"Deeper Meaning of Liff" - A dictionary of words that don't exist (but should)

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The "Deeper Meaning of Liff" is a dictionary of words that don't exist, but should. Plenty of words are wasted hanging on streetsigns and maps, yet we have nouns, verbs and adjectives with no official word. Let's put them together.

A

AALST (n) One who changes his name in order to be nearer the front.


AASLEAGH (n) A liqeur made only for drinking at the end of a revoltingly
long bottle party when all the drinkable drink has been drunk.


ABALEMMA (n) The agonizing situation in which there is only one possible
decision, but you still can

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B

BABWORTH (n) Something which justifies having a really good cry.


BADACHONACHER (n) An on-off relationship which never gets resolved.


BADGEBUP (n) The splotch on a child

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C

CAARNDUNCAN (n) The high-pitched and insistent cry of the young female
human urging one of its peer group to do something
dangerous on a cliff-edge or piece of toxic waste ground.


CADOMIN (n) The ingredient in coffee creamer that rises to the surface as scum.


CAFU (n) The frustration of not being able to remember what an acronym
stands for.


CAHORS (pl. n) The rushes of emotion triggered by overheard snatches of an old song.


CAIRO (n) The noise of a spinning hubcap coming to rest.


CAIRNPAT (n) A large piece of dried dung found in mountainous terrain
above the cowline which leads the experienced tracker to
believe that hikers have recently passed.


CALICUT (adj) Determined not to let someone see how much his
inadvertent remark has hurt you.


CAMER (n) A mis-tossed caber.


CANNOCK CHASE (n) In any box of After Eight Mints, there is always a large
number of empty envelopes and no more that four or five
actual mints. The cannock chase is the process by which, no
matter which part of the box often, you will always extract
most of the empty sachets before pinning down an actual
mint, or

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D

DAGRON (v) -GT- To hit the button on an elevator or vending machine several
times rapidly in the belief that it will somehow help it move faster.


DALDERBY (n) A letter to the editor made meaningless because it refers to
a previous letter he didn

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E

EADS (pl. n) The sludgy bits in the bottom of a trash can, underneath the actual trash can liner.


EAKRING (ptcpl. v) Wondering what to do next when you

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F

FAIRYMOUNT (vb, n) Polite word for buggery.


FALSTER (n) A long-winded, dishonest and completely incredible
excuse used when the truth would have been perfectly acceptable.


FAMAGUSTA (n) The draft that whistles between two bottoms that refuse to touch.


FARDUCKMANTON (n, archaic) An ancient edict, mysteriously omitted from the Doomsday
Book, requiring that the feeding of fowl on village ponds
should be carried out equitably.


FARNHAM (n) The feeling you get about four o

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G

GAFFNEY (n) Someone who deliberately misunderstands things
for, he hopes, humorous effect.


GALASHIELS (pl. n) A form of particularly long sparse sideburns which are part
of the mandatory uniform of British Rail guards.


GALLIPOLI (adj) Of the behaviour of a bottom lip trying to spit mouthwash
after an injection at the dentist. Hence, loose, floppy, useless.

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H

HADWEENZIC (adj) Resistant to tweezers.


HADZOR (n) A sharp instrument placed in the washing-up bowl which
makes it easier to cut yourself.\


HAGNABY (n) Someone who looked a lot more attractive in the disco than
they do in your bed the next morning.


HALCRO (n) An adhesive fibrous cloth used to hold babies

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I

IBLE (adj) Clever but lazy.


IBSTOCK (n) Anything used to make a noise on a corrugated iron wall or
clinker-built fence by dragging it along the surface while
walking past it.

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L

LACKAWANNA (n) The inability of a New York cab driver to know
where, for instance, Central Park is.


LAMBARENE (adj) Feeling better for having put pajamas on.


LAMLASH (n) The folder on hotel dressing-tables full of astoundingly
dull information.


LAMPETER (n) The fifth member of a foursome.


LAMPUNG (n) The daze which follows turning on the light in the middle of the night.


LANCREIGH (n) -AU- A mood of irrational happiness with everyone and everything.


LARGOWARD (n) Motorists

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M

MAARUIG (n) The inexpressible horror experienced on walking up in the
morning and remembering that you are still Scotty in Star Trek.
Pronounced loudly, as if in pain.


MACROY (n) An authoritative, confident opinion based on one you read in a newspaper.


MALAYBALAY (adj) All excited at suddenly remembering a wonderful piece
of gossip that you want to pass on to somebody.


MALIBU (n) The height by which the top of a wave exceeds the height
to which you have rolled up your trousers.


MANITOBA (n) A recourtship ritual. The tentative and reluctant touching
of spouses

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N

NAAS (n) The windmaking region of Albania where most of the wine
that people take to bottle-parties comes from.


NACTON (n) The

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P

PABBAY (n, vb) (Fencing term.) The play, or maneuver, where one
swordsman leaps on to the table and pulls the battle-ax off the wall.


PANTER (v) -TK- To attempt to psych out one

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Q

QUABBS (pl. n) The substances which emerge when you squeeze a blackhead.


QUALL (v) To speak with the voice of one who requires another to do
something for them.


QUEDGELEY (n) A rabidly left-wing politician who can afford to be that
way because he married a millionairess.


QUEENZIEBURN (n) Something that happens when people make it up after an
agglethorpe (q.v.)


QUENBY (n) A stubborn spot on a window which you spend twenty
minutes trying to clean off before discovering it

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S

SADBERGE (n) A violent green shrub which is ground up, mixed with twigs
and gelatin and served with clonmult (q.v.) and buldoo
(q.v.) in a container referred to for no known reason as a