Top 10 Dirtiest Names in Sports
When Florida State's De'Cody **** caught his 7 receptions for 93 yards in Saturday's close one against Troy, the Flumesday Heisman-watch officially began. I briefly considered buying the web domain "www.De'CodyFaggforHeisman.com" but instead, decided to create a list of the Top Ten Dirtiest Names in Sports. These are names of athletes that I have trouble saying with a straight face, such as that of my favorite FSU receiver. These are the names that make me uncomfortable when uttered by straight-laced TV announcers. These are the names that could be confused for sex positions, venereal diseases and insults for your worst enemies. These are the Top 10 Dirtiest Names in Sports:
10. De'Cody ****
Junior De'Cody ****, the top receiver at Florida State, is on his way to a break-out season this year. The 6'3" wideout from Quincy, Florida has led his team in receiving in FSU's first two games this year, including a big win at Miami. De'Cody's name, however, makes him even more interesting of a player. His first name, a normal American name with a "De" and an apostrophe tagged on, is followed by a slur that would otherwise not be permitted on television.
9. Homer Bush
This former Yankee, Blue Jay and Marlin takes the number 9 spot on the list. Bush grew into the game as a rookie in 1994, was cut by the Marlins in 2002 and pretty much fell off after that. Bush, always trim throughout his career, never quite reached his hitting potential and managers never quite seemed certain how to use Bush effectively. Bush eventually became obsolete. His first name, Homer, short for Home Run, is the root of the term "all the way," a term youngsters use to describe love-making.
8. Albert Pujols
Arguably the best hitter in baseball, Pujols represents the only Latin-American on the top 10 list. This is important because if Albert's surname is spoken with a Spanish accent, it is pronounced "poo-holes". This places him in the scatological subcategory of the list with one other athlete (#5). The Dominican slugger has won the Rookie of the Year and MVP awards, which means he's definitely not the [expletive] athlete on the countdown.
7. Irina Slutskaya
The Russian figure skater, Irina Slutskaya, won the European championship in 1996 and 1997. Although in Russian, her name is probably pronounced differently than it looks, embedded within Irina's last name is one of the more offensive words aimed at women. Slutskaya didn't go all the way in the 1998 Nagano Olympics, finishing in fifth place in her competition.
6. Ron Tugnutt
Tugnutt enjoyed success as a goalie for 16 years and 6 teams in the NHL. Born Ronald Frederick Tugnutt in Ontario, Canada, he played in one NHL All-Star Game and represented Canada in the 1993 Hockey World Championships. His given name, Ron, is average in every way, however, his last name Tugnutt, could be confused for a verb and a noun that when used together, would describe the male act of self-fulfillment.
5. Assol Slivets
As the fifth athlete on the list, though lesser-known, Slivets has one of the dirtiest names in the history of sports. The freestyle skier from Belarus competed in the 2006 Olympics in Turin finishing 5th in the women's aerial ski competition. Oh yeah, and her first name is Assol.
4. **** Butkus
This football Hall-of-Famer boasts a moniker so dirty that each syllable of his name are individually dirty. Well that's not true. I guess "kus" isn't dirty...unless it comes after "But"! ****'s last name, Butkus, is pronounced "but-kiss" which could mean the physical act of smooching the buttocks or the slangy meaning of being overly flattering. Either way, when "Butkus" is preceded by "****", its meaning doesn't really matter. It just becomes the last part of a dirty, dirty name.
3. Johnny Dickshot
Born John Oscar Dickshot in Waukegan, Illinois, Dickshot played outfield for 3 teams from 1936 to 1945. Johnny's last name is one of the more dynamic on the list as "shot" is somewhat sport-related and "****" is somewhat funny. Johnny also had a nickname, "Ugly", which is strange because the concept of a dickshot is so lovely. Dickshot died in Waukegan in 1997.
2. **** Trickle
This is about as good as it gets. **** Trickle, known as "America's Winningest Driver," began racing on the short-track circuit in 1958. The vile nature of his name made Trickle a common joke on Sportscenter in the 1990s. The idea of a trickle--a slow, irregular flow of a liquid--following "****" in a man's name--conjures up themes of bathroom activities and venereal disease.
1. Chubby Cox
And the #1 Dirtiest Name in Sport is Chubby Cox. Born John Arthur Cox III, Chubby was a standout at the University of San Francisco in the '70s and was drafted by the Bulls in 1978. Cox only played in 7 NBA games, for the Philadelphia Kings in 1983. Chubby couldn't cut it on the professional level and spent his post-playing years teaching and coaching youths in the San Francisco area. But what matters most about him is that his name is Chubby Cox.
Yep, there's a part two, and it is AWESOME (had to do some editing to wipe out the over the top stuff):
10. Gregor ****a
The countdown begins with Italian basketball player Gregor ****a. When ****a's mother gave birth to Gregor in Slovenia on August 7, 1971, she could not have imagined that one day her little ****a would be an Olympic athlete. Mother ****a's husband, Gregor's father, is of Italian ancestry which allowed Gregor to become an Italian national and move to Trieste at the age of 19 to play in the Italian league. The 7-foot ****a represented Italy at the 2000 Olympic games in Sydney and won the ****ing 2003 Spanish National Cup while playing for FC Barcelona.
