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Old 10-10-2012, 09:41 PM   #1
Jameerthefear
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Default I hit my girlfriend

We were having an argument and she went too far. She made a comment along the lines of "your loser father couldn't keep a relationship together and you can't either!". When I was around 11, my parents got divorced and fought for custody. My dad wanted me and my brother because he genuinely loved us. My mom wanted us just to spite my dad. She won, and my dad kinda lost it over the decades.

This was too far for me. I had never, EVER hit a girl before, but it happened so fast I didn't even know I did it.

Basically, I cocked my fist back, and flew it straight into her nose. I thought it would be like the movies where she would get a little trickle of blood. It wasn't. Her nose EXPLODED. I think I must of broken a bunch of cartilege or something because blood shot out of both her nostrils, got all over me, got all over the floor. She staggered backwards, hit her head hard enough on the wall to leave a dent, and slumped down.

We were both stunned for about 10 seconds before she started crying hysterically and ran into my room and locked the door. So I went to wash my hands, and while I was in the bathroom I heard her run out of the house and take off in her car. That was about 5 hours ago so I guess she didn't go the cops or anything. So later I went home and broke down in tears.. My mom came in the room and when she heard about the story she got scared and said your moving with your auntie and uncle in bel air. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and had dice in the mirror if anything i can say that this cab was rare but i thought "nah yo homes to bel air!" I pulled up to a house for about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cab yo homes smell ya later, looked at my kingdom I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of bel air
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Old 10-10-2012, 09:46 PM   #2
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Default Re: I hit my girlfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jameerthefear
We were having an argument and she went too far. She made a comment along the lines of "your loser father couldn't keep a relationship together and you can't either!". When I was around 11, my parents got divorced and fought for custody. My dad wanted me and my brother because he genuinely loved us. My mom wanted us just to spite my dad. She won, and my dad kinda lost it over the decades.

This was too far for me. I had never, EVER hit a girl before, but it happened so fast I didn't even know I did it.

Basically, I cocked my fist back, and flew it straight into her nose. I thought it would be like the movies where she would get a little trickle of blood. It wasn't. Her nose EXPLODED. I think I must of broken a bunch of cartilege or something because blood shot out of both her nostrils, got all over me, got all over the floor. She staggered backwards, hit her head hard enough on the wall to leave a dent, and slumped down.

We were both stunned for about 10 seconds before she started crying hysterically and ran into my room and locked the door. So I went to wash my hands, and while I was in the bathroom I heard her run out of the house and take off in her car. That was about 5 hours ago so I guess she didn't go the cops or anything. So later I went home and broke down in tears.. My mom came in the room and when she heard about the story she got scared and said your moving with your auntie and uncle in bel air. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and had dice in the mirror if anything i can say that this cab was rare but i thought "nah yo homes to bel air!" I pulled up to a house for about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cab yo homes smell ya later, looked at my kingdom I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of bel air
Kinda dark.
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Old 10-10-2012, 09:46 PM   #3
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Default Re: I hit my girlfriend

Quote:
When I was around 11, my parents got divorced and fought for custody. My dad wanted me and my brother because he genuinely loved us. My mom wanted us just to spite my dad. She won, and my dad kinda lost it over the decades.

Cover blown.
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Old 10-10-2012, 09:48 PM   #4
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Default Re: I hit my girlfriend

It's like I'm really on /b/ in 2007.
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Old 10-10-2012, 09:53 PM   #5
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Default Re: I hit my girlfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jameerthefear
We were having an argument and she went too far. She made a comment along the lines of "your loser father couldn't keep a relationship together and you can't either!". When I was around 11, my parents got divorced and fought for custody. My dad wanted me and my brother because he genuinely loved us. My mom wanted us just to spite my dad. She won, and my dad kinda lost it over the decades.

This was too far for me. I had never, EVER hit a girl before, but it happened so fast I didn't even know I did it.

Basically, I cocked my fist back, and flew it straight into her nose. I thought it would be like the movies where she would get a little trickle of blood. It wasn't. Her nose EXPLODED. I think I must of broken a bunch of cartilege or something because blood shot out of both her nostrils, got all over me, got all over the floor. She staggered backwards, hit her head hard enough on the wall to leave a dent, and slumped down.

