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Old 06-06-2008, 06:34 PM   #1
insidehoops
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Default Mavericks To Incorporate Machetes Into Hack-A-Shaq Defense

This is from 2006, but one of my favorite articles ever:

In what the Dallas Mavericks hope will be an effective variation on the "Hack-A-Shaq" defense, the traditional method of stopping Shaquille O'Neal by committing repeated hard fouls against the Miami Heat's dominant 7'1", 325-pound center, the Mavericks will equip their players with custom-made, razor-sharp machetes for this year's NBA Finals.

"I'm tired of everyone saying that Shaquille is unstoppable, that he's the most dominant player in the game, that he can just impose his will on any type of defense, and that he thrives on contact," Dallas coach Avery Johnson said, brandishing his own machete as he addressed his players before their first pre-finals practice. "Let's see how much he thrives when he comes in contact with one of these!"

The players then raised their machetes and stormed the practice court, maniacally hacking and slashing the practice-squad players while chanting "Defense!"

"I thought, 'Great! Avery is finally thinking outside the box!'" Cuban said. "And since then, machetes have been the only things on my mind. Thinking about machetes has taken up every second of every day. Machetes! Machetes, man."

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/49358
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Old 06-06-2008, 06:38 PM   #2
waishing
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Default Re: Mavericks To Incorporate Machetes Into Hack-A-Shaq Defense

I remember reading this in the school library and looking like a maniac trying to contain my laughter.

"Dirk Nowitzki has said that, by Game 6, the most dominant player in the world should be reduced to nothing more than "300 pounds of hamburger in a Miami Heat jersey." And Mavericks third-string center and O'Neal practice stand-in Erick Dampier came out of his morphine-induced coma long enough to assure everyone that the defense works."

"Riley hinted that he was working on a new "Berserk-A-Dirk" defense and, while not offering specifics, hinted that the strategy involved unleashing a rabid, meth-crazed Gary Payton on the Mavericks' star player"

Last edited by waishing : 06-06-2008 at 06:44 PM.
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Old 06-06-2008, 10:16 PM   #3
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Default Re: Mavericks To Incorporate Machetes Into Hack-A-Shaq Defense

Lol.
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