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Old 03-25-2013, 08:48 PM   #31
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

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Originally Posted by Myth
One thing that is only kind of hinted at in your last paragraph is the reaction of the other person. Even if somebody were to convince themselves it means nothing, it should mean something to you if you know your actions will hurt the person you love. In that sense, the sex may mean nothing to you, but the intentionally doing something that hurts somebody you care about should mean something to you.

If you and your partner are on the same page, then you can negotiate the idea of sex outside of the relationship. The very word of cheating has to do with breaking established rules. If it is in the rules of your relationship to have sex outside of the relationship, more power to you.
nice perspective..

so even if I say the sex means nothing but sex to me, but if I do it, it does have meaning as I did it knowing I would hurt the other person?

damn.... that's pretty deep
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:49 PM   #32
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

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Originally Posted by Draz
If men like you can separate love from sex, than there's a huge problem. You don't truly love and admire your girlfriend like you say you do. Your in fact harming her by thinking that way.


The way he described it makes it sound like he'd have no problem sleeping with somebody else, but being able to separate love from sex is actually a valuable skill in making a long term relationship last. Every relationship has dips in sexual activity, and if you combine sex and love too much in your head, then men often start feeling that they are not being loved or valued as much if they don't get sex, and they then become more likely to cheat. That separation can be key in telling yourself that she still loves you even if you haven't gotten any in a while.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:50 PM   #33
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

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Originally Posted by Just2McFly
Myth is the truth

I was definitely trying to prove something, plus I am an insecure guy. I felt inferior so I try to keep a harem of sorts around to boost my self esteem which blew up in my face.

I'm still not secure, but I know better.

He's good. Why are you insecure? Think about what makes you strong, and gain confidence through that. Everyone has that, it shows your simply human.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scoooter
100% unacceptable. The only times I ever have violent homicide fantasies is when I think about my girl cheating on me.

I almost want it to happen to see if I would go through with it. Like, with a claw hammer.

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Old 03-25-2013, 08:51 PM   #34
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Myth
The way he described it makes it sound like he'd have no problem sleeping with somebody else, but being able to separate love from sex is actually a valuable skill in making a long term relationship last. Every relationship has dips in sexual activity, and if you combine sex and love too much in your head, then men often start feeling that they are not being loved or valued as much if they don't get sex, and they then become more likely to cheat. That separation can be key in telling yourself that she still loves you even if you haven't gotten any in a while.

You're right. It is good to have separation in it. I guess I looked at it negatively or the wrong way. Perhaps that's something we should all have some type of control over then.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:52 PM   #35
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

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Originally Posted by Draz
Ok. Mind helping me out? I'm actually finishing my liberal arts social sciences and humanities degree (2yr) and thinking about doing my psychology degree. I love to give advice and therapy is my thing. Do you have KIK (messenger) or anything we can talk? I'm interested in the study, I've taken courses before but wasn't in the right mind taking them. I want to make sure this is the right road to go. I can tell by the way you talk you had some psychology in you, and I am basically the same.

I really don't have any messenger these days. I'm not even sure what KIK is. But I'm willing to flesh out a conversation, whether it is right in this thread or through PMs. Just send me a question in either setting.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:54 PM   #36
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ripthekik
nice perspective..

so even if I say the sex means nothing but sex to me, but if I do it, it does have meaning as I did it knowing I would hurt the other person?

damn.... that's pretty deep

if sex means pleasure to you, my view on this is that you don't truly love your girlfriend or have strong feelings for her, depending if your making love or not. If you're having sex to pleasure yourself, and the other person is doing the same in return for pleasure, I see nothing wrong with it. Even if she did do it and see it in you for the love and passion, you can't control your emotions when making love, I think it's either you do it through expressing such feelings towards your woman, or you fck just to please.

I've had both, and there's definitely some sort of attachment in making love. I've had sex with 4 girls in my life, I've made love to one. It changed my perspective on things.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:55 PM   #37
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Scoooter
100% unacceptable. The only times I ever have violent homicide fantasies is when I think about my girl cheating on me.

I almost want it to happen to see if I would go through with it. Like, with a claw hammer.

It was getting a little serious in here, so I was tempted to question some of this, but I think Draz got it right with this emoticon:
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:55 PM   #38
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Myth
I really don't have any messenger these days. I'm not even sure what KIK is. But I'm willing to flesh out a conversation, whether it is right in this thread or through PMs. Just send me a question in either setting.

Download KIK Messenger for Android or iOS, make a username & add me, my username is Draszo.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:56 PM   #39
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Myth
It was getting a little serious in here, so I was tempted to question some of this, but I think Draz got it right with this emoticon:

LMFAO He mad me rolling lol, it was getting a little too serious in here. I think this might be the first non-trolled thread ISH has ever faced
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:57 PM   #40
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Draz
I've had both, and there's definitely some sort of attachment in making love. I've had sex with 4 girls in my life, I've made love to one. It changed my perspective on things.

Yes it does change your perspective. It is also interesting when you have sex with somebody you don't love, but stay with them and that turns into love. You can notice the difference with the same person even, and it is a pretty fun and welcome change.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:59 PM   #41
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Draz
Download KIK Messenger for Android or iOS, make a username & add me, my username is Draszo.

Is that specific to handhelds? Because my phone is old school and doesn't do apps. Otherwise, I can download it on my computer if it works. My assumption is that it would, but I figured I'd make sure.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:59 PM   #42
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Myth
Yes it does change your perspective. It is also interesting when you have sex with somebody you don't love, but stay with them and that turns into love. You can notice the difference with the same person even, and it is a pretty fun and welcome change.

Hell yeah. When your sitting there locking eyes while making love, man. It's a good change. Then there's the "b1tch bend the fck over and take this d1ck"

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Old 03-25-2013, 09:00 PM   #43
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Myth
Is that specific to handhelds? Because my phone is old school and doesn't do apps. Otherwise, I can download it on my computer if it works. My assumption is that it would, but I figured I'd make sure.

Doubt it. You can download it for tablets or phones. It's like AOL Messenger, remember that? Except it's for mobile. Great messenger, getting really popular. If not, it's fine. We'll talk through PM's about my concern in that field. I need someone who knows what they're talking about and doing.
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Old 03-25-2013, 09:02 PM   #44
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Draz
if sex means pleasure to you, my view on this is that you don't truly love your girlfriend or have strong feelings for her, depending if your making love or not. If you're having sex to pleasure yourself, and the other person is doing the same in return for pleasure, I see nothing wrong with it. Even if she did do it and see it in you for the love and passion, you can't control your emotions when making love, I think it's either you do it through expressing such feelings towards your woman, or you fck just to please.

I've had both, and there's definitely some sort of attachment in making love. I've had sex with 4 girls in my life, I've made love to one. It changed my perspective on things.
Hm.. are you saying this is what's going on in my unconscious mind? As far as I know, and as honest, I do love her and care for her like a man in a relationship is supposed to do.

Just like men in relationships still maasturbate, that doesn't mean we feel any less for our partner do we?

Basically, just replace maasturbation here with "having 1 night stands". It's still cheating, but it's almost like maasturbation in that you only seek pleasure.. there's no change in heart or devotion. Is it still so bad if you think of it that way then?
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Old 03-25-2013, 09:02 PM   #45
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Default Re: What's your stance on cheating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Draz
Doubt it. You can download it for tablets or phones. It's like AOL Messenger, remember that? Except it's for mobile. Great messenger, getting really popular. If not, it's fine. We'll talk through PM's about my concern in that field. I need someone who knows what they're talking about and doing.

No problem. I'm going to delete some messages to make room.
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