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Old 12-08-2007, 02:33 PM   #16
artificial
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Default Re: Is it possible to stay friends with an ex?

Is it possible? Yes, of course. Out of the people I know, 1 person has maintained a decent friendship with a serious ex.

Is it likely? Is it easy? NO. The rest of my friends and myself confirm that. You even said it yourself, that's too much for me to handle. It's like that one person just exists to confirm the exception in the rule, but in general terms, NO.

You can't be too close minded on that. But if you aren't having a nice time with her and she is just a friend, why endure such an uncomfortable relationship?
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Old 12-08-2007, 02:37 PM   #17
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Default Re: Is it possible to stay friends with an ex?

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Originally Posted by B-Low
Bingo. Honestly if you were REALLY in love with the person I don't think its likely to stay friends with them on a consitent basis because it's just too hard. To see them every day and know they're not yours anymore, to hold a conversation without "baby/i love you" etc, and ultimately to see them with a new boyfriend/girlfriend just makes it too hard to have a normal friendship. Me and my ex broke up on good terms and we honestly tried to keep in touch but it just got too hard to talk without even crying.


Good stuff man.........

Me and her weren't in love or anything like that (only dated for 3 weeks), but the rest of your post speaks volumes to me, and what I'm going through. No more goodnight kisses or anything like that. No more deep conversations, cuddling up in front of a movie, etc. It was a really impersonal experience, like I'm now just one of her drinking pals whom she can just "shoot the sh!t" with.

I know that 3 weeks doesn't sound like a long time to get too attached to someone, but we would have some really deep, long conversations and honestly, she felt like one of those people whom I had known my whole life or something.
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Old 12-08-2007, 02:46 PM   #18
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Default Re: Is it possible to stay friends with an ex?

It is possible....I have with 2 of my exs....one of a year and a half and one of about 3 months...Hearing them with other guys is awkward but you get over it...
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Old 12-08-2007, 03:01 PM   #19
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Default Re: Is it possible to stay friends with an ex?

yea what b-low said. me and my girlfriend broke up a couple months ago and its been an insane roller coaster since then. everything will be cool for like a week then something happens and it just goes down hill. still trying to make it work for some reason. we tried not talking for a week, and then not talking on back to back days and i guess its working a little better now. im seeing her tonight so we'll see how that goes. but since you only dated your ex for 3 weeks then im guessing it would be a little bit easier to try and mantain something i guess it depends on what it is youre trying to mantain..

ps: which band was it?
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Old 12-08-2007, 03:02 PM   #20
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Default Re: Is it possible to stay friends with an ex?

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Originally Posted by YAWN
yea what b-low said. me and my girlfriend broke up a couple months ago and its been an insane roller coaster since then. everything will be cool for like a week then something happens and it just goes down hill. still trying to make it work for some reason. we tried not talking for a week, and then not talking on back to back days and i guess its working a little better now. im seeing her tonight so we'll see how that goes. but since you only dated your ex for 3 weeks then im guessing it would be a little bit easier to try and mantain something i guess it depends on what it is youre trying to mantain..

ps: which band was it?

BTW, don't let it slip, thats how babies are born
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Old 12-08-2007, 03:11 PM   #21
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Default Re: Is it possible to stay friends with an ex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by YAWN
yea what b-low said. me and my girlfriend broke up a couple months ago and its been an insane roller coaster since then. everything will be cool for like a week then something happens and it just goes down hill. still trying to make it work for some reason. we tried not talking for a week, and then not talking on back to back days and i guess its working a little better now. im seeing her tonight so we'll see how that goes. but since you only dated your ex for 3 weeks then im guessing it would be a little bit easier to try and mantain something i guess it depends on what it is youre trying to mantain..

ps: which band was it?

It's just a local band, noone famous.........

I'm not sure what it is I'm trying to maintain. I'm very new to this city, and she has lots of friends/knows lots of people, so I figure that maybe I can meet some people through her somehow. I just wish that we had never dated in the first place, because to go from friends-dating-BACK to friends seems to be a difficult transition.
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Old 12-08-2007, 03:29 PM   #22
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Default Re: Is it possible to stay friends with an ex?

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Originally Posted by mlh1981
Do you guys think that it's possible to stay friends with an ex? Until last night, I had never attempted to do so. Me and the girl I was dating broke up on Tuesday. She claimed that she was too "emotionally damaged" from a prior relationship and needed time to address her "issues" before stepping back into the dating world. She said that none of this had anything to do with me, that I was a nice guy, blah, bla, etc....... (another story for another thread maybe)

Anyway, we hadn't talked much since then. I was pretty upset about the whole thing. She said that she wanted to remain friends, but I kinda rolled my eyes internally, because EVERYONE says that. Well last night, she called me up and asked if I wanted to hang out. We went out and got a few drinks, and I swear, the whole time, I felt like I was being punched in the face. It was NOT a good time. She was perfectly nice and everything, but to pretend as if nothing ever happened between us, and to completely scale back from the whole relationship thing to just being friends? Too much for me to handle. The whole night, for me personally, was a complete disaster. She invited me to see a band tonight (whom she is a manager for on the side), and was going into great detail describing the "cute outfit" that she was gonna wear. Some girl in the bar was wearing these absolutely tacky boots and I pointed them out. She reinterated her love of heels/leather boots, as opposed to the pomeranian dogs it looked like this other chic had on her feet. I have a heels/leather boot fetish (not for me personally *lol*), and she knew this, so why did she keep bringing it up, since we were now "friends?"

