Re: Struggling with Depression
Fear is relative to the ends you project. You're afraid. You're anxious. You lack stability. You probably feel hopeless. There is no sense of fairness or justice in life. It's natural to feel that there are little to no options available.
That's why you need to find a different end to your means of living. You need a goal to offset the ends that you have projected for yourself.
Essentially, it boils down to communicating w/ the world. Are you able to communicate effectively? Does your system work? If not, you need to rebuild from scratch.
What do I mean by that? Well, you have a computer, access to films/tv/games/etc, and money to fund your recent weight gain. You have too many options and too much input from the world with little to no output back. As a result, you're overburdened by your options/choices rather than free from them.
I'd say that you need to pull a Batman Begins and just disappear for a little while. Dedicate yourself to becoming the Batman....or in other words, a symbol that you believe in. So you say you like helping people. Well, randomly leave lunch bags for the homeless w/ a logo you designed (or w/ a group you joined up with's logo). Donate $500 with your logo next to it to your favorite charity/investment. Start running and lifting weights. Then, work your way up. Let people know that they don't have to suffer like you're suffering.
People will always find hope in symbols. Pretty soon your actions become your end and you're not as worried about how you go out but as how you're living. Then, you'll start feeling less anxious and more content with living. Then, life will start feeling awkward. Then, you don't have to worry about forcing your way into a relationship. You'll be much more stable.