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Old 01-17-2012, 07:23 PM   #1
millwad
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Default Feeling guilt over my old best friend's death..

Feels so unreal, my best friend from my youth has just passed away.

Growing up he was my best friend, we hung out every day, I even forced him to join my basketball team. He was almost like my second brother.When we got a little older I felt like we had less in common and he became depressed and started to play poker and got in trouble big time and he had no family who cared about him and I started to hang out with other friends instead and almost forgot about him.

Instead of being a real friend and trying to stand up for him when no one did I basically gave up on our friendship, although we no longer had anything in common I feel like I should have at least done something to help.. He started to hang out with bad people and no one in his family cared about him..

I feel so bad for him, he didn't deserve to die like this, it was his birthday a couple of days ago and I didn't even congratulate him..

How do you deal with this kind of feeling of guilt?
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Old 01-17-2012, 07:26 PM   #2
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Default Re: Feeling guilt over my old best friend's death..

hdhp?
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Old 01-17-2012, 07:27 PM   #3
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Default Re: Feeling guilt over my old best friend's death..

You were a bad friend bro. Best friends don't do that, don't consider him a best friend if your going to abandon him for other friends and ditch him because he was either holding you back this or that. I wouldn't ever do that to my boys.
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Old 01-17-2012, 07:33 PM   #4
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Default Re: Feeling guilt over my old best friend's death..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Draz
You were a bad friend bro. Best friends don't do that, don't consider him a best friend if your going to abandon him for other friends and ditch him because he was either holding you back this or that. I wouldn't ever do that to my boys.
this is exactly what he needs to feel better...
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Old 01-17-2012, 07:34 PM   #5
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Default Re: Feeling guilt over my old best friend's death..

90 bucks says this story is fake like all of the op's posts and threads.
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Old 01-17-2012, 07:35 PM   #6
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Default Re: Feeling guilt over my old best friend's death..

Quote:
Originally Posted by millwad
Feels so unreal, my best friend from my youth has just passed away.

Growing up he was my best friend, we hung out every day, I even forced him to join my basketball team. He was almost like my second brother.When we got a little older I felt like we had less in common and he became depressed and started to play poker and got in trouble big time and he had no family who cared about him and I started to hang out with other friends instead and almost forgot about him.

Instead of being a real friend and trying to stand up for him when no one did I basically gave up on our friendship, although we no longer had anything in common I feel like I should have at least done something to help.. He started to hang out with bad people and no one in his family cared about him..

I feel so bad for him, he didn't deserve to die like this, it was his birthday a couple of days ago and I didn't even congratulate him..

How do you deal with this kind of feeling of guilt?

how'd he die?

i'm so sorry, man. there's nothing you can do now except learn from your mistakes. love everyone you care about regardless of the circumstances.
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Old 01-17-2012, 07:37 PM   #7
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Default Re: Feeling guilt over my old best friend's death..

Quote:
Originally Posted by -p.tiddy-
this is exactly what he needs to feel better...

Oh I wasn't trying to make him feel better. I want him to feel like shit. It makes him value life, it makes everyone value their life when they realize it's to late.
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Old 01-17-2012, 07:39 PM   #8
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Default Re: Feeling guilt over my old best friend's death..

Quote:
Originally Posted by airchibundo507
how'd he die?

i'm so sorry, man. there's nothing you can do now except learn from your mistakes. love everyone you care about regardless of the circumstances.

We don't know yet, he had major problems in his life and he started to play poker (later became an addict and he went in jail for some illegal stuff he did) and smoking stuff and hanging out with BAD people and I was never like that.
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Old 01-17-2012, 07:39 PM   #9
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Default Re: Feeling guilt over my old best friend's death..

Cause of Death Suicide? That kind of death usually brings on the most guilt it seems.
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Old 01-17-2012, 07:41 PM   #10
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Default Re: Feeling guilt over my old best friend's death..

