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Old 11-02-2010, 03:57 AM   #1
Kblaze8855
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Default A series of questions to help you pass the time.

At work..or school...wherever it is that you are...and cant wait to leave.



1.First time you fingered a girl...did you reach far enough up inside to feel that rigged area? Like...little waves? If you hook your finger...you feel that area. Well the first time I did it I wondered what it was...I didnt ask of course. But I had no way to check on it...till the internet. Yes I was fingering before the internet was widespread. Im old. Anyway one day I looked it up...it was said that some consider that the Gspot....with virtually no evidence of it being true. And yet I still ****ed with it a little more next time I had a finger in a ******. My question to you is this...

Did you notice it the first time you got a finger in a ***** or did it take you a few times? If you noticed it...

Nobody has balls enough to ask the girl about it did they?



2. For 40% of whatever money Tony Danza has left over from when he was on "Whos the boss" would you eat a 5 pound bag of sugar a week(uncooked...just by the spoonfull) for 3 weeks?



3. If Baron Davis showed up at your door right now and promised to get you a good job with an NBA team if you swallowed a pill he gave you that he refused to identify....would you?




4. How much is your left nipple worth to you? Would you give it up for an 06 Grand Cherokee?



5. Howard stern comes to you with a concept for a new show. He asks you this:


Would you go through a procedure with a special effects makeup artist where in a process that takes 4 hours each time...he can make your torso look exactly like Paul Pierces the night he was stabbed. He takes images from the operation room where they fixed him up...makes you look as close to that as possible with makeup/props and so on. What do you get out of it? Every game you agree to have it done before...if Pierce scores 30 you get 1000 dollars for every free throw he made. You dont have to do it every game. You sign up...you call the guy the day before a game you feel good about Pierce dropping 30 in. He comes by and does it with a film crew to prove you went through with it. After the game..if hes over 30 he comes back...checks to see if you tampered with the "wounds". If you didnt...he cashes you out. If he had 34 with 14-17fts...you get 14000 cash. You can then go take the shit off.

Between the 4 hours it takes to apply...working your day around him coming to do it. Making sure it doesnt come off during the game. You probably have the film crew hanging around the house to make sure they have footage of your reaction when Paul nears and reaches 30. You have to devote a huge portion of your day to this. And unless you did it every game...you would very possibly never get paid. But if you did do it every game...you could make 50+ thousand a year depending on the season he has. 50K for what is really a part time job? Or perhaps...nothing to go through all that trouble.

You sign up for the show?








6. Lets say everyone on earth is issued and trained to use a single sealed chloroform rag for use when someone needs to be taken down for the greater good.

Lets say the law is that when someone gets out of line or questionable to the point of being a danger to society its the duty of those around him to knock him out with the rag and report him to the Department of Questionable Persons Tracking so an eye can be kept on them(assuming they decide to release him). If you dont act and its proven that you could have you can be arrested in a last episode of Seinfeld way. For example...

You are at a flea market and a guy is just ranting about the Jews. It is the job of you(or someone there) to take him down and report him so his actions can be tracked in case hes the next Hitler or something. Or a guy starts talking about how he goes out of his way to run over dogs just to feel the power of taking a life. You whip out the sealed package and bring the guy down. Let the people know that if someone around him turns up dead.....look into him. Or maybe keep him watched to prevent a murder.

Would you have used your rag yet?

Id have used mine and most of those in my household(provided they still had theirs) by age 20. have you been in a situation where someone just needed to be put down?

And yes I took much the concept from Bill Burr. funny guy....




7. Would you braid Troy Polamalus hair on national TV while wearing short shorts and a lime green extra medium tanktop and listening to Enrique Iglesias "Bailamos" on repeat for tickets to the next 5 superbowls but not transportation to or from the games? You get tickets...but still gotta get there and back on your own.



8. For 200 pounds of premium peanut brittle and 4 gallons of fresh and sealed nacho cheese(and 40 bags of tostidos) would you not eat for the next 2 days?




9. If when you go to your bedroom the mom from Step by step is on your bed naked and the theme song from the show is playing on a cd player she brought with her what do you do?



10....next post. Will take a moment to compose it properly.....

Last edited by Kblaze8855 : 11-02-2010 at 04:37 AM.
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Old 11-02-2010, 04:25 AM   #2
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Default Re: A series of questions to help you pass the time.

Ok...Number 10 is a heavily modified story/question I posed to a white poster...elsewhere. He happened to be a sports writer but im gonna od what I can to slide you into that role. also...you kinda need to be white for this entire question to apply since it goes into some...race related issues. But ill see what I can do to minimize that part.












