Rumor has it that former NBA commissioner and the world's biggest Lakers fan, David Stern, is coming out of retirement to rig the draft lottery in favor of the Lakers.
As commissioner of the NBA for almost 30 years, Stern made it one of his primary responsibilities to rig things in favor of his beloved Lakers. Stern is the architect of bogus Lakers championships in 1988, 2002, and 2010. In particular, the screwjob of Sacramento Kings in 2002 is widely considered Stern's magnum opus; Stern did everything short of literally throwing a kitchen sink at the Kings players to assure that the Lakers advanced.
Stern also made many other moves over the years to assure Lakers success. A few more of Stern's pro-Lakers moves:
- Using his contacts in Hollywood to help lure Shaquille O'Neal to LA in 1996; he knew that was the carrot on the stick in Shaq's case
- Strong arming the Hornets to trade Kobe Bryant to the Lakers after the draft that same year. Supposedly, Stern made the Hornets an "offer they couldn't refuse"
- Forcing the Grizzlies to trade their best player, Pau Gasol, to the Lakers in 2008 in exchange for a bag of shit
In 2011, Stern attempted another massive swindle, trading Chris Paul from the Hornets to the Lakers in exchange for 3 rubber bands and some tic-tacs. Finally, the other league owners, led by Dan Gilbert of the Cavs, threw up their hands and said enough is enough, and successfully blocked the trade. Frustrated at being cockblocked, Stern was also befuddled. Those close to the commissioner claim that he could not comprehend why the league owners weren't as pro-Lakers as he was. Wasn't helping the Lakers the whole point? With that, Stern started mulling retirement.
Stern did officially announce his retirement after Kobe Bryant suffered his potentially career-ending injury. With Kobe out, Stern realized that the Lakers would face a long rebuild, and that it would be a long time before he would be able to rig any more Lakers titles, and it broke his heart.
Now Stern wants to help move that rebuild along by giving the Lakers the #1 pick in the 2017 draft.
So dont worry Lakers fans, you'll keep your pick. Its been arranged. Hopefully your team does the right thing and drafts Ball so the Celtics can draft Fultz or Jackson.
I'll be bumping this thread after the Lakers win the lottery.
Disclaimer: In case you cant tell, this is a joke thread