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Old 12-08-2010, 03:08 PM   #1
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When Nothing Created Everything | First Things

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When Nothing Created Everything
Dec 8, 2010
Joe Carter


Throughout history people have been awed and thrilled by retellings of their culture’s creation story.
Aztecs would tell of the Lady of the Skirt of Snakes, Phoenicians about the Zophashamin, and Jews and Christians about the one true God—Jehovah. But there is one unfortunate group—the children of atheistic materialists—that has no creation myth to call its own. When an inquisitive tyke asks who created the sun, the animals, and mankind, their materialist parents can only tell them to read a book by Carl Sagan or Richard Dawkins.

But what sort of story are they likely to find? Should they be told, as famed astrophysicist Stephen Hawking claims in his recent book The Grand Design that “the universe… create[d] itself from nothing”?

Since Hawking's explanation is a bit too drab and nospecific for bedtime reading I’ve decided to take the elements of materialism and shape them into a purportedly accurate, though mythic, narrative. This is what our culture has been missing for far too long—a creation story for young atheistic materialists.

******

In the beginning was Nothing, and Nothing created Everything. When Nothing decided to create Everything, she filled a tiny dot with Time, Chance, and Everything and had it expand. The expansion spread Everything into Everywhere carrying Time and Chance with it to keep it company. The three stretched out together leaving bits of themselves wherever they went. One of those places was the planet Earth.

For no particular Reason—for Reason is rarely particular—Time and Chance took a liking to this little, wet, blue rock and decided to stick around to see what adventures they might have. While the pair found the Earth to be intriguing and pretty, they also found it a bit too quiet, too static. They fixed upon an idea to change Everything (just a little) by creating a special Something. Time and Chance roamed the planet, splashing through the oceans and sloshing through the mud, in search of materials. But though they looked Everywhere, there was a missing ingredient that they needed in order to make a Something that could create more of the same Somethings.

They called to their friend Everything to help. Since Everything had been Everywhere she would no doubt be able to find the missing ingredient. And indeed she did. Hidden away in a small alcove called Somewhere, Everything found what Time and Chance had needed all along: Information. Everything put Information on a piece of ice and rock that happened to be passing by the former planet Pluto and sent it back to her friends on Earth.

Now that they had Information, Time and Chance were finally able to create a self-replicating Something which they called Life. Once they created Life they found that it not only grew into more Somethings, but began to become Otherthings, too! The Somethings and the Otherthings began to fill the Earth—from the bottom of the oceans to the top of the sky. Their creation, which began as a single Something, eventually became millions and billions of Otherthings.

Time and Chance, though, where the bickering sort and were constantly feuding over which of them was the most powerful. One day they began to argue over who had been more responsible for creating Life. Everything (who was forever eavesdropping) overheard the spat and suggested that they settle by putting their creative skills to work on a new creature called Man. They all thought is was a splendid plan—for Man was a dull, hairy beast who would indeed provide a suitable challenge—and began to boast about who could create an ability, which they called Consciousness, that would allow Man to be aware of Chance, Time, Everything, and Nothing.

Chance, always a bit of a dawdler, got off to a slow start, so Time, who never rested, completed the task first. Time rushed around, filling the gooey matter inside each Man’s head with Consciousness. But as he was gloating over his victory he noticed a strange reaction. When Man saw that Everything had been created by Time, Chance, and Nothing, his Consciousness filled with Despair.

Chance immediately saw a solution to the problem and took the remaining materials she was using to make Consciousness to create Beliefs. When Chance mixed Beliefs into the gray goo, Man stopped filling with Despair and started creating Illusions. These Illusions took various forms—God, Purpose, Meaning—and were almost always effective in preventing Man from filling up with Despair.

Nothing, who tended to be rather forgetful, remembered her creation and decided to take a look around Everything. When she saw what Time and Chance had done on planet Earth she was mildly amused, but forbade them to fill any more creatures with Consciousness or Beliefs (which is why Man is the only Something that has both). But Nothing took a fancy to Man and told Time and Chance that when each one’s Life ran out, she would take him or her and make them into Nothing too.

And that is why, children, when Man loses his Life he goes from being a Something created by Time and Chance into becoming like his creator—Nothing.


