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Old 04-09-2011, 05:31 AM   #1
thomaspynchon
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Default Bill Simmons: Dirkules is MVP

If players were forced to argue their own MVP cases, here's what I would write for Dirk to say (add your own German hip-hop accent):

"Um, have you ever watched us? We were playing three-on-five offensively in crunch-time when Caron Butler was healthy. In every close game, we run every play for me. No, really. Watch us some time. According to 82games.com, I'm the league's best clutch scorer: in crunch-time, I make 49.5 percent of my field goals, get to the line more than anyone else and make 89 percent of my free throws. I have chunks of Kobe's crunch-time prowess in my stool. And that's playing with Tyson Chandler and Shawn Marion (who couldn't create shots for themselves if they were posting up Yi Jianlian's old chair from the 2007 draft) and Jason Kidd, who's only been decomposing since the All-Star Break. When I got injured in December, we went 2-8 while I was out, then 1-2 as I eased my way back into shape. We're 50-15 when I'm healthy even though Jason Terry is my second-best teammate -- he'd be the fifth-best Bull, fifth-best Celtic, sixth-best Laker and the fifth-best Blazer (a team that we're playing in Round 1).

"I thought for sure we'd make a deadline deal to help me. We didn't have much to trade because everyone on our team is between two and 12 years past his prime except Roddy Beaubois. Our front office decided Roddy was untradeable, which sounded good on paper when he was injured, but then he came back and started playing, and now it's just plain awkward. So far he's looked like either a poor man's Tony Parker or a homeless man's Tony Parker. The Dallas employee who decided Roddy was untradeable must have been the same guy who guaranteed those 1,400 temporary seats would be done for Super Bowl XLV. To be honest, I have no idea how we ended up with a 3-seed. We're going to lose in Round 1 or Round 2. Crap. Anyway, um ... vote for Dirk for MVP!"
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Old 04-09-2011, 05:34 AM   #2
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Default Re: Bill Simmons: Dirkules is MVP

Agree with pretty much everything. Should be very close between Rose, Dwight, and Ze German.
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Old 04-09-2011, 05:38 AM   #3
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Default Re: Bill Simmons: Dirkules is MVP

repost
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Old 04-09-2011, 05:39 AM   #4
thomaspynchon
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Default Re: Bill Simmons: Dirkules is MVP

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stuckey
repost

link to original? if so, please delete my thread...
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Old 04-09-2011, 06:06 AM   #5
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Default Re: Bill Simmons: Dirkules is MVP

If MVP were really most VALUABLE player, then Dwight Howard would win without question. The award isn't voted that way though.
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Old 04-09-2011, 06:13 AM   #6
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Default Re: Bill Simmons: Dirkules is MVP

No way is a soft, jumping shooting euro 7 footer with no leadership skills like Dirk a more valuable player then too fast, too strong Derrick Rose who has led his team to the second best record in the NBA with injuries to two key players during the season. All the while no one expected his team to accomplish that, when everyone already knew the Mavericks would capitalize on the regular season, but fail utterly and epically in the post season which is going to happen when the Mavs get a first round exit if they play the Blazers or Nuggest.
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Old 04-09-2011, 06:21 AM   #7
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Default Re: Bill Simmons: Dirkules is MVP

the mavs stink lol
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Old 04-09-2011, 06:26 AM   #8
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Default Re: Bill Simmons: Dirkules is MVP

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarcastic
If MVP were really most VALUABLE player, then Dwight Howard would win without question. The award isn't voted that way though.

Dwight Howard is part of a team with the 8th best record in the NBA.

The Magic is 4th in the East right where everybody predicted they would be.

I guess he is not THAT valuable.

Dirk is the 2th in the MVP award. Well done!

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Old 04-09-2011, 06:29 AM   #9
Wonder Bread Kid
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Default Re: Bill Simmons: Dirkules is MVP

at the OP.

His Mavs aren't getting out of the first round but he wants to believe so badly his soft superstar is the MVP.
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Old 04-09-2011, 03:06 PM   #10
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Default Re: Bill Simmons: Dirkules is MVP

I have to agree, Dirk is getting overlooked when it comes to talking about MVP candidates. I guess he missed a chunk of games so there's that, but you can't overlook what he has done with that cluster**** roster of failures (including himself to an extent). You also have to wonder how much the last time he got an MVP and what happens plays a role. You don't want to give a guy an MVP and have him have to accept it as a press conference, that is NOT preceeding said MVP playing in the 2nd round.

I think it's Rose, and I can live with that, I just don't want to see a runaway. DH12, Kobe, LeBron, Durant, all deserve to get votes too. Then you'll have a few WTF votes that will tell you where the person who votes for them is from (like if Kevin Love gets a vote).
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Old 04-09-2011, 03:11 PM   #11
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Default Re: Bill Simmons: Dirkules is MVP

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wonder Bread Kid
at the OP.

His Mavs aren't getting out of the first round but he wants to believe so badly his soft superstar is the MVP.

Spurs aint winnin sheet either retard
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Old 04-09-2011, 04:54 PM   #12
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Default Re: Bill Simmons: Dirkules is MVP

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarcastic
If MVP were really most VALUABLE player, then Dwight Howard would win without question. The award isn't voted that way though.


I really think they need to change the name of the award or change the criteria because it really is a misleading title
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Old 04-09-2011, 04:56 PM   #13
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Default Re: Bill Simmons: Dirkules is MVP

MVP= Wade.

Case Close.
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Old 04-09-2011, 05:00 PM   #14
midatlantic09
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Default Re: Bill Simmons: Dirkules is MVP

Dirk isn't even a top 5 player, let alone MVP.
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Old 04-09-2011, 05:07 PM   #15
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Default Re: Bill Simmons: Dirkules is MVP

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