9. B.J. Johnson
B.J. Johnson was a standout wide receiver for the Texas Longhorns from 2000 to 2003. While at Texas, Johnson set 7 freshman receiving records, underperformed as an upper-classman and was signed as a free agent by the Denver Broncos after graduation. In two seasons with the Broncos, 2004 and 2005, B.J. did not play in a single game. It is fair to say that B.J. Johnson sucks. Johnson, who is currently signed with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, has a name composed of dual **** references.
8. Pete LaCock
Speaking of ****, Pete LaCock played 9 seasons with the Chicago Cubs and Kansas City Royals from 1972 to 1980 (although this card is from 1981, LaCock retired before the season began). Born Ralph Pierre LaCock in Burbank, California, Pete was a utility player who never quite packed any punch with the bat. Interestingly, LaCock's father, Peter Marshall, was the host of "Hollywood Squares" from 1966-1981. The elder LaCock, born with the LaCock name, changed his name to Marshall to pursue an acting career in Hollywood. His baseball-playing son kept the old name, LaCock, which, in French I believe means "the *****."
7. Danny ****tu
This Nigerian footballer currently plays for Watford F.C. in the English Premier League. The 26-year-old defender has become a crowd favorite and the Watford faithful have given Danny his own chant. They chant "Dan" a whole bunch of times and then in the middle of it say, "And when you turn, you'll see he's black dynamite. And his name is Dan ****tu!" Interesting that a guy called ****tu is nicknamed "black dynamite." Actual black dynamite describes something dark, cylindrical and explosive. And an aside, are English soccer fans ever going to cut the racist stuff out? ****tu joins #6 and #3 on this countdown and Albert Pujols and Assol Slivets on the first dirty name list in the scatological subcategory.
6. Harry Colon
Harry Colon played 6 NFL seasons from 1991-97 with the Patriots, Lions and Jaguars. The safety holds the Jaguars record for interceptions in a season with three. More notable than Colon's football career is his very dirty name, one that elicits some terrifying imagery. The colon is the portion of the intestines that extracts water from outgoing feces. And imagining that already foul tube lined with hair makes me want to gag.
5. Lucious Pusey
Aw man. This isn't a fake either. Lucious Pusey is a linebacker for the Division I-AA Eastern Illiois Panthers. What on earth were Lucious's parents thinking when they signed the birth certificate? Lucious is the only Pusey I've ever seen with dreadlocks. According to Deadspin.com, Luscious Pusey has legally changed his name. It's Lucious Seymour. But I think he should have gone with Lucious Seymour Pusey.
4. **** Pole
Sometimes I wish I could write using a Butthead impression. "Uh, huh-huh, **** Pole." But I can't so I won't. **** Pole, born Richard Henry Pole was a pitcher with the Red Sox and Mariners in the 70s. Currently, Pole is the pitching coach for the Cincinnati Reds. Despite having the ultimate porn name, Pole chose a career in baseball and also chose to go by ****, which seems quite imprudent if you have the surname "Pole." If there weren't enough ***** allusions already swirling around this pitcher, he became most famous for getting hit by a line drive in the head. That's right, **** Pole sustained a head injury. The ball broke his jaw and **** lost 90% usage of the vision in one eye.
3. Dean Windass
Finally, a flatulence-related name. Dean Windass is a striker for Bradford City. The Englishman is known around soccer for his foul play. And with a name like Windass, foulness can only be expected. In November 1997, while playing against Dundee United, Windass earned himself 3 red cards. And in September 2006, Windass was accused of grabbing Cheltenham Town player John Finnigan by the nuts during a game. Windass, which I thought was the medical name of a condition I have from time to time, aims to be the all-time goal scorer in Bradford City history. Though maybe a dirty player, he certainly isn't a stinker.
2. Misty Hyman
Could there be a better name for a female swimmer than Misty Hyman? Since she was a little girl, Hyman was always in the water dreaming of swimming for the U.S. at the Olympics. Hyman broke out at the 2000 Sydney Olympics when she won a gold medal in the 200m butterfly. However, after her improbable victory, Hyman dropped off and failed to qualify for the 2004 Athens games. Hyman has since disappeared from Olympic swimming. She now teaches young swimmers proper stroke technique and has released a DVD called "Go Swim Butterfly with Misty Hyman." Just tell me the time and the place.
1. Rusty Kuntz
And finally, the #1 Dirtiest Name in Sports (the second time around) is Rusty Kuntz. Kuntz played outfield for the White Sox, Twins and Tigers from 1979 to 1985. Interestingly, the #1 name on the first dirty sports countdown was Chubby Cox which is the male equivalent of the name Rusty Kuntz. Both names feature adjectives modifying the plural form of a dirty word for a sexual organ.