Lets say you make a topic in the main NBA forum that you run all year with your thoughts on the league. Someone at a newspaper in DC reads it and decides to offer you a job covering the NBA for them. Its 10 thousand a year more than you make now...and you love the idea. So they move you out...

You LOVE the job and have become pretty well known and loved in the DC sports community. But....

Next week you get word that your paper is shutting down the first of the year. They gave you no notice and said they they just got word from the higher ups themselves. They tell the entire staff as a group at a mandatory meeting and tell you that they will be meeting with some of you personally to discuss some things. You are one of them...

Turns out one of the bosses contacted an old friend at the Baltimore Sun about you when word got out about what was going down. Turns out they want to offer you a job covering the Orioles with the former writer there being bumped up to overseeing the entire sports department. You arent really a baseball guy but they offer you like 300,000 a year so.....you of course accept and drive out to Baltimore to meet your new coworkers and get a feel for the job. They give you the tour and let you know how they love your writing style and dont want you to change a thing. They are giving you virtually unchecked control of what the Sun has to say about all matters related to baseball. Just before you leave you are introduced to the new head of sports whos old job you are stepping into. They are said to be a big fan of yours and you go in expecting a 50 something white guy and instead....

In walks a somewhat light skinned black girl who looks to be no more than 25 or 26. Cute as can be. First thing to enter your mind is "5'5'' with brown eyes(Caramel complected) smile like the Sunrise(body like heaven)". Lines fro ma song you have not heard in 8 years...but she made the song enter your mind.

Shes somewhere between Lauren London:




And Christina Millian






Before you can even begin to wonder how this girl got this job she is right up on you shaking your hand and telling you about a few of her favorite articles you wrote and telling you about how when she heard you were being brought in she read everything you ever wrote to get a feel for your style and she fell in love with it.

She tells you that you and her need to discuss what you are gonna do for the next few months before baseball really becomes a topic again since shes been charged with deciding how best to use everyone in the department. You suggest that you can offer some input on the NFL and she tells you that shes open to the idea but they have a well established set of NFL writers who have dibs. She tells you that shed like to take you out that night to discuss it if you arent busy and of course you agree. You run home and get your shit together and meet her back there at 8 since you dont know Baltimore well enough to meet her anywhere else. She tells you to hop in her car. A Phantom Drophead coupe just like this one only painted pink:






Shes gonna take you to a spot she says she does her most productive thinking....

A club in West Baltimore brimming with potential undesirables who would probably set off the metal detector if the club were dumb enough to try to use one. She leads you by hand to the front of the line and walks in with you. Head straight to VIP sits you down and....has a casual conversation about your shortterm plans and how you can be of use to the Sun. You end up assigned to kinda do your own thing for a couple months and just give them something they can run twice a week to ease you into the readers awareness. You can cover whatever you like with the understanding you not stick to one subject too much unless its baseball as not to step on any toes.

That out of the way she says she wants to know a little more about you. You tell her...everything. She gets the life story. Whole time you notice she is giving you nothing back. Shes enjoying herself but has not bitten any of the bait you have thrown out trying to get her to explain how she got to where she is in life so quickly. She only tells you that its good to be in her family in Baltimore and wont go into it any more. And says she never gives even that much to people she barely knows.

Late that night she is driving you back to your car and Pretty Rickys classic(yet terrible) song "Your Body" comes on the radio.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g6pFWhwXpLA

That if you dont remember it. You at least remember the melody.

You are drunk as hell singing the hook with her providing solid backup and covering the adlibs and at one point you do the "We aint gotta make love...we can just cuddle up" and she breaks in and asks in a suggestive tone "But if she wants you to beat it up?" and you respond with the line I dont feel a need to type out assuming she was kidding. She turns at the next light and is no longer headed back to your car. She pulls up at a hotel and asks you again. "If she wants you to beat it up....". You kinda still thinking its a joke inform her once more of your willingness to beat it up. She tells you that if you are going to do anything it should be now...before you are technically her subordinate. which will be tomorrow when you come in to sign the papers.

You dont know how any of this has happened. You are both drunk...but there was some chemistry. And out of nowhere you go from playful singing riding in the Bentley...to...

9 minutes later are in a suite with her kinda wondering if you will perform at an acceptable level. She puts you at ease and tells you that you are her first white boy

****im assuming most of ISH is white....if you arent..disregard that****

and she has no expectations so no matter what she wont be let down. finding it funny but a little insulting....