We were both stunned for about 10 seconds before she started crying hysterically and ran into my room and locked the door. So I went to wash my hands, and while I was in the bathroom I heard her run out of the house and take off in her car. That was about 5 hours ago so I guess she didn't go the cops or anything. So later I went home and broke down in tears.. My mom came in the room and when she heard about the story she got scared and said your moving with your auntie and uncle in bel air. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and had dice in the mirror if anything i can say that this cab was rare but i thought "nah yo homes to bel air!" I pulled up to a house for about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cab yo homes smell ya later, looked at my kingdom I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of bel air

Its lucky you have family in bel air willing to take you in. Its a real nice neighborhood i hear. You need to atone for your actions. Its never ok to hit a woman.

Also there was no reason you had to disrespect that cab driver like that. He is just trying to get along in life. The economy is real tough right now, no need to be rude and point out his body odor.
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Old 10-10-2012, 09:56 PM   #6
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Default Re: I hit my girlfriend

So long sucka....

wait what? this joke isn't funny fool.

Last edited by Dictator : 10-10-2012 at 10:59 PM.
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Old 10-10-2012, 09:58 PM   #7
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Default Re: I hit my girlfriend

pics or get the **** out
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Old 10-10-2012, 10:01 PM   #8
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Default Re: I hit my girlfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by MavsSuperFan
Its lucky you have family in bel air willing to take you in. Its a real nice neighborhood i hear. You need to atone for your actions. Its never ok to hit a woman.

Also there was no reason you had to disrespect that cab driver like that. He is just trying to get along in life. The economy is real tough right now, no need to be rude and point out his body odor.
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Old 10-10-2012, 10:07 PM   #9
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Default Re: I hit my girlfriend

I was very disappointed this wasn't real. I was very much enjoying the image of a 14 year old girl yelling that shit about your dad.
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Old 10-10-2012, 10:33 PM   #10
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Default Re: I hit my girlfriend

I was actually really into the story. That caught me off guard. Nice.
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Old 10-10-2012, 10:37 PM   #11
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Default Re: I hit my girlfriend

I knew your puny ass couldn't make a woman bleed like that
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Old 10-10-2012, 10:55 PM   #12
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Default Re: I hit my girlfriend



Quote:
Originally Posted by ihoopallday
I was actually really into the story. That caught me off guard. Nice.

Me too. Even better is that I had "system voice" read the text so it flowed naturally. I had no idea it was a joke until the ending.

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Old 10-10-2012, 11:20 PM   #13
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Default Re: I hit my girlfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jameerthefear
We were having an argument and she went too far. She made a comment along the lines of "your loser father couldn't keep a relationship together and you can't either!". When I was around 11, my parents got divorced and fought for custody. My dad wanted me and my brother because he genuinely loved us. My mom wanted us just to spite my dad. She won, and my dad kinda lost it over the decades.

This was too far for me. I had never, EVER hit a girl before, but it happened so fast I didn't even know I did it.

Basically, I cocked my fist back, and flew it straight into her nose. I thought it would be like the movies where she would get a little trickle of blood. It wasn't. Her nose EXPLODED. I think I must of broken a bunch of cartilege or something because blood shot out of both her nostrils, got all over me, got all over the floor. She staggered backwards, hit her head hard enough on the wall to leave a dent, and slumped down.

We were both stunned for about 10 seconds before she started crying hysterically and ran into my room and locked the door. So I went to wash my hands, and while I was in the bathroom I heard her run out of the house and take off in her car. That was about 5 hours ago so I guess she didn't go the cops or anything. So later I went home and broke down in tears.. My mom came in the room and when she heard about the story she got scared and said your moving with your auntie and uncle in bel air. I whistled for a cab and when it came near the license plate said fresh and had dice in the mirror if anything i can say that this cab was rare but i thought "nah yo homes to bel air!" I pulled up to a house for about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cab yo homes smell ya later, looked at my kingdom I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of bel air
You lost me around there I thought it was actually real when I first read it. Good one
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Old 10-10-2012, 11:56 PM   #14
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Default Re: I hit my girlfriend

i think some people (those from other countries) would miss this joke completely.
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Old 10-10-2012, 11:58 PM   #15
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Default Re: I hit my girlfriend

before actually reading the thread, i thought "oh sh*t jameerthefear has lost it"

since he posted about potential racism against him and having trouble with geometry
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