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Old 07-24-2008, 05:35 PM   #1
Saw a basketball once
Join Date: Apr 2007
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Default An Open Letter From Sammy D.

My fellow Americans, Canadians and Haitians… My name is Sam Dalembert and I need to set the record straight about something.

Recently, I generously offered my services to the Canadian National basketball team. The Olympics are around the corner and I thought what a nice gift it would be if I made it possible for 11 Canadian hoopsters to wear a medal (gold maybe??) and be celebrated high atop the world’s largest stage.

Plus, the Canadians have long been considered a basketball powerhouse and I wanted to be part of that rich history. (Not to mention, the only other team I was eligible for was the Haitian National team…and they aren’t so hot.)

Anyhoo. So I tell Leo Rautins I’m in. Let’s get busy.

Man, I had big plans for me. I mean I dreamt of sweet Steve Nash alley oops to yours truly. … Maybe even a no-look dish down low from time to time (you know how I’m always ready to receive THOSE bad boys!)

But when I show up to practice, I get no Sam Love at all. Nada. (That’s Canadian for ‘nothing’ I think). Not only is Leo not excited by my presence, he almost seems annoyed that I expect preferential treatment. I mean what the-? I’m an NBA PLAYER, DAMN IT! An actual, authentic, honest-to-goodness NBA player! I mean, how many Leo Rautins jerseys are they selling at Models, hmm? Where the hell is Steve Nash? Where is my butt kissing? Where’s the English language? I mean it’s like they’re in a foreign country up there!

Leo wants to know why I’m not playing good man ‘d’…why my outletting is sloppy…why I’m doggin’ it…why am I shooting from 17 feet…why don’t I box out… Blah blah blah. Hey Leo – ever watch an NBA game? I play like that all the time and still collect a cool million every month. (Even during the OFF season – what a sweet gig!) But worst of all? On Friday, when I go to the team’s administrative building, I’m told there’s no payroll office! Why? Apparently there’s no PAYROLL. I’m up there helping that town win a gold medal for NO MONEY! Have you ever heard of such crap?

Suffice to say I boarded the first flight back. So you see? Leo didn’t dump ME. I dumped HIM. And that’s the truth.

Who knows…maybe now that I’m back I’ll join the U.S. squad. They gotta pay a lot, right?

Anyway, thanks for reading. It feels good to get all that off my chest. But I’m also a little tired of typing…so I’m thinking it might be nap time. Ho hum…it’s not easy being an elite athlete.


Sam Dalembert
Former Canadian Superstar
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Old 07-25-2008, 06:11 PM   #2
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Join Date: Jun 2006
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Default Re: An Open Letter From Sammy D.

got that from the onion or somewhere like that?
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