You proceed to beat the brakes off this girl in a session of ultramarathon ****.ing of a type you had not thought yourself capable. You make her *** 17 times in 3 and a half hours of virtually uninterrupted ****ing that leaves you dehydrated, crampish(you know that feeling where you know a cramp is likely if you move just the right way), and sore and her flat out flummoxed....not quite passed out but unable to get to her feet....a confounded mess laying face down ass up on the love seat where you left her. Few minutes later she gets to her feet and gives you a look like she is absolutly smitten.

So a little undercover relationship jumps off over the next few months with you doing all you can to hide it at work. Time comes for her to introduce you to the family. Its been put off because as she put it....you probably wont get along and you would be the only side who wanted to get along. They dont like you and you dont really want to push it. But its been like 4 months and it just needs to be done. You love her. have considered icing the finger. Not sure. But its crossed your mind. So you gotta meet the family.
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Old 11-02-2010, 04:26 AM   #3
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Default Re: A series of questions to help you pass the time.

She takes you one day to church after which a man you know you have seen before somewhere approaches and tells you




"Im Kellys father....".

After a moment of intros you tell him you just know you have seen him before somewhere. He says you probably either saw him on the BET American Gangster series...or playing the preacher on the Wire. He is little Melvin. Legendary Baltimore drug dealer on whom the Wires first season was based.



Turns out he had used his influence to get his daughter(the product of smuggled out sperm before he was let out of jail) into such an unlikely position for a 24 yearold black girl from west Baltimore. He had been running much of the drug trade from in jail and came out with more power than when he went in(and this guy was believe it or not contacted by the military and poilice for help ending the riots in Baltimore after MLK was killed). He tells his daughter to give him some time alone with you. He informs you of his kingpin status and gives you a bit of a rundown on what hes up to now. He tells you he isnt afraid to tell you because he knows his daughter would never bring a man to him who he had to worry about. But...he cannot give you his blessing to continue with his daughter unless you can do something to show you can be trusted.

And if you can do what he needs he will see to it that you get the same treatment at work his daughter got. He can get you the head job covering the Ravens. he can get you on FSN. Maybe espn if you get a break or two. In a scene that would remind you of Joe Peeples talking to Christian Bale if you ever saw the new Shaft movie he explains that he has run the parts of Baltimore that the world doesnt care about for the better part of 40 years. That in West Baltimore he can walk on water and raise the dead....but downtown hes nothing but an ex-con who even in his best suits people think is a waiter. He wants you to take him downtown with you. To the ballpark with you. To the places he cant get himself. When you assume he means himself physically..he tells you that when he says "Me" *he tosses you a bag of off white powder* he means that.

This man...one of the biggest drug dealers/gangsters in american history...wants you to sell drugs for him to people who cant come to the places he sells them now. He says he had an arrangement with a writer in the 80s who sold to all sorts of athletes. Cal Ripken used to blow 200Gs a year he says. Supposedly Joe Flacco has a habit or two on the low. Athletes and professional white people are the people he wants you to take "him" to with a solid list of people he knows or suspects would be receptive. And it would make getting things done with the kind of people who have a real budget to blow a lot easier. He cant have goons outside the Ravens lockerroom or the Orioles clubhouse handing out off white bricks. But he can have his respected reporter son in law who he trusts....who belongs in the lockerrooms....do a lot of things. Meet a lot of people who dont shake hands with hood types. And go unnoticed.

He makes you a simple offer.

Take him to the places he cant take himself. Herion. Coke. Whatever. Get him into that world. He fast tracks your career and gives the thumbs up to you and his girl.

Turn him down and you will never work anywhere his reach can touch and you will never see his daughter again.

Will you do as he asks and risk losing years of your life to keep your girl and advance your career?
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Old 11-02-2010, 04:40 AM   #4
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Default Re: A series of questions to help you pass the time.

1. First time I fingered a girl I used the hook motion. 2 fingers all the way in flicking upwards towards me.

2. Never watched whos the boss although unlikely

3. Depends on what the job paid. If it was 200k+ with decent security, yes. Otherwise no.

4. No, an 06 grand cherokee is like 6 or 7 k

5. yes..i would just get drunk as fuck off some four loko's ahead of time to make the time go by faster

6. ...of course

7. Yes it would be hilarious and I would sell the tickets

8. Yes and I would resell the brittle/nacho cheese

9. Throw water on my face because I clearly must be imagining things..a woman is outside of the kitchen

10. not reading the rest of that garbage
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Old 11-02-2010, 04:51 AM   #5
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Default Re: A series of questions to help you pass the time.