Joe Carter is web editor of First Things. His previous articles for “On the Square” can be found here.
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Old 12-08-2010, 03:23 PM   #2
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Default Re: When Nothing Created Everything

sorry bro, no way i read that. there will only ever be room for one joe carter in my life.

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Old 12-08-2010, 03:25 PM   #3
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Default Re: When Nothing Created Everything

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Originally Posted by knobs
sorry bro, no way i read that. there will only ever be room for one joe carter in my life.



Philly fans mad.
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Old 12-08-2010, 03:28 PM   #4
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Default Re: When Nothing Created Everything

Yo creo en dios pero paginas de lettras como estas se me asen perdida de tiempo. Nadien realmente va ah cambiar lo que piensan, I los demas no usan la razon. Puro odio por aqui y odio por aya. Me quito el polvo del brazo guey.
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Old 12-08-2010, 03:31 PM   #5
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Default Re: When Nothing Created Everything

I have to laugh at this guy...



...calling Stephen Hawking's brilliant theorems 'a bit too drab and nonspecific.'

I mean, I know it isn't as specific as Bible verses explaining how woman was made from the rib of a man, Satan and God gambling on the outcome of a man's life that they decided to ruin for no good reason and a guy collecting all animals and birds on a boat and floating around for hundreds of years, but isn't everything 'too drab and nonspecific' after reading tall tales like those?
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Old 12-08-2010, 03:33 PM   #6
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Default Re: When Nothing Created Everything

Quote:
Originally Posted by RedBlackAttack
I have to laugh at this guy... I mean, I know it isn't as specific as Bible verses explaining how woman was made from the rib of a man, Satan and God gambling on the outcome of a man's life that they decided to ruin for no good reason and a guy collecting all animals and birds on a boat and floating around for hundreds of years, but isn't everything 'too drab and nonspecific' after reading tall tales like those?

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Old 12-08-2010, 03:35 PM   #7
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Default Re: When Nothing Created Everything

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeN
Yo creo en dios pero paginas de lettras como estas se me asen perdida de tiempo. Nadien realmente va ah cambiar lo que piensan, I los demas no usan la razon. Puro odio por aqui y odio por aya. Me quito el polvo del brazo guey.
Hawking es un padrote. La Biblia es un libro de mitos. No dé sombra los ojos a la verdad.
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Old 12-08-2010, 04:12 PM   #8
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Default Re: When Nothing Created Everything

Quote:
Originally Posted by RedBlackAttack
I have to laugh at this guy...



...calling Stephen Hawking's brilliant theorems 'a bit too drab and nonspecific.'

I mean, I know it isn't as specific as Bible verses explaining how woman was made from the rib of a man, Satan and God gambling on the outcome of a man's life that they decided to ruin for no good reason and a guy collecting all animals and birds on a boat and floating around for hundreds of years, but isn't everything 'too drab and nonspecific' after reading tall tales like those?

Hawking has cranked his Hoveround up to full-throttle and jumped the shark. His latest hypothesis, the one being mocked here, is "giving up" to the same extent which the irreligious claim the religious have given up.

Hawking has postulated that the laws of physics are eternal and that they, in and of themselves, have created our universe and anything which may lie beyond it. Essentially, he's made the laws of physics his "God," which accomplishes three things for Hawking:

(i) It creates the impression that he's promoting science rather than the metaphysics of his dogmatic worldview.

(ii) It strips the universe of any sort of purpose, intent or ultimate authority (which Hawking─nay, all God-denialists─fear).

(iii) It allows a well-past-his-prime-scientist, a man whose time is running out, to fulfill his dream: Disproving God. Actually, no, it doesn't do that. It does, however, give the old bastard a grandiose self-delusion that he's disproved God, and if that makes him happy, that's good enough.

Kudos to Mr. Carter for his excellent mockery of Hawking's (and the like-minded) "creation story." Pox to those who lack the braincells to see through the gobbledygook of Hawking's Last Hurrah.
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Old 12-08-2010, 05:45 PM   #9
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Default Re: When Nothing Created Everything

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mista Kool
Hawking has cranked his Hoveround up to full-throttle and jumped the shark. His latest hypothesis, the one being mocked here, is "giving up" to the same extent which the irreligious claim the religious have given up.

Hawking has postulated that the laws of physics are eternal and that they, in and of themselves, have created our universe and anything which may lie beyond it. Essentially, he's made the laws of physics his "God," which accomplishes three things for Hawking:

(i) It creates the impression that he's promoting science rather than the metaphysics of his dogmatic worldview.

