I have a situation. I've been dating this girl for 7 years. I really think I want to marry her and I told her so. Well now she is getting a bit too comfortable in the relationship.
The other night, we were getting it on, and the bed f*cking broke. The next morning, through a bit of digging, I found out she weighs over 200 pounds now. Keep in mind, she was a sexy 140 when we dated.
So how exactly do I tell her to lose weight. That was like a $400 bed set and I can't afford buying new beds. That's as bad as the time when I bought the first set of Xbox 360s and they would only last for a couple of months.
How do you tell a girl to lose weight without offending her. She knows she's fat, I know she's fat, all her friends know she's fat, heck, even her dead auntie is visiting her in her dreams telling her she's fat, but it's just a topic of conversation I just can't bring up directly.
I still love her, but damn, she needs to lose a few pounds because that love is going to dwindle when another expensive bed set is broken. Sorry if I sound superficial, but this is a serious problem in our relationship.
1. Sorry man didn't mean to get you angry but I don't think I'm full of myself at all. She wanted this very bad and all I'm doing was help her achieve this. At this point we pretty much are gf and bf with out the title and facebook status updates. She trusts me and I trust her and we are committed to each other, it's just we aren't "Official".. I believe gf and bf are just labels and titles anyways.. no big deal to me and she knows this. But it is a big deal to her. Anyways we've been working out great and we are both happy and that's all that matters isn't it?
2. Yeah ten year gap but she is very mature for her age altho she does have her 22 yr old moments but I just look at it as cute. FYI she is turning 23 next month so technically it's 9 years if that helps.
3. Well I want what ever she wants for herself. Her parents are both rn's, so she is very familiar with the dr's/hospital lifestyles. Med school, residency's, and tuition costs will have her starting her career between approx. the ages of 32-34 in serious debt. which also means she will have to work and go to school for the next 10 yrs to support herself during that time. As opposed to pharmacy school in which she works at currently CVS, she's already a lead tech. She'll finish pharmacy school when she's 24-26 with CVS potentially giving her a full ride scholarship or at bare minimum school grants if she signs a contract to work for them after she graduates. After she told me all this, I was like yeah stay with pharmacy. I don't think I messed this girls life.. I sincerely believe I'm making it better, easier, and less stressful. I feel like we compliment each other great.
OP, I just read your last message. And from what I read, it's going to be extremely difficult to nearly impossible. First, she has to want to get rid of the weight first and foremost. IF she doesn't have the will and desire to lose it, it will never happen and you should except this and her since you love her. A smoker will not quit smoking unless he absolutely wants to quit. Same thing with her. In order to fix a problem you need to recognize it first. She has to know she's over weight. And it seems your scared to break the news or don't know how to tactfully say it with out hurting her feelings. But like i mention earlier you have to be blunt and honest. Sit her down and be like we both need to live a healthier life style, and make up a story about some guy at work who had a heart attack and he was only 29, found out he has serious diabetes and he wasn't even fat. Scare the crap out of her, see if that works.
Also one thing I didn't mention that was also vital to her weight loss was we both eased up on the alcohol. I'm not that much of a drinker to begin with and she completely quit even tho she worked at a nightclub doing cocktail waitressing. So yeah ease up on the drinking, that's HUGE for weight loss FYI.
op's story is one thing, but your sh*t is messed up. You are totally playing a girl 10 years your junior and acting like you are such a good guy for it. I hope you are just delusional. It's one thing to have the age difference, but to lead this poor stupid girl on by promising you are gonna make it facebook official if she loses enough weight?
I don't know what's worse: you, or the dumb b*tch herself for being too dumb to realize what every single person who read your post does.
I started a thread with a similar issue except.. I dunno what happened to the thread, i put it up in the fall..
Anyways to make a long story short, I started dating this girl and she weighed approx. 165 @ 5'5.. when we first started dating.. she was one of those girls that was really self conscience about her weight but hid it very well, but when I got to know her better I could tell she wanted to lose weight really bad. One thing she had going for her was that she was very smart (med school) and she had determination and strong will. She took criticism very well so I was very blunt with her. I saw the way she lived and I told her I would help her lose weight cuz she has diabetes history in her family and i used that to help me mask the real reason she needed to lose weight in order for me to pull my pants down and give it to her. I turned her world upside down. From everything to upping her temp of her place to 75 degrees (she had it at 68 and had a ceiling fan on 24/7) I went through her fridge and threw away everything fat, carby, and bad. I played tennis with her 4-6 hours per day 2-3 times a week and also went to the gym with her. She was really into cross fit (it seems to be the trend right now) but I told her cross fit is only good when it's used in small intervals to shock her body in between long cardio work outs. She really really needed cardio which she hated to do...
Now 7 months later she's at 132 now and she's aiming to reach 125. I told her if she hits 125 I would make her my official gf and she agreed and uses that as her motivation. She's also very young 22, I'm 32, but her confidence level has shot through the roof. She now admits she was fat, when in the beginning I used to see her eyes tear up if someone hinted that she was over weight. She also changed her major to pharmacy from MD, and I totally called her out saying that since she lost her weight she doesn't feel the need to justify being fat and become a doctor (I was kidding of course) but she looked at me and smiled and goes.. yeah maybe your right. Only problem she had was that she lost so much weight drastically so fast she had a hormonal imbalance which we had to taper off dieting till they got back to normal.
All in all, I am so proud of her and she is just glowing in confidence and self esteem. I also got a future gf that treats me great and looks good, which btw she is head over heels about me since day one but even much more so today cuz we went through a lot during this process. A skinny girls bod but a fat girls personality.. isn't that every mans dream? She can also cook up a storm which is a huge plus for me and she's into healthy cooking now, it's funny cuz I've gained weight myself since being with her and she tells me that I have to start working out.
Wow I've written a novel.. But to help you out bro.. just be dead honest and put the weight towards (no pun intended) it being a future health issue/hazard. Also make her feel that she's not doing it alone and you got to support her as much as you can. There have been times where I would be starving (she lived right behind a popeyes chicken mind you) but it would be too late for her to eat so I starved with her together. You have to make sacrifices with her.. hope this helps out.
hahah we have polar opposite definitions for the word short.
hahah we have polar opposite definitions for the word short.
Can't imagine what the long version is. But yeah, seriously messed up that this guy won't be her "official" bf until she looses weight. There are much better motiviational tactics than that to acheive a goal.
@OP -- You can start by buying some healthy food? No more processed foods, no more butter, NOTHING. Just straight up Salad & Lean/Red meat. Somewhat encourage her to drink a lot of ice cold water (tell her you read it from a china study) -- it'll increase her metabolism, so it'll help in the process. Seriously, it's all in the food you eat too. I don't know the right word for this -- but maybe change the aura of the house? You know, let's say you have a bar inside your house ... Renovate that bitch and replace it with a treadmill. Replace your E! magazines with Gym stuffs ... Simple things like that will bring a change (Unless she's dead inside and have no motivation to change whatsoever).
Now that's over with. Don't tell her you bought all this shit because you want her to lose weight. Tell her you wanna start eating healthy, YOLO bitch! Don't invite her to your program, let her taste the stuffs you're eating instead, & don't ask if she likes it, just feed that girl. lol
Only really try to vocalize yourself of trying to help her if she wants it, if she tells you that she wants to lose weight -- then invite her to your program.
I'd just nut up and tell her you're starting to have a problem with it. You've supposedly been together for seven years. She's probably not an idiot, so she'll know something is up if you start making subtle attempts at getting her to lose weight.