By Don Ellis

The NBA According To Ellis

Swimming pools. Movie stars.

OK, so LeBron James isn't moving to Beverly (Hills, that is) after striking it rich.

He's staying in Cleveland.

Although I suspect that Cavs owner Gordon Gund is going to be doing his best Mr. Drysdale impersonation over the next decade, doing everything he can to keep Jed - I mean LeBron - and his posse happy.

Yes, folks, the LeBron James story is so big that I didn't even bother to write an NBA Runaround last week. Let's face it, what was there to write about- sure, the three-time defending league champs bit the dust, but so what? The Celtics of the 60's eventually lost, as did the Bulls of the 90's (twice, although it took a pair of retirements by some wanna-be GM named Jordan for that to happen).

In any other NBA post-season, Goliath being slain by David (actually Tim) would be a huge story. But in this, the Summer of LeBron, the Spurs' dethroning of the Lakers is merely a small, inconsequential blip on the radar screen.

In case you've been comatose or locked up in a Turkish prison, let me recap what happened on the night of Thursday, May 22, 2003.

Representatives of the 13 NBA teams that didn't make the playoffs locked themselves in a room with a few league honchos, a couple of impartial bystanders, and (allegedly) a video camera to make sure there was no hanky-panky involved. They stood and watched as four ping-pong balls were pulled out of a hopper, the number combination on those balls holding the keys to the castle for one lucky team- the team that will hold the rights to the number one pick in the 2003 NBA draft. The Cleveland Cavaliers. LeBron James.

A match made in heaven?

Maybe, although I'm sure James' agent (Tom Goodwin, now possibly the most famous agent on the planet) would have loved to have seen a Knicks or even a Bulls logo in the envelope with the big number "ONE" on the front. I would have included the Clippers, but I'm sure that going to that train-wreck of a franchise wouldn't be worth being in the #2 market in the US. But Mr. Goodwin and his family needn't worry, LeBron will make plenty of money in Cleveland to keep everyone happy for many, many years.

But LeBron and the Cavs are a perfect fit. The Cavs have seemingly been snakebitten as a franchise ever since Michael Jordan hit the game-winning shot over Craig Ehlo in Game 5 (if you don't know what shot I'm talking about, you're obviously reading the wrong column). LeBron grew up in Akron, only about an hour's drive from Gund Arena, meaning his homies, his posse, his family, and anyone else in his hometown can go see him play any time they choose. And LeBron will have plenty of money to buy them tickets.

Ninety million dollars? Are you serious? That's what Nike will pay over the next seven years for the honor of having King James wear (and, most importantly, endorse) their shoes. That's about two times what he can earn playing basketball over the seven years, which has to make David Stern and his cronies happier than Granny after a few "doses" of her "medicine" (sorry, that's the end of the Beverly Hillbillies references).

Why is Stern smiling brighter than Cheech and Chong after a three-day weekend in Amsterdam? Because the Collective Bargaining Agreement that he helped pass through the players' union limits James to a salary that is dwarfed by his off-the-court earnings, at least for the next three years. Which means that Nike, not the NBA or the Cavs, will bear most of the burden (and the cost) of promoting James, while the league in general and the Cavs in particular will reap the riches. Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure the league and the Cavs will be forking over a few bills advertising LeBron- but in my 30-something years on this earth, I've never seen a kid more hyped coming into the league as a rookie- not MJ, not Bird, not Magic, not Shaq... nobody.

Is he worth the money? Check back two years from today, and I'll let you know.

If anyone is interested, the playoffs are still going on... although I'm sure ABC is less than thrilled with the Spurs-Nets match-up they've been handed as an NBA Finals. I'll preview that in detail next week if anyone cares to read it...

Does anyone doubt that Mrs. Jeff Van Gundy is now house-hunting in Cleveland? Or will Mrs. Paul Silas (or even Mrs. Larry Brown) beat her to it?

Will the Blazers break the world's record for most pot-heads traded away in one off-season? And did ever a team have a more appropriate nickname?

Now that Cavs' GM Jim Paxson has King James on board, will he make the best of it? Or will he make more bone-headed moves like trading Jamal Crawford for Chris Mihm?

Will the T-Wolves actually consider trading Kevin Garnett this summer? Or will they instead try to move Wally Szczerbiak, whose $8 million salary for next season suddenly looks like a bargain compared to what they are (over)paying for KG?

Will my buddy Brian Schmitz of the Orlando Sentinel (and the Orlando Sports Reporters on ESPN 1080) stick by his prediction that Grant Hill will play next season? And if Hill doesn't play, will Magic owner Rich DeVos finally break down and pay the luxury tax so the Magic can at least get an injury exception for Hill?

Will the Castaways ever get off the island? Will Andy ever let Barney actually put the one bullet he has into his pistol? Will the Caped Crusaders escape Mr. Freeze?

For the answers to these questions and more, tune in next week...

Same Bat-time... same Bat-channel.

Oh, and if you do, I'll try to keep the 60's sit-com references to a minimum, I promise.

Send your questions and/or comments to me at nbarunaround@hotmail.com.