(ii) It strips the universe of any sort of purpose, intent or ultimate authority (which Hawking─nay, all God-denialists─fear).

(iii) It allows a well-past-his-prime-scientist, a man whose time is running out, to fulfill his dream: Disproving God. Actually, no, it doesn't do that. It does, however, give the old bastard a grandiose self-delusion that he's disproved God, and if that makes him happy, that's good enough.

Kudos to Mr. Carter for his excellent mockery of Hawking's (and the like-minded) "creation story." Pox to those who lack the braincells to see through the gobbledygook of Hawking's Last Hurrah.

The sooner you accept this notion and stop thinking that your magical sky daddy has some sort of 'purpose' for you beyond selling women's shoes and is holding your hand along the path of your meaningless life, the sooner you'll accept the undeniable facts of life and nature and you can stop scouring the net for misguided drivel like what you posted. There is no intrinsic meaning, purpose, or authority to the Universe... just what some shroom consuming religious fanatics jotted down while tripping in the desert 2,000 years ago and rehashed from older arcane myths and slapped on new titles to. Jesus=Sol Invictus=Serapis=Horus and so on. RBA pretty much shut this thread down before it even had a chance, so I'll leave it at this.

Nice little billboard near the entrance of the Lincoln Tunnel:



Merry Winter Solstice
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Old 12-08-2010, 06:32 PM   #10
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Default Re: When Nothing Created Everything

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeN
Yo creo en dios pero paginas de lettras como estas se me asen perdida de tiempo. Nadien realmente va ah cambiar lo que piensan, I los demas no usan la razon. Puro odio por aqui y odio por aya. Me quito el polvo del brazo guey.

Somebody's spanish is a tad rusty, eh?
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Old 12-08-2010, 06:36 PM   #11
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Default Re: When Nothing Created Everything

I hope that nothing creates a tree in front of you while you're driving and you swerve into an abutment and die.
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Old 12-08-2010, 06:37 PM   #12
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Default Re: When Nothing Created Everything

Quote:
Originally Posted by DonDadda59
The sooner you accept this notion and stop thinking that your magical sky daddy has some sort of 'purpose' for you beyond selling women's shoes and is holding your hand along the path of your meaningless life, the sooner you'll accept the undeniable facts of life and nature and you can stop scouring the net for misguided drivel like what you posted. There is no intrinsic meaning, purpose, or authority to the Universe... just what some shroom consuming religious fanatics jotted down while tripping in the desert 2,000 years ago and rehashed from older arcane myths and slapped on new titles to. Jesus=Sol Invictus=Serapis=Horus and so on. RBA pretty much shut this thread down before it even had a chance, so I'll leave it at this.

Nice little billboard near the entrance of the Lincoln Tunnel:



Merry Winter Solstice

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Old 12-08-2010, 06:40 PM   #13
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Default Re: When Nothing Created Everything

Quote:
Originally Posted by DonDadda59
Nice little billboard near the entrance of the Lincoln Tunnel:



Merry Winter Solstice



"There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life."
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Old 12-08-2010, 07:15 PM   #14
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Default Re: When Nothing Created Everything

Quote:
Originally Posted by DonDadda59
The sooner you accept this notion and stop thinking that your magical sky daddy has some sort of 'purpose' for you beyond selling women's shoes and is holding your hand along the path of your meaningless life, the sooner you'll accept the undeniable facts of life and nature and you can stop scouring the net for misguided drivel like what you posted. There is no intrinsic meaning, purpose, or authority to the Universe... just what some shroom consuming religious fanatics jotted down while tripping in the desert 2,000 years ago and rehashed from older arcane myths and slapped on new titles to. Jesus=Sol Invictus=Serapis=Horus and so on. RBA pretty much shut this thread down before it even had a chance, so I'll leave it at this.

Nice little billboard near the entrance of the Lincoln Tunnel:



Merry Winter Solstice
your life has a purpose...

and that pile of flesh you call a body has a soul inside it...

crazy huh?
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Old 12-08-2010, 07:35 PM   #15
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Default Re: When Nothing Created Everything

Quote:
Originally Posted by DonDadda59

Nice little billboard near the entrance of the Lincoln Tunnel:



Merry Winter Solstice
well done
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