One will play Four and Two will play Three. Are you listening? The four highest-ranked teams have a chance! That's a 100 percent improvement on what we have now, which is dog meat!
No more Auburns (12-0, ranked third, 2004) getting robbed! No more Cincinnatis and TCUs (both 12-0 in 2009, third- and fourth-ranked) getting double-shafted! No more USCs (12-1 in 2003, third-ranked, with five first-round draft picks) getting reamed!
Scheduling: The dumbest thing college football did in the past 10 years was give away New Year's Day. We take it back with January Joy. The semifinals will be played on Jan. 1 -- no matter what day of the week it is.
The championship game will be played exactly seven days later, because we don't want our student-athletes to miss any more of the classes they never were going to anyway. (Remember lies like that they used to tell us?)
So it's on like ComicCon! Please expect ratings of about 40. And billions more corporate dollars every year from companies wanting to be part of the fun. Will they give it to the athletes? One revolution at a time!
Venues: Some people think No. 1 and No. 2 should get to host the semifinals in the bowls they're attached to now. So if the top-ranked team is from the Big 12, the Fiesta Bowl will hold one. If the top-ranked team is from the SEC, the Sugar Bowl will get one. If the ACC is No. 1, then the ... nah, just kidding.
Of course, that idea is completely moronic.
The most unfair part of the BCS bowls is that they're never north. They're always in the SPF 50 towns. It's unfair to teams like Ohio State and Notre Dame, teams that are built for the snow and the wind and the 4-yard nose-bending gain, to always have to go south to win titles. So we fix that right now.
Therefore, 1 and 2 will play at their home stadiums in the semis.
The championship game will be played in a bowl that will rotate between the Rose, Sugar, Fiesta, Orange and Cotton, unless one of the four teams is from a tied-in conference, in which case it'll take its turn the next season.
You're going, "Oh, no! What about our beloved Mega Dollars Bowl and all our neat-o blazers?" And I say, "Play it! It just won't mean anything, like 34 out of 35 bowl games now."
Teams: Who picks the Finally Four? By the end of the summer, the Twelve Good Men will decide whether to use the current BCS formula, a revised one, or a selection committee.
The selection committee is a bad idea on the order of the AMC Pacer. We'll simply use the same BCS formula we've been using, with one exception: No more computers. Do you really want the same machine that gave you the Love Virus picking your college football champion?