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Old 02-12-2012, 08:23 PM   #1
millwad
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Default Visiting an old friend's grave?

Hi, guys.

My childhood friend died of an overdose 2-3 weeks ago and his funeral has already been. I haven't had contact with him other than some facebook chatting during the last 5 years but he was like a brother to me while growing up. He had a troubled life and as we got older we basically lost contact, we went to different schools and he became a poker addict and he also had problems with the law and went to juvenile hall and he had major issues with drugs (I am as anti drugs there is).

He died of an overdose and when the news hit me I started to cry like a baby, it really broke my heart, all our memories popped up and remembering him as an innocent kid really bothered me..

Even though we lost contact totally I would still like to visit his grave, the issue though is that his family just had his funeral and I don't know if it's offensive to ask for the location of his grave?

I really don't want to make it harder for them and making them to remember it and I am afraid that they may find it offensive. Maybe his family will see it as me forgetting him while he was alive and suddenly when he's dead he is worth my attention or something like that.

What do you guys think, is it wrong of me to ask his family of the location and also telling them how sorry I am over their loss?
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Old 02-12-2012, 08:26 PM   #2
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Default Re: Visiting an old friend's grave?

I doubt they'd think of it like that, just contact them and ask for the location so you can pay your dues.
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Old 02-12-2012, 08:32 PM   #3
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Default Re: Visiting an old friend's grave?

You should be able to find funeral information with some pretty basic googling. Obits typically list service information, if the burial location isn't listed there as well the funeral home will know it - and from there you can find the grave.

Not that it would be offensive to contact the family, but it's still pretty fresh so I'd leave them alone.
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Old 02-12-2012, 08:33 PM   #4
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Default Re: Visiting an old friend's grave?

Sorry for your loss man. You shouldn't worry about what his family thinks about it. I cant imagine the sense of loss they must be going through, but you have a right to pay respects to your friend and I think they will understand.
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Old 02-12-2012, 08:45 PM   #5
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Default Re: Visiting an old friend's grave?

Thanks for your replies, guys, appreciate it.
Maybe the best thing is if I try to find it by myself to start with, I googled and there are sites that can help to locate his grave.

Asking his family will be the last way out, it feels too early I think.
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Old 02-12-2012, 09:19 PM   #6
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Default Re: Visiting an old friend's grave?

i've had some family losses recently so i think i can speak on this issue-

generally speaking, family members who are grieving are not in any way offended or inconvenienced by other people asking for information. after all, they're still processing the loss themselves, so the deceased is fresh on their minds and it seems only right that the rest of the world should want the details. if anything, they will be pleased that you cared enough to ask.

it's basically an optical illusion that they would be distraught enough to want to cover up or forget about the whole thing. that reaction doesn't make much sense if you sit down and think about it.

although again, that's assuming they don't dislike you or are simply wackos... :P
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