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Old 01-02-2007, 07:55 PM   #1
dak121
College superstar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,384
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Default Matt Millen's guide to job security

1) Be a decent defensive lineman from a well known football factory from the midwest. Win some Super Bowls with multiple teams. Be good for some quotes that show up every now and then on those old NFL highlight films that run on ESPN Classic every January.

2) Get a comfy game analyst job with a network. Make the occasional solid point mixed in with a variety of corny one-liners, lame pop cultural references, and dumb jock stories that the 'average Joe' can relate to while sitting on their couch drinking a beer.

3) Dupe an idiot that inherited an automobile empire into hiring him as the GM of the local pro football operation, a multi-million dollar franchise with a large, rabid fanbase of people that actually cares about the (always mediocre) team.

4) Proceed to have an overall record of 24-72 after 6 years on the job. Which averages out to 4-12 per, which is only 25%. That's a ****ty ass record.

5) Irregardless of the countless number of embarassments, ranging from calling one of his players a homosexual slur, to drafting a WR in the 1st round for 3 straight years, to having 5 different coaches in 6 years on the job, to having an entire fanbases hatred, to being the laughingstock of the league and all of sport...

And still have great job security. I salute you Matt Millen. You are truly one of a kind. Not even Isiah can match your many accomplishments.

And coming from a rival team's fan, I hope you stay in Detroit forever.

2006: 3-13
2005: 5-11
2004: 6-10
2003: 5-11
2002: 3-13
2001: 2-14
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