I didnt/dont expect more than 3-4 people to read it. People in those "Passing the time" situations. The situations where I write these things. Working nights on a computer half the time for years has generated many of these questions.

#10 was actually kinda short by my standards. There is a 20-30 thousand word story that has spanned like 8 months elsewhere that I cant think of an ending to. But nobody here would understand it at all so there is no translating.



And the pierce thing I think would be hard to go through with. You probably do it 5-6 games and then its just....a hassle. He might have 5 30 point games a season. Just catching them would be hell.
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Old 11-02-2010, 04:58 AM   #6
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Default Re: A series of questions to help you pass the time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kblaze8855
1.First time you fingered a girl...did you reach far enough up inside to feel that rigged area? Like...little waves? If you hook your finger...you feel that area. Well the first time I did it I wondered what it was...I didnt ask of course. But I had no way to check on it...till the internet. Yes I was fingering before the internet was widespread. Im old. Anyway one day I looked it up...it was said that some consider that the Gspot....with virtually no evidence of it being true. And yet I still ****ed with it a little more next time I had a finger in a ******. My question to you is this...

1) no, i didn't ask. probably didn't even find that area the first time i fingered a chick: it was a very delicate, tentative operation full of youthful ignorance. probably wasn't very enjoyable for the female in question

2) no way. firstly, because i think danza has blown all that money on coke. secondly, i eat more than enough sugar already, what with my consumption of multiple energy drinks per work day.

3) yes, baron doesn't seem like a surreptitious kinda guy. worst case scenario, he gives me some ketamine and i sink into a k-hole for a few hours, pawing at my face like some kind of demented down syndrome meets muscular dystrophy case. if i thought he was trying to poison me? i'd pass it off to my helot and sue that motherf*cker for all he's worth.

4) no, no, no, no, no. all my nerves in that area would be ****ed up and i'd feel self-conscious about removing my shirt, which in turn would stifle my already wheezing love life like nucky thompson's brother in boardwalk empire.

5) are you kidding me? of course i would. not because i think captain stabbin will put up that many points this year, but mainly because i would become a celtics icon. i'd move over the bahstahn, win over the hearts of the legions of fairweather fans, and after a while maybe even pete's montreux and johndeer.

6) yes, probably would've used it a few years ago when i was f*cked over at uni by a fascist lecturer. retrospectively there would've been some contrition, but at the time? in the heat of the moment? that cereal box-collecting motherf*cker would've GONE DOWN.

7) yes, i'd probably even put on luis guzman's accent from 'out of sight'. however, i wouldn't travel out to the superbowl - flying from australia on a yearly basis wouldn't be worth it - i'd sell the tickets at the highest possible price.

8) easily. i used to not eat for two days ALL the time. it was partially laziness when my parents travelled overseas and partly poverty. i think once or twice i even lasted three days. once you're through the first day, it really isn't that difficult; you don't even feel like eating and the pangs of hunger subside.

9) i think i'd give her the rogering she so sorely wants. obviously she's trying to recapture that moment in the sun when she was famous, attractive (in a sarah jessica parker kinda way... wait, that's not attractive at all) and rich. she's living in the past. i wouldn't listen to that stupid theme song, though... i'd slip on the family matters theme when she went to "slip into something more comfortable".
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Old 11-02-2010, 05:09 AM   #7
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Default Re: A series of questions to help you pass the time.

10) yes. mainly because i could never DREAM of getting a girl of that calibre - there are no black chicks in australia - and also because they're not going to have cops with dogs walking around a fricken sports stadium... particularly at the VIP entrance. plus even if i get caught, maurice levy is going to represent the SHIT out of me.
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Old 11-02-2010, 06:30 AM   #8
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Default Re: A series of questions to help you pass the time.

1. I think the first time I fingered a girl, she didn't know exactly what it was either. She was a slightly older chick, but not very wise in the ways of the world. A very family-orientated, religious girl. My ex actually. Why it surprised the hell out of me when she virtually grabbed my finger and shoved it up there. I wasn't clueless in the ways of sex and foreplay, but wasn't exactly very experienced either, but I found 'it', she said it felt great, so we just went with it. I'm not gonna act like I'm some expert like some of the fakers on ISH will no doubt try and do, I didn't exactly know what it was straightaway, but it wasn't too hard to figure out either. I knew 'of' the G-Spot, just wasn't entirely sure where.

2. I have absolutely no idea who Tony Danza is, and have never heard of 'Who's the boss', so I'll say no, without bothering to actually research who and what the respective topics are.

