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Old 03-03-2008, 03:36 AM   #1
Serious playground baller
LakerDynasty00's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Land of 14 NBA Championships
Posts: 472
Default Just for laughs (hopefully)...

I've created this with the help of the DSM-IV for my fellow Laker fans here on ISH so that you will recognize when you are being confronted with a pathological Kobe Hater on the boards. This should allow you to waste less time talking to them and more time feeling bad for them (possibly even suggest that they see a mental health professional). Enjoy and post carefully.

Major Kobe Hating Disorder
Diagnosis Criteria:

A. Hating on Kobe for most of the day, for more days than not, as indicated either by subjective account or observation by others, for at least 2 years. Note: In children and adolescents, Kobe hating can be irritable and duration must be at least 1 year.

B. Presence, while Kobe hating, of two (or more) of the following:
1. poor appetite or overeating
2. insomnia or hypersomnia
3. low energy or fatigue
4. low self-esteem
5. poor concentration or difficulty making decisions
6. feelings of hopelessness
7. spending 5+ hours per day on ISH posting about Kobe Bryant
8. watching all Laker games just so you can talk crap about Kobe Bryant
9. obsessively mentioning how much better MJ was whenever Kobe gets credit
10. loss of all interest in basketball when Kobe's not involved

C. During the 2-year period (1 year for children or adolescents) of the disturbance, the person has never been without the symptoms in Criteria A and B for more than 2 months at a time.

D. No Major Kobe Hating Episode (see Criteria for Major Depressive Episode) has been present during the first 2 years of the disturbance (1 year for children and adolescents); i.e., the disturbance is not better accounted for by chronic Kobe Hating Disorder, or Major Kobe Hating Disorder, In Partial Remission.

E. There has never been a Kobe Hating Manic Episode (see Criteria for Manic Episode), a Kobe Hating Mixed Episode (see Criteria for Mixed Episode), or a Kobe Hating Hypomanic Episode (see Criteria for Hypomanic Episode), and criteria have never been met for Laker Hating Disorder. Symptoms of these Episodes can include: feeling so happy during/after a Kobe Hating Event you become convinced you are invincible, are much more successful than you really are, and have general feelings of grandiosity; all which might lead to poor decision making with money and relationships. Kobe Hating Manic Episodes also tend to give Haters feelings of intense euphoria and no desire for sleep.

F. The disturbance does not occur exclusively during the course of a chronic Kobe Hating Psychotic Disorder, such as Kobephrenia or Kobe Hating Delusional Disorder. These disorders are likely to include symptoms such as: having nightmares about Kobe scoring game-winning shots against your favorite team, seeing Kobe's face in random inanimate objects, and hearing a voice that sounds like Kobe telling you to kill yourself.

G. The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., Kobethyroidism).

H. The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

Last edited by LakerDynasty00 : 03-03-2008 at 03:42 AM.
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