He to sue Bonds for selling Steroids to nuns
You may have seen my blog post from a few weeks ago, where South Carolina inmate Jonathan Lee Riches filed suit against Michael Vick for $63,000,000,000. Mr. Riches has struck again, naming Barry Bonds, Bud Selig, and Hank Aaron’s bat (yes, the actual stick of wood) as defendants.
Again, Mr. Riches wrote in his finest handwriting. Selected allegations include bat assault, illegal moonshine, stalking, false information, and treason (which he wrote twice). Riches also identifies himself as The White Suge Knight. This time he set his bar much lower, demanding only $42,000,000.00 to be paid in Swiss Francs by certified money order, and delivered to the B.O.P lockbox in Des Moines, Iowa.
Among the claims:
-Bud Selig has secretly been giving Barry Bonds steroids for 4 years, in a conspiracy to boost television ratings. Under the supervision of Sammy Sosa, they met at a Steak N Shake just off I-70.
-Barry Bonds used Aaron’s corked bat to hide his HGH. Bonds administers the supplement while he’s on deck.
-On June 22, 2004 Bonds benched pressed Riches to show off. Riches later saw Bonds selling steroids to nuns.
-Bonds used Aaron’s bat to crack the Liberty Bell.
-Bonds gave mustard gas to Saddam Hussein as part of the Oil for Food Scandal.