are right now, the current stage of our civilization.

in general, it's helpful. that's what i think i'm saying.

[DwnShft2Xcelr8]

The only time RidonKs used capitalization must've been when he was signing up for this site and choosing his username.


Anyway, most people feel obligated to do favors when asked but truly do not want to do the favor.
I tend to do the same. A former friend once asked me for money; I felt obligated to give him some because of the terrible circumstance he was in. He promised to pay me back. It's been 3 years. He's dodged me pretty much ever since; hence "former friend."
I am willing to help people out if it doesn't involve monetary aid. I just don't think that's appropriate, especially if you don't have much to give.

[RidonKs]

its never fun feeling like you are in someones debt. the only people that have no problem owing others something, are immoral people, who lack a sense of pride. Most people feel bad when they owe others something. thus why asking for favors is difficult.

bull SHIT

asking somebody for a favour doesn't HAVE to be difficult. it can be quite simple really. all that needs to be understood by both parties is that anybody at any time can say no as long as they give a proper explanation.

the reason people a) can't or b) don't want to give a proper explanation is because they're embarrassed to admit the honest basis of their decision and they're afraid of the other person's reaction to it. at least that seems highly likely to me from experience, i don't have any proof.

well if that is the reason we know just through sheer intuition that these facts needn't be the case. in fact we see this sort of change/differentiation in culture both historically and geographically all the time. just look around.

that it's never fun? if you're getting something out of it and are willing to reciprocate, that can be a lot of fun. if you focus on "oh i shouldn't ask for favours i hate owing people shit im lazy im stressed i dont have time for whatever the fk this person might want" well of course you're going to come out the other end believing this whole favour nonsense is a load of crap and why the fk should i bother i'll just do everything for myself.

again, that attitude doesn't have to be the case in point even if it IS the case in certain points

as for equating an acceptance of debt (credit card, owing somebody a favour, all fundamentally the same) for your immediate or future personal gains with immorality.... i don't know what to say to that

[MavsSuperFan]

both of which have a positive effect, typically, on both the recipient and the benefactor.

a sense of moral superiority can be dangerous. but almost everybody has one. maybe they don't say it but moral superiority is simply the thought "im right about morality and you aren't" and as human beings we pretty much think we're right about everything we haven't already taught ourselves to be ignorant about

the obligation to repay the favour is called reciprocation. it's essentially the same as economic trade in the way it functions. the only difference is there's no contract. no legal guarantee. which is an helpful component in instances of great importance, like a merger right down to buying a sandwich. it's all reciprocation though.

but in our personal lives we're constantly put in situations where somebody we know could really help us. and not necessarily, hell rarely, is that help thought of in the form of money. i don't know very many wealthy people i'd feel comfortable asking for money.

i do know a lot of people who the same values and ideas as me, a ton of common ground on a variety of issues not all necessarily political. i'm perfectly comfortable asking them for advice or insight, for connections to other people i'm aware of but don't yet know, bouncing ideas off them, sharing personal dilemmas in an effort to resolve them, creating thinktanks and radio stations and restaurants and businesses and ngo's. all of civil society in a nutshell relies on this process of interacting and sharing and refining your perspective.



are there downfalls? potentially. certainly in fact given our nature. but the reciprocation i'm talking about is already exercised and has been for our entire history. it's our faculty for cooperation. that's how we've gotten to where we are right now, the current stage of our civilization.

in general, it's helpful. that's what i think i'm saying.

maybe, but thats not what I meant.

I mean you get a high off helping people. Eg. last week i gave a homeless guy $10, gave me a pretty good feeling about my self and how appreciative he seemed.

volunteering at a food bank or other charities gives people (edit: i guess I should say me, because maybe others dont experience this) a weird type of high, its tough to explain, but its a great feeling.

[MavsSuperFan]

bull SHIT

asking somebody for a favour doesn't HAVE to be difficult. it can be quite simple really. all that needs to be understood by both parties is that anybody at any time can say no as long as they give a proper explanation.

the reason people a) can't or b) don't want to give a proper explanation is because they're embarrassed to admit the honest basis of their decision and they're afraid of the other person's reaction to it. at least that seems highly likely to me from experience, i don't have any proof.

well if that is the reason we know just through sheer intuition that these facts needn't be the case. in fact we see this sort of change/differentiation in culture both historically and geographically all the time. just look around.

that it's never fun? if you're getting something out of it and are willing to reciprocate, that can be a lot of fun. if you focus on "oh i shouldn't ask for favours i hate owing people shit im lazy im stressed i dont have time for whatever the fk this person might want" well of course you're going to come out the other end believing this whole favour nonsense is a load of crap and why the fk should i bother i'll just do everything for myself.

again, that attitude doesn't have to be the case in point even if it IS the case in certain points

as for equating an acceptance of debt (credit card, owing somebody a favour, all fundamentally the same) for your immediate or future personal gains with immorality.... i don't know what to say to that

Im just giving my perspective. I always feel bad when i have to borrow money from my folks. I always feel like a burden, which typically a person is when they need someone to do something for them.

for me owing someone something is a terrible feeling. I ask for favors only as an absolute last resort, but I enjoy being asked to help other people

[RidonKs]

Im just giving my perspective. I always feel bad when i have to borrow money from my folks. I always feel like a burden, which typically a person is when they need someone to do something for them.

for me owing someone something is a terrible feeling.

key word is need and obviously the extent of the favour. i don't think people share enough of the small shit that they definitely wouldn't give a shit about. and as for large favours, the other person always has the right to say no.

which brings us back to the central premise of the thread. if we have at our disposal a pretty secure system of interaction whereby favours are exchanged by consenting parties.... why the **** are people afraid to ask for favours as has been demonstrated in this very thread by you and others?

i know you're just giving your opinion and i don't mean to come off harsh