Finally, I wake up this morning, check out my myspace, and see she posted a "sex survey." She knew I would probably notice that

Anyway, enough about that...........has anyone on ISH attempted to maintain a friendship with an ex and, if so, did it work?


Possible? Yes.

Likely? Probably not.


Let's be honest. When you break up with a girl, odds are you weren't on good terms. Why would you want to remain friends with someone that cheated on you, or was an overall piece of ****?
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Old 12-08-2007, 03:33 PM   #23
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Default Re: Is it possible to stay friends with an ex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by White Chocolate
Possible? Yes.

Likely? Probably not.


Let's be honest. When you break up with a girl, odds are you weren't on good terms. Why would you want to remain friends with someone that cheated on you, or was an overall piece of ****?

We didn't really end on bad terms

It was kinda her saying essentially "look, I'm really sorry. Due to x, y, and z happening in the recent past, I'm not ready to date ANYONE right now. I need to sort out my issues and until then, I can't give you 100 percent." Essentially, that's what happened, so didn't really get screwed over or anything like that.
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Old 12-08-2007, 04:10 PM   #24
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Default Re: Is it possible to stay friends with an ex?

mlh - I know how you can somewhat fix your situation. It would entail you being a prick however.

She's being a tease, that's obvious. Woman like the feeling of knowing they can have a man at the snap of a finger, and that would explain her teasing you last night... knowing it would give you mixed signals and whatnot. She's expecting you to think deeply about all this and be confused. It makes her feel empowered.

You have two options to "fix" your issue.

A) - just don't give a sh*t about this girl... and let her be all together. That means no more looking at myspace... waiting for her to call, etc.

or... (my recommendation!)

B) - get even. How can we do this you ask? Simple, be a complete jackass to her, but don't do it enough to where it's obvious you're trying to play the "tough guy" who doesn't give a crap.

You have to be patient, but know exactly when to make your moves. For example, play cool like you're friends, but reject her offers more than you accept them. That would put you more in control of things. The more you reject her casual "hang out" invitations, the more and more she'll ask you. Women love a man who is too busy to show them attention.

Just act like she's not important to you... she'll like you again.

Trust me. Then, fu*k her brains out... then tell her the next day you "want to be friends" ...

_____

That's my $0.02.
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Old 12-08-2007, 05:01 PM   #25
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Default Re: Is it possible to stay friends with an ex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Legend of Josh
mlh - I know how you can somewhat fix your situation. It would entail you being a prick however.

She's being a tease, that's obvious. Woman like the feeling of knowing they can have a man at the snap of a finger, and that would explain her teasing you last night... knowing it would give you mixed signals and whatnot. She's expecting you to think deeply about all this and be confused. It makes her feel empowered.

You have two options to "fix" your issue.

A) - just don't give a sh*t about this girl... and let her be all together. That means no more looking at myspace... waiting for her to call, etc.

or... (my recommendation!)

B) - get even. How can we do this you ask? Simple, be a complete jackass to her, but don't do it enough to where it's obvious you're trying to play the "tough guy" who doesn't give a crap.

You have to be patient, but know exactly when to make your moves. For example, play cool like you're friends, but reject her offers more than you accept them. That would put you more in control of things. The more you reject her casual "hang out" invitations, the more and more she'll ask you. Women love a man who is too busy to show them attention.

Just act like she's not important to you... she'll like you again.

Trust me. Then, fu*k her brains out... then tell her the next day you "want to be friends" ...

_____

That's my $0.02.

I actually like this bit of advice (btw, unusual to see you on here on a Saturday. I'm weird and notice this kind of stuff )

Problem is, I can be a painfully nice guy sometimes (quick, name one nasty comment I have ever made to another poster on here?). The kind that holds doors open for girls, makes eye contact, and acts interested in what they have to say and develop follow-up questions as a result of what they told me. I guess these things aren't really a PROBLEM, but I think it makes me susceptible to people who like to play mind games. I take everything at face value and am probably a bit nieve for someone of my age. I still tend to think that people have good intentions and are telling me the truth 100 percent of the time.

I have exposed my biggest weakness to her, and that is she KNOWS that I don't know many people here yet (naturally, b/c I just moved here). I'll just have to play a little bit "harder to get" and act as if I have other things going on.
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