My Brother sent this to me and i thought i'd share...
We always hear "the rules "
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don'tExpect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Why the **** should I read that BS? Another one of those stupid marriage men-women jokes?
Yo we men like cars. Yo we women like make up. Hahaha. So sweet. We're so different hahaha.
The **** with that, I'm not reading any of that. That's the most useless humor there is and just for the info you suck at humor.
Give me something that would like you know...make me laugh for example?
That's idea of a joke, you know. And you constantly fail at it.
There's an off topic section for threads like those and I don't mind OT threads. I mind bad humor. And you're a bad humor commandor.
We don't give a **** about your oldies jokes. Get with the program, don't gimme me those Home Improvement lame ass jokes.
If you want to be funny, do it with style. Obviously you can't. You're a lame ass dolt with the lame ass sense of humor if you can actually call it a sense.
Humor comes as a 10th sense to you. Unreachable.
Keep being a delusional happy-go-lucky fan and don't try to be something that you're not...um duh huh...funny?
Yeah, you're a wanksta when it comes to humor.
There's an off topic section for threads like those and I don't mind OT threads. I mind bad humor. And you're a bad humor commandor.
We don't give a **** about your oldies jokes. Get with the program, don't gimme me those Home Improvement lame ass jokes.
If you want to be funny, do it with style. Obviously you can't. You're a lame ass dolt with the lame ass sense of humor if you can actually call it a sense.
Humor comes as a 10th sense to you. Unreachable.
Keep being a delusional happy-go-lucky fan and don't try to be something that you're not...um duh huh...funny?
Yeah, you're a wanksta when it comes to humor.
WTF is your problem. If you don't like it then move on to the next thread. You have been a member all of a month and come in to this thread insulting the OP because i didn't find it humorous. Get a life loser.
I did find it funny, not rolling on the floor funny, but funny none the less. It was definetly worth the read.
i was at home for lunch i went into the rest room and hollered "god damn it who left the toilet seat down" i came out and met the blackest eyes staring me down ...but she was trying not to laugh so it's all good
OT: Guys Rules
