When you're dating, they just give it up. But when you're married, they make you earn it.
Sex in marriage is like a scoreboard. If you have a winning scoreboard at the end of the night (they add up the points from the day), you get laid.
If you kiss her on her way out the door, that's 2 points. If you forget to pick up your socks, that's like a turnover.
If you forgot to compliment her on her new haircut, you just became the Lakers
Am I to assume that you've never experience angry sex?
It sucks to hear of people like yourself that only get sex as a reward or as an exchange for something. I get not doing it because of circumstance or being tired but I dont get being so rigid about it.
Also, I think when they hold out a lot it speaks of the male's sexual prowess and what he has to offer. Usually women crave sex more when they find desirable aspects in their mates. If you got the goods and know how to deliver them, you can play the same game. If your working hard to get it and if they mostly dont want it, then there have been sexual issues in your relationship from the very beginning. So if those issues arent addressed and common ground found, then youll always be asking for something that she doesnt see as a positive activity.
Patterns I've noticed from successful marriages. Some of this is stuff I've talked to many friends of mine (23, got divorced 1 month post natal so its got some value)
1) Clear-cut boundaries. Up front dude is honest and says he doesn't like to be bothered about petty drama, and that ought to be reserved for. Up front the girl says she doesn't like certain habits (i.e. smoking)
2) Bonding over progress in any way shape or form and having strong social circles and people to talk to or hang out with. Most controlling wives are insecure as all hell. Once they conquer a few fears, step outside their comfort zone they realize its okay that your husband is out and about. And they make good things last by timing it sparsely.. leaving a little bit to be desired. Scarcity = Value, and Familiarity breeds contempt. My uncles go out with their boys MINIMUM 3* week, and their wives hang out with other women 3* week. It's just like how Grandmama's Apple Pie was so deelishus, she made it small enough so that there's always a craving.
3) Two people who are INHERENTLY SELFLESS and care more about the well-being of the other than themselves. You know what they say about Love. It is charity... it is surrender.. it can not be defeated and it is contagious and begets itself.
4) IT IS ALWAYS MORE Father-Daughter, than it is Mother-Son. Meaning the guy exercises more power and he does it. Forever. I'd even say it's more important to focus about earning power and respect as the guy than it is to worry about being loved. Every stupid retarded f*cking commercial in America (no doubt influenced by higher ups who seek to destroy family, fatherhood, guns, liberty, love, truth, honor, God etc. dead serious) features an incompetent manchild dad and some kind of supermom goddess wife. :Oldlol: Yeah right. Newsflash. Guys are smarter, stronger, (usually) more skilled, cooler, funnier, wiser, more in tune with reality than girls. Their reasoning skills peak later (age 28) or so but THAT IS BECAUSE IT TAKES LONGER FOR SOMETHING BETTER TO MATURE. Sure you're in your teens and twenties and certain hotties look like they're untouchable, but picture yourself at 35 and what a boss you can become! Most husbands who get laid left and right are flat out better but they dont' brag about it. And part of being better is having a few years on your girl so don't be afraid to go 5+ or 10+ years below (serious).
5) Clear-cut division of labor that EMPHASIZES each person's strengths and minimizes their weaknesses. Two jobs needa be done.. painting the shed, sealing the home, running a few errands. Both don't use this as some kind of leverage to one-up one another. Through complimentary roles. I know a couple where the guy cooks EVERY SINGLE MEAL but he does it in a way that's dominant and cool and the woman cleans everything up spotlessly and manages the small-scale finances.
They don't think "It's me vs him" They ALWAYS think "It's us against the world," and they're building a life together and see inner turmoil as petty little nuances that need to be addressed and extinguished instead of huge situations to seize power.
6) Key here.. marry a foreign and/or religious woman or someone who is willing to eliminate sh!t influences and media. They spread 'em out of gratitude and respect for their hubbies. All about the upbringing. Most healthy girls want to please men. Only in sick nations do they think it's acceptable to view them as some ATM/sperm donor children to manage. Oh and the Bible and Qur'an are FAR MORE ACCURATE in their dealings with marriage, I suggest atheists follow suit or modify the age-old model to their liking. That or find another way to create an environment suitable to children. IDK perhaps.. a village? It takes a village to raise a child. Or a harem? Or a sisterhood?
7) Gotta keep up the libido boosting habits. That means managing stress and
Exercise, meditation, and diet play a role here and yeah those Yoga MILF's want the c0ck all day errday but hubby's working overtime to support their lifestyle and he can't get it up. LEsson: Don't be dat guy, be youthful in old age like RufusPaul!
8) Managing your life so you always think it's a fresh, new day and let's see what we can do. It ought to be an evolution.. a courtship you know. She's letting go of her slut past and is trying to become the most incredible mom wife she can, and you are shaping up to be a respected head of the household. Who says that you guys can't fall deeper and deeper in love everyday? What's stopping you from dancing in the moonlight, or from you demanding that she irons your shirts and fixes you up delicious meals with love?
9) ZERo listening to marriage counselors who cater to women.
Look guys it sounds dreadful but it don't have to be. Just take necessary steps and foresee the future. There are places in the future, and if you're feeling depressed post-divorce there are guys like me willing to spot you a few hundo bucks to get you back on track. People pay a hefty price for the continuation of their generation and I know that some of the sons and daughters you guys make are gonna be awesome, well-adjusted people!
It's something that's been practiced by Italians, Greeks, Latino, Catholics, Arabs, Albanians, Asians, Indians and other low-divorce rate having citizens for HUNDREDS of frickin years. Yet in all it's infinite wisdom people want to switch up a decent working formula for something as unnatural as marriage (scientifically speaking we're serial monogamists/polygamists) cuz a bunch of b!tches are whining about their circumstances. That's what got us in this mess.
Best of luck to you and your woman, btw. I'm thinking your creativity and your Moore sense of humor is what makes her panties wet
Biggest danger of being in a long term relationship is complacency. Be careful that you dont settle with being half way decent in things just because you know that the status quo is usually enough. Like anything, you get out of it, what you put in.
I understand stress and lethargy but sexual excitement begets sexual energy. You need to build a more positive productive perspective as to sexual intercourse. It may be the same woman but you would be surprised at how new and intriguing things can turn when you put effort into that aspect of your marriage. While self stimulation can be enough, its complacent as hell. Muster up some self respect and try to push for fulfillment rather than generic satisfaction.
If shes more than willing to self serve then its a sign that you need to step your game up. Dont allow it, tell your wife every once in a while that wont be necessary cause your about to take care of business. Then quit being a p*ssy and f*cking take care of business. You will be surprised at how new the pleasure may be, after being complacent with the status quo so often. Which by the way you speak seems to happen more than it should.
Thanks for the effort, but I wasn't looking for advice and your analysis is way off base.
So I was working from home today. I just looked down and my wedding ring is gone. I didnt' take it off and leave it anywhere. It's just gone.
And it's nowhere near my desk.
I just spent 15 minutes looking for it. It was not in bathroom which is the only place I remember going in the last few hours. I don't take it off at night and it's not in my bedroom.
Finally found it laying in the middle of the kitchen floor and I have no idea how it got there.
Holy shit that was a conversation, I did not want to have.
I went to DC to party with my cousin on his birthday, and lost my ring...
I told my wife the next morning over the phone.... "You gotta be f*ckin kiddin me Rasheed!!!" she was pyst...
The good part is that I found it before I left to come back home and I didnt even mention it to her... I figured I'll just see her when I get home and the ring will be on my finger and all the sh*t she planned on giving me would be nixed...