I feel your pain, OP. I had a circle of friends that originated from my first high school job, probably around 5 or 6 of us. Did typical high school stuff, played ball, watched video games, smoked pot....basic stuff. We worked with a bunch of Guatemalans, and there was a pretty solid amount of coke that came through the place....so we experimented. Three of them ended ended up "graduating" to crack...shit was sad to see. Stealing money and jewelry from their parents, selling video games, everything. Two of them ended up smartening up soon afterwards, but one of them ended up falling down a really bad path. Like your friend, he didn't have the strong family ties holding him in check like the rest of us were lucky enough to have. I fell out of touch with him until about a year ago when we ran into each other at a party. He seemed to be doing okay, we had a few brews, smoked a couple of L's. Took each others' new numbers down and promised to start hanging out again. Never happened. I got a call last week from somebody in that group of friends and found out the kid overdosed one morning and died. His wake and funeral were a few days ago, and it almost feels fake. They felt bad because they knew he was going downhill and had been trying to get him back on his feet...I felt bad because I feel like I didn't even really do anything at all to help him out.

Long story short, after the wake we got together to talk about some of the good times we had back then. We promised each other (no homo) that we'd be there more often for each other when we needed it. It was too late for our buddy, just like it was too late for yours. Just appreciate the relationships you have now, and say a little prayer for your friend every now and then.
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Old 01-17-2012, 07:42 PM   #11
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Default Re: Feeling guilt over my old best friend's death..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Draz
You were a bad friend bro. Best friends don't do that, don't consider him a best friend if your going to abandon him for other friends and ditch him because he was either holding you back this or that. I wouldn't ever do that to my boys.

It wasn't like that I abandonded him, we were looking for different stuff in life and our friendship basically died when we argued over something stupid and he kicked me out from his home.

I'm a stubborn fool and he was also so our contact died completely 'til recently, I had no idea he felt this bad and I told him I would always be there for him but I guess it didn't matter no more.
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Old 01-17-2012, 07:47 PM   #12
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Default Re: Feeling guilt over my old best friend's death..

Quote:
Originally Posted by millwad
It wasn't like that I abandonded him, we were looking for different stuff in life and our friendship basically died when we argued over something stupid and he kicked me out from his home.

I'm a stubborn fool and he was also so our contact died completely 'til recently, I had no idea he felt this bad and I told him I would always be there for him but I guess it didn't matter no more.

Well I can't nor anyone here can determine your friendship for you. But, it sucks losing someone, especially someone once close. It makes you value people more right?
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Old 01-17-2012, 07:50 PM   #13
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Default Re: Feeling guilt over my old best friend's death..

Quote:
Originally Posted by code green
I feel your pain, OP. I had a circle of friends that originated from my first high school job, probably around 5 or 6 of us. Did typical high school stuff, played ball, watched video games, smoked pot....basic stuff. We worked with a bunch of Guatemalans, and there was a pretty solid amount of coke that came through the place....so we experimented. Three of them ended ended up "graduating" to crack...shit was sad to see. Stealing money and jewelry from their parents, selling video games, everything. Two of them ended up smartening up soon afterwards, but one of them ended up falling down a really bad path. Like your friend, he didn't have the strong family ties holding him in check like the rest of us were lucky enough to have. I fell out of touch with him until about a year ago when we ran into each other at a party. He seemed to be doing okay, we had a few brews, smoked a couple of L's. Took each others' new numbers down and promised to start hanging out again. Never happened. I got a call last week from somebody in that group of friends and found out the kid overdosed one morning and died. His wake and funeral were a few days ago, and it almost feels fake. They felt bad because they knew he was going downhill and had been trying to get him back on his feet...I felt bad because I feel like I didn't even really do anything at all to help him out.

Long story short, after the wake we got together to talk about some of the good times we had back then. We promised each other (no homo) that we'd be there more often for each other when we needed it. It was too late for our buddy, just like it was too late for yours. Just appreciate the relationships you have now, and say a little prayer for your friend every now and then.

Thanks, man!
I really appreciate it, it's not the guilt of feeling like I was the cause of his death but you know, the feeling that I could have done something for him, anything.

Guess this is a horrible lesson I had to go through to understand and learn..
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Old 01-17-2012, 07:51 PM   #14
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Default Re: Feeling guilt over my old best friend's death..

With these kinda friends, who needs enemies??
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Old 01-17-2012, 07:56 PM   #15
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Default Re: Feeling guilt over my old best friend's death..

Quote:
Originally Posted by Waking_Life
Cause of Death Suicide? That kind of death usually brings on the most guilt it seems.

We don't know yet but it must have been overdose. After he started to get really addicted with poker he also started doing drugs, personally I've never even touched a cigarette and his new friends was really bad news. All criminals and dealers. I didn't even know that he was smoking and taking pills 'til this year when I reached out to him to see how he was doing.
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