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InsideHoops NBA [Fantasy Basketball]

Fantasy Hoops Tips, Quips, Girlfriend Test

 


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/ Nov. 17, 2004

The Answerman is the first and only alternative Fantasy Basketball and Romance advice columnist on the web. He is here at insidehoops.com to answer all you questions (or at least the interesting ones).

TIPS:

Reggie Evans. We all know that Seattle is playing better than expected. We all know that R.Lewis and R.Allen are shooting the lights out. Why is no one mentioning that Evans is averaging more rebounds than Amare Stoudemire, Marcus Camby and Brad Miller or more steals than Gilbert Arenas and Ron Artest? It's probably because he doesnít score enough points. If you want a guy with a rare combination of categories, look at Reggie Evans.

Chris Wilcox. Heís shooting .581 from the field. His rebounding average is a little lower than I would like (7.6) but he is over 1 block and nearly 1 steal per game. He may not be the next Karl Malone, but he at least the next Dale Davis.

Moe Williams. Do we all know about Moe Williams yet? Do we know about his 8.8 assists (2nd in the league), 5.4 rebounds and 1.0 steals? Do we all know that TJ Ford (the guy whose job heís "holding") continues to be out indefinitely with no return in sight? Just wanted to make sure you guys were paying attention.

For cheap blocks call Brendon Haywood and Kelvin Cato. They donít rebound or do anything else well enough to merit a permanent roster spot, but if you need a few blocks, those are your guys.

Kyle Korver. I hear from a lot of people how good Kyle Korver is. Heís great for 3ís but he is playing the crowded wing position in Philly. While the 3ís will probably keep up, the extra points, steals, or rebounds will probably dip along with his minutes when McKie returns. But, hey, as with his look-a-like Ashton Kutcher - you only get to sleep with Demi Moore for so long - enjoy it while it lasts.

Are we done with Bobby Simmons yet? By all reports Kerry Kittles is coming back soon. The Bobby Simmons era wasnít even all that great. It paled in comparison to the 20, 5, 5, & 1.5 that Flip Murray gave us last year. In his last 5 games he has had 9, 10, & 13 point performances. His FG% ranged from 77% to 22%. For a temp replacement, he is just too up and down for me.

Austin Croshere. Are we seeing a career resurgence from Austin? Heís gotten regular minutes with the variety of injuries/suspensions that have hit Indiana. Heís rebounding the ball better than ever, he shoots it well (48.1%), and is even getting a few steals. Iíd store Croshere on the bench, for now. The health of OíNeal, Pollard, and Artest are all in question. Weíve learned early on that if any of them should get hurt, Croshere plays.

QUIPS:

Occasionally I get friendly e-mails about how wrong I am. I got a great one this week. At first I loved it because he was so clearly right and I was so wrong; but now, I am sort of right again.

David Kankaras writes: What did I tell you about Wade not playing 50 games this season? 2 weeks into it and heís already out. He does not drink enough milk, his bones are too brittle. Steve Francis on the other hand is the truth; he is taking care of the ball better and always finds ways to reward you. Yesterday he shot 3-15, but he made it up with six steals.

Now that Wade came back after missing only 2 games - and Francis is out there shooting 3 for 15, so he wasn't totally right. But he's right that Wade is an injury risk. You have to take that into consideration. For the way he is playing, if Wade gives you 70 games, he is worth it.

Other times I get e-mails from readers telling me how much Iíve helped them.

David writes: Your relationship advice got me hooked up with a chick. Currently passing time in Costa Rica and I was wondering how to turn a friend into an "amiga con derechas" as they call it here. Kinda a tricky subject. Per your advice I mentioned it to a couple of friends, and like magic, Iím smoking a cigarette most nights now.

The Answerman is changing lives all over the world.

THE GIRLFRIEND TEST:

There was a very good movie called "Diner" a while back. The character played by "Police Academy" great Steve Guttenberg subjected his fiancťe to a test on his favorite team - the Baltimore Colts - that she had to pass before he would marry her. The test was brutal.

While it certainly isnít the kindest thing to do, there is a certain logic to it. You have to talk to your spouse about the things that affect your life. To do so, your significant other have to have some fundamental knowledge about these things before you can make a big commitment. So, as a service to you all, these are the questions your girl/boyfriend MUST be able to answer before you make a commitment:

1. What is your favorite team? (1 point)

2. Name three players on your favorite team. (.5 points per player)

(This is crucial You will be cursing about these guys at some point during the season. S/he has to know who you are talking about)

3. What channel is your favorite team on? (1 point)

(May be the most important question on the test. Lets say you are stuck at work and the big game is on. You need it taped. You call home. S/he has to be able to set that VCR/TiVo.)

4. When is basketball season? (1 point, 2 point bonus if s/he mentions the playoffs)

("Winter" is an acceptable answer.)

5. Who is your favorite player, all-time? (2 points)

(If you have an emotionally satisfying story about why this guy is your favorite player, itíll make it much easier. Something like, "One time, when my dad and I watched him play, my dad told me he loved me" )

6. Who is your favorite player, currently playing? (2 points)

(Go easy on her here. Think about the most famous player on your favorite team. I donít care how much you love Darius Songalia, she wonít remember it)

7. Which player do you hate? (1 point - if you pass this question, just give her the point)

(If you donít hate any players, then you can pass on this question. But if hypothetically there is a player you hate, and he get accused of some crime - or other public humiliation, s/he has to know how much you are enjoying it).

8. Tell you about Fantasy Basketball? (1 point)

(If you randomly sign up for leagues, then s/he only has to have an idea what fantasy basketball is and that you do it. If you are part of long-standing league with a lot of your friends, s/he has to know more, i.e. some of the owners, your teamís name, approximately how your team did last season)

9. Who is the greatest player ever? (1 point; Bonus point if s/he gets Oscar Robertson)

(The acceptable answers are Jordan, Wilt, Russell, Jabbar, Magic, Oscar, Bird or any player youíve told her is the greatest)

10. Tell you something she thinks about your favorite team. (2 points)

(This is vital. I donít care if its an analysis of the teamís current cap structure, the team colors, or just "Knicks Rule" - s/he has to be able to form an opinion. If s/he can ask you what you think of her new dress, s/he can tell you something about your team).

You can give partial credit at your discretion. 7.5 points to pass. Good luck.

Thatís all for now. Remember if you have any questions, ask the Answerman@insidehoops.net







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