Lately I have developed a strategy that I am really excited about for my own personal happiness/success: Spend as much time as I need giving myself full attention (roughly 4-5 hours a day... maybe more) through doing things I really enjoy, and then giving the vast majority of my remaining attention to others... be it animals, people, situations, etc. By doing this, I don't really need attention from anyone... and a lot of people seem to want my attention so I am able to give it. My friend brought up a good point tonight though: Is that simply a defense mechanism for not feeling like I can get the attention you want from others? On one hand I feel like I don't really care... I don't need anybody else and the world is already full of attention whores as it is. On the other, I feel like it is just my ego's way of preserving itself... A strategy to not feel the pain of not getting enough attention. In your opinion, is this an example of conscious awareness? or healthy form of denial/repression? Or both? Maybe you can equate it to a similar feeling you have gone through (such as convincing yourself over time someone is bad for you even though they give you a lot of stimulation.)
My advice is simply find a balance that involves time for yourself and time for people you care about. If you do this, you don't need to seek attention, but it will come to you and you can simply embrace and accept it without needing to question it.
it sounds like a pretty healthy response on your part. we all have to make these kinds of balancings to stay sane and functional IMO.
i see us as tribal creatures living in an unnatural environment, so it's normal to need human interaction and overt or indirect attention from others. attention-seeking is there for various reasons, some of which were extremely important to our group survival in the past.
but since we're mostly not living in a tribal scenerio anymore, i think we also have a healthy urge to get away from strangers to some extent. spending time with natural enemies (strangers) is a skill that can be built over the course of one's life, but the instinct runs so very deep that i doubt it ever really goes away.
You are experiencing a phase of "alpha-awareness." The zone where you just don't give a flying f*ck about the outside world and have full confidence within yourself.
Truth of the matter is, nobody should define who you are as a person. Whether it is through your parents, friends, teachers, or anybody else, everybody is constantly trying to tell you WHO YOU SHOULD BE, especially on ISH.
If you do something they disapprove of, they will criticize you; if you speak your mind, they will tell you are wrong and you should listen to what everybody else is thinking; if you don't follow their advice, they will beat it in your head you are a failure in life.
But the truth is, the only person you should give a f*ck about is yourself. You have complete access to your mind and feeling, so you are in the best position to dictate what you want out of life.
This is not a selfish way of looking at things, but a universal truth: how else can you be unselfish and care for others if you are not confident within yourself?
If you understand this concept, you are on your way to being a true alpha; get rid of those last 4 green bars and join the dark side. Why would you want to fake it to please others when you should be pleasing yourself?
Last edited by IamRAMBO24 : 11-22-2013 at 06:52 AM.
just concentrate on loving yourself and the universe will love you back. not the sort of selfish, narcisstic love ofc. but the sort of love that fixes yourself. be healthy, be clean looking, find a job you love, do things you love, remove negative thoughts from your life.
suddenly, the universe starts loving you back. women look at you and are attracted to you because you exude confidence. you are happy because you are doing the things you love and are not stuck in a crappy job you hate.
love yourself and the universe will love you back.