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Old 03-25-2013, 08:14 PM   #16
Myth
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

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Originally Posted by Draz
I wouldn't exactly put it in those terms, because doing something against what your supposed to be fighting for, is wrong. I think of it more of a selfish act, mostly men, that are selfish and act selfless. Flirting with someone doesn't happen by mistake, it happens through engaging, going through an entire process that takes action & the determined mind to start & finish.

Statistics show that men and women cheat pretty equally. Men just get caught more.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:15 PM   #17
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

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Originally Posted by Myth
Cheating means you are too much of a coward to end a relationship that you are not into. It is usually rooted in some insecurities.
That's very true but I am trying to think of a nice way to say that is kinda obvious. Any in depth info on it that you know about? correct me if i am wrong but i think is your field, right?
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:20 PM   #18
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

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Originally Posted by Myth
Statistics show that men and women cheat pretty equally. Men just get caught more.

Statistics or not, men are the one making the moves first. Men, are the ones who encounter woman and flirt first. Yes, woman do make moves, but it's the men that are stronger in scenarios to throw the "hey baby" around, whether to a girl you just got a number of, a friend you got a thing or two for, etc.

I'm not playing the bias gender thing, but the facts are there's building blocks to the moves we make.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:25 PM   #19
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

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Originally Posted by Myth
Which part is overrated?

And I'm aware that it is not the worst thing. I don't have a solid "1 time and you are gone rule," but it often ends up that way because of what is going on on a greater level with the person or the couple. My ex cheated on me and the cheating was just the cherry on top regarding the reasons I ended things. Still, even though it may not be the worst thing you can do, it is still usually rooted in insecurities and coward-ism.

How bad it is is overrated. Lots of people act like people who cheat are terrible people and they aren't. Life is just complicated.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:29 PM   #20
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

I've never cheated, but the thing I see is that, men, like me, can separate love from sex. I love my gf.. but i still want to have sex with other girls. Society makes this wrong.. but why? as soon as I finish having sex with that other girl.. I have no feelings at all for her, I just want to go back to my gf.

In that case I dont feel so morally wrong..

but if cheating means another relationship where you're invested in the other girl, you text, you go out, then yeah that's more douchebag.

my question is: is it so bad if you cheat just for sex? say you go to a hooker, pay and get it over with. your heart and feelings are still devoted to your gf.

but yea.. the easiest way is to turn it around and ask if you care if your girl does the same, and I do. so i guess it's only fair we both stick to each other
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:32 PM   #21
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

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Originally Posted by The Macho Man
How bad it is is overrated. Lots of people act like people who cheat are terrible people and they aren't. Life is just complicated.

I'm just getting into the how cheating happens, that it's more to a process than just it happening, and it being a mistake. No one deserves to have their head cut off for cheating, no one deserves to be robbed of a future for it. But, it does changes the impression of either male or female in the relationship or before getting serious with someone if they ever find out that this person has done such a thing.

The thing is, cheating naturally might happen. Depending on who you are as a person. We all admit to being human beings, we all have that urge. We're not going to act like it's just 2 individuals in the world that are living, and 1 person in the world that is beautiful, that is going to catch your attention. Because, we all happen to lay eyes on other people. Attraction and lust is the biggest factor, but trust that knowing nothing will occur is even bigger.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:35 PM   #22
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

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Originally Posted by Just2McFly
That's very true but I am trying to think of a nice way to say that is kinda obvious. Any in depth info on it that you know about? correct me if i am wrong but i think is your field, right?

It often depends on the situation. For you, going off very limited info, it sounds like you were almost trying to prove something to yourself by having 3 girls. What you were trying to prove? I don't know. But generally when you are trying to prove something to yourself or others, it means there was an insecurity of some form.

In more committed relationships, the cheating usually comes from something lacking in the relationship. It can be summarized as you putting energy outwards (another person) rather than inwards (your partner). In other words, when you don't feel as close with your partner, you seek to get fulfilled by somebody else. Even when it appears physical in nature, it is usually guided by an emotional reaction, whether conscious or subconscious. The reason I say "even when it appears physical in nature," is because most guys in our society are taught that sex equals love. So when a guy feels he is not getting what he wants physically, on some level he usually feels that he is not as close with his partner, and end up cheating (and of course says something along the lines of "It was just sex, she meant nothing to me."). All of this is again showing insecurity. This example has to do with insecurity within the relationship. In a healthy committed relationship, when this insecurity arises, the person feeling the insecurity puts that energy into the relationship either through actions or words to get things back on the right track. It is the cowards way of dealing with this by not talking to your partner and instead cheating with somebody else. And even if you are aware that the relationship is beyond repair and the cheating is to get ready to move on, then it is being a coward by not simply ending it before moving on, which is often from a perspective of not being able to confront the person or not being ready to leave the relationship until you find something else, which again shows insecurities in the self.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:36 PM   #23
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ripthekik
I've never cheated, but the thing I see is that, men, like me, can separate love from sex. I love my gf.. but i still want to have sex with other girls. Society makes this wrong.. but why? as soon as I finish having sex with that other girl.. I have no feelings at all for her, I just want to go back to my gf.

