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Old 04-16-2009, 01:50 PM   #1
BlazersDozen
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Default Relationship Help!

Ok, so my GF almost broke up with me last night. She just turned 21 in Feb but also lost her job on her bday. She has been very depressed and not happy for those three months and has really put a lot of the burden on our relaitonship. She said that she is not in the right mind state to be in a relationship right now although she does love me and I love her (we've been together for 11 months) and I'm trying to tell her that losing me won't solve anything but add onto her depression and that if we really do love eachother then we need to work throuh this little phase and make it work. (We both see a long future with eachother) but she insists she can't and insists that she isn't interested in another guy.

She also said that a lot of it has to do because she doesn't want to hurt me because we've been arguing a lot since she turned 21 and lost her job about the same thing weekly about her taking the situation out on us but still going out almost nightly and speending $50 a night but I'm the one who gets in trouble for trying to help her find a job.

Anyways, I told her to give me two weeks since I now know her full situation and I'll become more flexible with everything.

Any advice will help.
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Old 04-16-2009, 02:01 PM   #2
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Default Re: Relationship Help!

Well if she keeps on spending money she doesnt have then you need break up with her because no one is happy when they are in debt.
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Old 04-16-2009, 02:22 PM   #3
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Default Re: Relationship Help!

If she wants out... let her go. Let her work out her own bullshit without your help. You're being too nice to her. Next time she says "I just think we need to be apart for awhile" you just say "you know what baby, you're right... let's just do our own thang for a little while and after we'll see what's up" ... you don't want to put yourself in this situation being her crutch and then still in the end she leaves you for someone else. Double-ding. Fuck that... let the bird flap it's wings and if it comes back cool, if not whatever... there's always better birds to be had.
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Old 04-16-2009, 02:25 PM   #4
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Default Re: Relationship Help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Legend of Josh
If she wants out... let her go. Let her work out her own bullshit without your help. You're being too nice to her. Next time she says "I just think we need to be apart for awhile" you just say "you know what baby, you're right... let's just do our own thang for a little while and after we'll see what's up" ... you don't want to put yourself in this situation being her crutch and then still in the end she leaves you for someone else. Double-ding. Fuck that... let the bird flap it's wings and if it comes back cool, if not whatever... there's always better birds to be had.

This man is wise beyond his years.
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Old 04-16-2009, 02:28 PM   #5
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Default Re: Relationship Help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Legend of Josh
If she wants out... let her go. Let her work out her own bullshit without your help. You're being too nice to her. Next time she says "I just think we need to be apart for awhile" you just say "you know what baby, you're right... let's just do our own thang for a little while and after we'll see what's up" ... you don't want to put yourself in this situation being her crutch and then still in the end she leaves you for someone else. Double-ding. Fuck that... let the bird flap it's wings and if it comes back cool, if not whatever... there's always better birds to be had.
Agreed. She must be fine as hell to put up with this crap. She has no job, you're spending 50 a night to hang out, and she wants to dump you? **** that.
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Old 04-16-2009, 02:29 PM   #6
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Default Re: Relationship Help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix18
Well if she keeps on spending money she doesnt have then you need break up with her because no one is happy when they are in debt.
this and LOJ both make good points. Now, it may not be the best for her emotional health (sounds like she may have become a little self-destructive), but if she thinks she needs to date some other guy she's probably already ****ing, you should let her do it. do you live together? also, if she is really spending 350 a week on frivolous **** like clubbing, you need to set that straight or drop her bad habit.
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Old 04-16-2009, 02:30 PM   #7
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Default Re: Relationship Help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Legend of Josh
If she wants out... let her go. Let her work out her own bullshit without your help. You're being too nice to her. Next time she says "I just think we need to be apart for awhile" you just say "you know what baby, you're right... let's just do our own thang for a little while and after we'll see what's up" ... you don't want to put yourself in this situation being her crutch and then still in the end she leaves you for someone else. Double-ding. Fuck that... let the bird flap it's wings and if it comes back cool, if not whatever... there's always better birds to be had.

I 2nd this, 11 months really isnt that long of a relationship even though it is more then enough time to grow fond of one another. Also 21 is still very young, go your seperate ways and if both of you want to rekindle things then so be it.

P.S This might sound harsh but if losing your job can get you that depressed then you haven't felt real pain.
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Old 04-16-2009, 02:30 PM   #8
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Default Re: Relationship Help!

Not wise, just common sense. She's beating around the bush. She's expecting you to say no and all this crahpe. Like LOJ says, let her go. There's plenty of fish in the sea.

But seriously, I meant humans, don't try to date a fish.
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Old 04-16-2009, 02:33 PM   #9
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Default Re: Relationship Help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by step_back
I 2nd this, 11 months really isnt that long of a relationship even though it is more then enough time to grow fond of one another. Also 21 is still very young, go your seperate ways and if both of you want to rekindle things then so be it.

P.S This might sound harsh but if losing your job can get you that depressed then you haven't felt real pain.
QFT like some of my old friends would say,"Dis ***** must be crazy"
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Old 04-16-2009, 02:34 PM   #10
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Default Re: Relationship Help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Legend of Josh
If she wants out... let her go. Let her work out her own bullshit without your help. You're being too nice to her. Next time she says "I just think we need to be apart for awhile" you just say "you know what baby, you're right... let's just do our own thang for a little while and after we'll see what's up" ... you don't want to put yourself in this situation being her crutch and then still in the end she leaves you for someone else. Double-ding. Fuck that... let the bird flap it's wings and if it comes back cool, if not whatever... there's always better birds to be had.

^^ Wisdom.

What she's going through is completely normal for women her age. They go through a phase where nothing is good enough for them and they wanna be "free".

Well if she still misses you once she feels free, then you're bound to get back together. But if not, then you just fast forwarded to the inevitable. Better this happens now than years down the road.

You're a young guy and you will survive. Older, better and wiser.
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Old 04-16-2009, 02:34 PM   #11
Meticode
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Default Re: Relationship Help!

Give another talk with her and see if she still wants to breakup or not. If she wants to breakup, then breakup without fighting, or arguing or anything. Most relationships where at least one party brings up breaking up usuall leads to the relationship not working because at least one party doesn't want to fully try or commit 100%.

If you don't have two people who want to deal with the problems, put in 100% they're either going to breakup or at least one of them is going to be unhappy, therefore making the other person unhappy.

Good luck.
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Old 04-16-2009, 02:35 PM   #12
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Default Re: Relationship Help!

Give her the space. When she realizes she's more miserable without you, she'll come back professing her mistakes.
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Old 04-16-2009, 02:36 PM   #13
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Default Re: Relationship Help!

Meticode, how's you're little one doing?
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Old 04-16-2009, 02:43 PM   #14
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Default Re: Relationship Help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by rufuspaul
Meticode, how's you're little one doing?

She just turned two months old today. She's doing awesome. We're starting to get goos and gaas out of her and regular legitimate smiles. Her sleeping habits are five times better than they were two or three weeks ago. She'll usually wake up only two or three times between 10PM and 10AM, which is awesome considering we couldn't even get her to lay down until 7AM in the morning because she had her hours switched backwards some how between day and night. So she was sleeping during the day, but wide awake at night.

Here's a couple of pictures of her from Easter Sunday...



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Old 04-16-2009, 02:45 PM   #15
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Default Re: Relationship Help!

Meticode- repped, because your baby is adorable.
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