20. LOLA BUNNY
Okay, I’ve got to admit… Lola Bunny isn’t really a b!tch so to speak, I just really hate her rabbity good for nothing guts. She was a ploy, that’s all she was! A ploy to give Bugs a female counterpart, a love interest so that everyone would stop questioning his sexuality, and a strong female Looney Tunes character for the sake of political correctness for all of the oversensitive ******* out there. Not to mention all of the goody-goody marketing that came out of it.
What was the result? Bugs Bunny became a whooped man. Thank YOU Warner Brothers.
How do we know Lola’s a strong female character? She’s good at basketball! Wow, that’s awesome, sweetheart, make me a steak and we’ll see how useful you really are.
It’s not bad enough that Lola stunk up Space Jam with her estrogen and feminine hygiene products, now her character has been hauled out of the bad idea dumpster and put on the mother of all sh!tty Looney Tunes spin-offs, Baby Looney Tunes. I even think that Lola is going to appear on the uber-crappy Loonatics.
So, yeah… Lola isn’t really a b!tch, but my mother always told me never to use the “c” word when speaking about a lady.
19. LISA SIMPSON
Before you jump in and say, “Hey, Lisa’s not a b!tch!” I say, shut up she sure is!
Lisa’s got a big superiority complex in that she thinks she’s just that much better than everyone else. Do you honestly think that Lisa believes herself an equal to Bart or Homer or Marge? Oh no, Lisa is a pillar of morality and higher thinking in her own mind and her family and friends are but lower organisms.
And a complainer… Jesus Christ, is there anything this b!th hasn’t complained or protested about? She doesn’t eat meat, she thinks fur is murder, she doesn’t think that there’s enough art… For ****s sake, little girl, shut up and try and make friends your own age! Perhaps there’s a reason you don’t have your own version of Millhouse, you over opinionated whiney b!tch!
18. OLIVE OYL
I believe that the words that I heard used to describe her was “an ugly, thin, manipulative whore” and that pretty much sums it up as far as I’m concerned.
Now, Olive Oyl isn’t a b!tch all the time and, granted, she does her fair share to resist the ra
pist advances of Bluto, but have you ever noticed how often that Olive is the instigator of fights between Popeye and Bluto and it’s all because of that damn b!tch’s flirting when Bluto walks up to her and mumbles, “Hey, how you doing?” and she blushes or some such sh!t and says, “Tee hee hee hee hee.” I mean, Bluto is a bastard enough by himself, but throw in this amount of bastarditude and b!tchery and mix them together and poor Popeye didn't stand a chance!
It’s slight, but its there. If you can take the boredom, watch some of the Popeye cartoons and keep a close eye on the number of times this skank has gotten her boyfriend beat up. It’s shocking to see just how manipulative she really is! And I didn't even touch on how stuck up she is!
17. The Baroness
Looking back at my primarily faded memories of GI Joe, I believe that the Baroness was the only lady serving in the upper echelon of C.O.B.R.A.. So, how did this unimpressive female make her way to the top of a complete shower of bastards like Destro and Cobra Commander? How do you think? She was ****ing them!
She was a sexy b!tch, that’s for sure. Sultry, seductive, and those glasses were a hell of a turn on. The fact that she looked at people as if she was concocting new and horrible ways of torturing them was sexy as well.
But let’s face it, sexy or not, the Baroness was a b!tch who had no loyalty to her superiors. Ever notice how when Serpentor took over C.O.B.R.A., Baroness was one of the first ones to tell him what an incompetent fool Cobra Commander was?
Don’t have this woman watch your back, men, she just may put a knife in it!
16. Mammy Two Shoes
I’m not talking about the Mammy Two-Shoes we see today, this pale politically correct and re-dubbed imposter that currently appears in the Tom and Jerry Cartoons, I mean the big, black, beautiful, and badass mama that would kick Tom’s ass into next week for something that that little bastard mouse Jerry would do.
Mammy Two-Shoes (which, I don’t even think is her name anymore) had a shrieking voice like Eddie Murphy in drag and was mean as anything you would come across in the cartoon world and was particularly more menacing because you never saw her face (think of Nanny from Muppet Babies if she would periodically kick one of the children).
Alas, her b!tchery level has gone down thanks to Ted Turner’s need to slice and dice his cartoons to make them inoffensive.
I really didn’t realize what a cold-hearted b!tch that Loretta really was until she left poor adorable Cleveland on Family Guy. I mean, Cleveland was such a nice guy! How the hell did he end up with this skank is beyond me.
The thing that really pisses me off about Loretta is that she made her entire affair with Quagmire seem like it was Cleveland’s fault in the first place. Sorry, honey, unless Cleveland pushed you and you landed on Quagmire’s junk, you’re just a b!tch. Not only a b!tch… you’re a ho too, girl.
14. ALEXANDRA CABOT
First of all, Alexandra was rich and stuck up which automatically makes you a b!tch as far as I’m concerned. This half-witted evil version of Paris Hilton would spend most of her wasted day following Josie and the Pussycats, berating them, and sometimes even sabotaging them.
And why was this? Did she want control of the universe? Did she want to take over the band? Did Josie kill her father? Oh no, Alexandra just wanted to date Alan M. and was afraid that he was sweet on Josie.
Jesus Christ, what a b!tch! Willing to wreck her friends lives and livelihoods for a man? It’s bad enough that Alexandra looks like a skunk is ****ing her head, but what’s with the high school attitude in the professional music industry. I mean, Paris and Nichole hate each other now, but they still work together!
Put on the big girl panties, Alexandra, and deal with your issues!
13. HOLLY WOULD
Forget for a moment that Cool World is one of the most vile and visually unappealing movies ever put to screen, Holly Would wanted to be human… and she was willing to destroy the world to do it!
Someone should really sit this stupid b!tch down and explain to her with sock puppets that she’s a citizen of the world too and that if it’s destroyed, she’s not going to be human for very long.
Okay, now forget for a minute this dumb b!tch’s scheme. Holly was a user, abuser, and manipulator and you can’t get to be a bigger b!tch than that.
In my opinion, Yzma is the greatest villain that the House of Mouse has ever come up with and The Emperor’s New Groove is the last decent cartoon they ever did.
Still, is Yzma a b!tch or what?
Aside from being scary beyond all reason, Yzma’s drive is fueled by a plethora of b!tchy reasons… vanity, a lust for power, and a sexual drive that I would rather not think about. I mean, why else keep Kronk around?
Well, I know that people are going to complain that Mom isn’t higher on the list, but her includement on the list in the first place is only a testament to the power this b!tch has in the year 3000.
The owner of Mom’s Friendly Robot Factory, the reason why this woman is such a b!tch isn’t because of her greed, her attitude, her wanton destruction of the environment or her nearly successful attempt to take over the world… Mom is a b!tch because she’s put on a facade of a friendly, elderly, and kind-hearted old woman that the public eats up. Dubya must have been watching this show and getting ideas.
She mean, she’s maniacal, and no matter what there’s no way that Fry and his friends could ever prove it. Mom is a b!tch in one of its purest forms.
Stay tuned for the top 10...