In that case I dont feel so morally wrong..

but if cheating means another relationship where you're invested in the other girl, you text, you go out, then yeah that's more douchebag.

my question is: is it so bad if you cheat just for sex? say you go to a hooker, pay and get it over with. your heart and feelings are still devoted to your gf.

but yea.. the easiest way is to turn it around and ask if you care if your girl does the same, and I do. so i guess it's only fair we both stick to each other

If men like you can separate love from sex, than there's a huge problem. You don't truly love and admire your girlfriend like you say you do. Your in fact harming her by thinking that way.

Wanting to have sex with other females isn't the problem. That's lust. We all have that, from time to time. Shit, even your girlfriend probably thinks the same, ever thought she wanted to bang your bestfriend or your neighbor, or the guy at work, or the guy on the street she just walked by? She has an imagination too, we're all people living under the same sun.

You stick together in a relationship because it's a commitment, if you're on an ongoing sexual interaction with a female and not committed, than that's fine. The moment you claim someone and they're claiming you, you thereby are obligated to stay faithful and remain under her wing.

That's the scary thing.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:37 PM   #24
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Draz
Statistics or not, men are the one making the moves first. Men, are the ones who encounter woman and flirt first. Yes, woman do make moves, but it's the men that are stronger in scenarios to throw the "hey baby" around, whether to a girl you just got a number of, a friend you got a thing or two for, etc.

I'm not playing the bias gender thing, but the facts are there's building blocks to the moves we make.

True. I was just referring to the cheating itself, not who initiates flirting.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:37 PM   #25
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Myth
It often depends on the situation. For you, going off very limited info, it sounds like you were almost trying to prove something to yourself by having 3 girls. What you were trying to prove? I don't know. But generally when you are trying to prove something to yourself or others, it means there was an insecurity of some form.

In more committed relationships, the cheating usually comes from something lacking in the relationship. It can be summarized as you putting energy outwards (another person) rather than inwards (your partner). In other words, when you don't feel as close with your partner, you seek to get fulfilled by somebody else. Even when it appears physical in nature, it is usually guided by an emotional reaction, whether conscious or subconscious. The reason I say "even when it appears physical in nature," is because most guys in our society are taught that sex equals love. So when a guy feels he is not getting what he wants physically, on some level he usually feels that he is not as close with his partner, and end up cheating (and of course says something along the lines of "It was just sex, she meant nothing to me."). All of this is again showing insecurity. This example has to do with insecurity within the relationship. In a healthy committed relationship, when this insecurity arises, the person feeling the insecurity puts that energy into the relationship either through actions or words to get things back on the right track. It is the cowards way of dealing with this by not talking to your partner and instead cheating with somebody else. And even if you are aware that the relationship is beyond repair and the cheating is to get ready to move on, then it is being a coward by not simply ending it before moving on, which is often from a perspective of not being able to confront the person or not being ready to leave the relationship until you find something else, which again shows insecurities in the self.


Great post. What is your field psychology?
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:42 PM   #26
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ripthekik
I've never cheated, but the thing I see is that, men, like me, can separate love from sex. I love my gf.. but i still want to have sex with other girls. Society makes this wrong.. but why? as soon as I finish having sex with that other girl.. I have no feelings at all for her, I just want to go back to my gf.

In that case I dont feel so morally wrong..

but if cheating means another relationship where you're invested in the other girl, you text, you go out, then yeah that's more douchebag.

my question is: is it so bad if you cheat just for sex? say you go to a hooker, pay and get it over with. your heart and feelings are still devoted to your gf.

but yea.. the easiest way is to turn it around and ask if you care if your girl does the same, and I do. so i guess it's only fair we both stick to each other

One thing that is only kind of hinted at in your last paragraph is the reaction of the other person. Even if somebody were to convince themselves it means nothing, it should mean something to you if you know your actions will hurt the person you love. In that sense, the sex may mean nothing to you, but the intentionally doing something that hurts somebody you care about should mean something to you.

If you and your partner are on the same page, then you can negotiate the idea of sex outside of the relationship. The very word of cheating has to do with breaking established rules. If it is in the rules of your relationship to have sex outside of the relationship, more power to you.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:43 PM   #27
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

Myth is the truth

I was definitely trying to prove something, plus I am an insecure guy. I felt inferior so I try to keep a harem of sorts around to boost my self esteem which blew up in my face.

I'm still not secure, but I know better.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:44 PM   #28
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

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Originally Posted by Draz
Great post. What is your field psychology?

Yeah, I'm finishing my doctorate in clinical psychology and my training has had an emphasis in relationships. I've been providing couples therapy for 5 years now.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:46 PM   #29
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

100% unacceptable. The only times I ever have violent homicide fantasies is when I think about my girl cheating on me.

I almost want it to happen to see if I would go through with it. Like, with a claw hammer.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:48 PM   #30
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

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Originally Posted by Myth
Yeah, I'm finishing my doctorate in clinical psychology and my training has had an emphasis in relationships. I've been providing couples therapy for 5 years now.

Ok. Mind helping me out? I'm actually finishing my liberal arts social sciences and humanities degree (2yr) and thinking about doing my psychology degree. I love to give advice and therapy is my thing. Do you have KIK (messenger) or anything we can talk? I'm interested in the study, I've taken courses before but wasn't in the right mind taking them. I want to make sure this is the right road to go. I can tell by the way you talk you had some psychology in you, and I am basically the same.
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