3. Yeah, without too much thought, but a little. I'd have to make sure it's actually Baron Davis first and not some lookalike, but I don't think I could handle that 'what if' feeling if I turned it down too well.

4. I'll keep my nipple thanks, I'm not a fan of that particular model.

5. Yep, definitely would be up for that, as oddly random as that scenario is! I really don't get how you dreamt that one up. I don't see anything you're losing out on except your own personal time. I'm unemployed right now so I'd probably do it every game haha.

6. Yep, of course. Normally I'd just stay away from those types of situations and let them get on with whatever they are doing. I have no need to mix with them type of people, and I don't like drawing attention to myself in most situations, I'm a pretty quiet guy. But, in this scenario, where you can possibly get in some shit yourself if you don't act, then hell yes, I'd stomp him out too if that was asked of me.

7. Again, no idea who that guy is, but obviously it all sounds pretty homo, and I'm not a big NFL fan anyway. I've never been able to physically sit and watch a whole Superbowl on tv without turning it off, or falling asleep. I just can't do it! I'll say thanks, but no thanks.

8. I'd do it for the nacho cheese on it's own. Not a fan of anything peanut related though. So if you had to have both, then no.

9. I need pictures. I've tried searching for whoever this woman is, but to no avail.

10. Yeah I would. If she's the real deal and is the girl of my dreams, I would do it. Career is important too, and getting to write at the level you've dreamed of would be amazing. I actually do aspire to become a sports journalist in some capacity one day, so the white guy in this scenario sounds like a man after my own heart. Isn't like you're definitely going to get snitched on for drug dealing, seeing as the guys you'd be dealing to will likely have heavy influence with their big wallets, and could easily shut some potential snitches up with some bribes etc. You're just the messenger, it's the fat cats in suits, or sport stars buying the shit who'd get burned more if it was found out they are dabbling in drugs. If Kelly's father has so much influence too, then I don't see what the huge danger is, even if you did get caught once.

Question though. Is Kelly completely aware of her Dad and his dealings, and his influence? Or is she the sort of daddy's girl who's been brainwashed into thinking she's actually made it this far on her own? Would she know that you're dealing to all these people?

EDIT: God damnit, all them smileys I've used make it look like I'm Onceinadecade or something...sorry if it's hard to read. I can't be bothered re-editing though.
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Old 11-02-2010, 01:34 PM   #9
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Default Re: A series of questions to help you pass the time.

Quote:
1) no, i didn't ask. probably didn't even find that area the first time i fingered a chick: it was a very delicate, tentative operation full of youthful ignorance. probably wasn't very enjoyable for the female in question

I was later told I was way too aggressive first time I found my finger in a girl. I found all there was to find....
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Old 11-02-2010, 01:45 PM   #10
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Default Re: A series of questions to help you pass the time.

10. unlikely

i'd probably bust within the first 18 minutes of the "marathon" bone session

although, i will suspend my disbelief and humor you with a "yes"
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Old 11-02-2010, 01:54 PM   #11
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Default Re: A series of questions to help you pass the time.

I would definitely not push drugs for some notorious dealer just so I can bang some hot chick and work as a sports writer.
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Old 11-02-2010, 01:56 PM   #12
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Default Re: A series of questions to help you pass the time.

I'll talk about 10 since it was the most interesting. The concept of getting all this money and a sexy ass chick for the rest of my life would be great, but at the cost of selling my soul? Nah.

If it was weed, I'd reconsider, but cocaine? That'd go against everything I believe in. Couldn't do it. Hell, I believe athletes shouldn't even drink or smoke, and I never smoke/try to drink as little as possible (I' prob drank 6 times in 2010?). I'm not even a damn athlete.

I'd just politely turn him down. It gets tricky though since if love is in the equation, it'd be a lot harder.
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Old 11-02-2010, 02:04 PM   #13
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Default Re: A series of questions to help you pass the time.

10. was really the only one I read, just because I needed something to pass the time and it was a good time passer. I would honestly think hard about it. Did you say what city it was in that I have to be the dealer? Because I think we can agree in some areas it's far easier to push drugs and not get caught. But I'd probably do it either way.

Whoops just went back and saw it as baltimore

And since I want to be a sportswriter, and she is pretty much my dream girl. I'd probably do it.

Last edited by Rose : 11-02-2010 at 02:06 PM.
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Old 11-02-2010, 05:39 PM   #14
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Default Re: A series of questions to help you pass the time.

I gotta imagine it would be pretty hard to be caught selling drugs in those places. Itsn ot exactly down on the corner.
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