11. Once the dust had settled, how did you make provisions with the Bush administration to ensure the investigation into the collapse of the twin towers would be an under-funded farce?
Over $65 million was spent investigating Bill Clinton's sexual indiscretions, but the entire 9/11 Commission only spent $15 million. How did you manage to pull this off? And why? Was your reason in any way connected to your desire to have all the WTC steel - vital crime scene evidence of your dastardly crime - shipped to smelting plants in China, Korea and India as quickly as possible before experts could analyze the steel for signs of explosives?
If so, while you were at it, why didn't you also hush-up the editors of the respected Fire Engineering magazine who later called the WTC investigation a "half-baked farce"?
12. Why didn't you know the identities of your own "hand-picked" hijackers?
How is it that 7 of your crack kamikaze team are alive and well in the Middle East? We're told that your guys were highly trained experts, with knowledge of how to steal identities and forge fake IDs. If so, how come these men were incapable of correctly filling in US visa applications?
We also know that they spent the night before the attack getting drunk in bars, making noise, lapping up lap dances, screaming insults at the "infidels", and doing everything they could to attract attention to themselves. (Shame on you as a good Muslim for picking un-Islamic scum like these guys for your holy mission against "Satan".) They used credit cards issued in their stolen names, allowed their driver's licenses with the stolen names to be photocopied, and used public library computers to send emails back and forth using their stolen names signed to unencrypted messages about their plans to steal aircraft and crash them into buildings, then decorated their apartments with absurdly obvious props such as a crop dusting manual to the point where the whole affair reads like a low budget "B" detective movie from the 1930s.
In short, these men did everything they could to make sure everyone knew who they were and what it was they were up to. How could you have been this stupid, and yet managed to outsmart NORAD and the USAF?
13. Finally, how did you manage to get these guys aboard their respective aircraft?
Were they hideaways aboard airport 'honeywagons' who then crawled up the crap hoses into the aircraft toilets?
Look, none of your guys had an airline reservation; not one of them had a ticket; not one presented his ID to airline counter staff; not one was assigned a seat; not one was issued a boarding pass - but they all managed to board their airplanes!
Not one of their names appeared on a single flight manifest!
Khalid, just a few more questions, please, maestro:
You also must have had a team of insiders working for you at the Pentagon?
How else could you have turned off the more than 100 externally-facing CCTV surveillance cameras on the morning of your attack?
I mean it's obvious. Look, your ace Hani Hanjour (who couldn't solo a Cessna 172) expertly flies his 200,000-lb Boeing into the side of the Pentagon, and not one of the phalanx of cameras surrounding "the world's most protected building" captures one solitary frame of this amazing feat?
Who turned them off?
Khalid, you're a true master...
Oh, and the SAM (Surface-to-Air Missile) batteries that ringed the Pentagon...
These missiles, armed and active 24/7, are programmed to automatically fire on any approaching aircraft whose transponder does not execute an instantaneous IFF (Identification, Friend or Foe) handshake.
Khalid, you crafty ol' bugger, how on earth did you manage to deactivate all these SAMs so they wouldn't prematurely blast ol' Hani into the waiting arms of his hundred virgins?
Finally (this time I mean it)... I'm losing sleep trying to figure out the type of material you used to manufacture the passports carried by your team.
I mean this stuff's clearly beyond the pale of garden variety Kevlar.
And the utter indestructibility of this magical stuff is hardly a secret -- the whole world knows your man Atta's passport tore through layers of his clothing, ripped through the aluminum fuselage of his Boeing, sailed through a hellish fireball, blasted its way through untold feet of concrete and steel and...
Gently floated down to the street below.
I bet these super-passports also had embedded active RF homing chips that enabled FBI agents to find them quickly even while they were buried under several feet of dust and debris.
To just think...
A million cubic feet of concrete -- pulverized into a pyroclastic dust cloud... untold tons of steel -- transformed into 'rivers of molten metal'... Yet, Atta's passport not only makes it through all this, it falls at the feet of an FBI agent?
No, what a guy.
Khalid...you the man!
PPS: I won't bother you with questions about the Anthrax thing...about how you managed to penetrate hyper-protected US military laboratories in order to get your wily hands on that stuff...
Incidentally, sorry about the torture. Really, I mean it. I'm embarrassed, as an American and a human being.
Khalid, ol' man, you truly are a master evildoer, a furtive genius whose shenanigans make 007 look like a kindergartener.
I salute you.
You have to be dumb as spit to believe Muslims pulled this off without US Govt being apart of it.