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NBA Satire: Bulls expanding coaching search

 


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| June 6, 2008

NBA Satire: Bulls expanding coaching searchNote: Inside Hoops is a professional news outlet, but the following article is satire from a fan. It's a light-hearted joke, inspired by The Onion. Enjoy.

Chicago Bulls general manager John Paxson has declared that the team's head coaching search will be expanded to a worldwide search and conducted in the same format as famous television show 'American Idol.'

"We've now interviewed over 45,000 candidates to see who will make the next Bulls coach," said Paxson. "And I realize it's not nearly enough. We've only scratched the surface of possibilities."

Shaking nervously, Paxson has declared that the Bulls will hire an additional 7,500 employees who will comb the globe, interviewing anyone with professional basketball coaching experience.

The team plans to interview anyone who has played basketball, seen it on TV, or been friends with anyone who once wore a Bulls t-shirt.

Additionally, anyone on the planet who has heard of Michael Jordan will also be considered.

"I saw a chubby kid, maybe around 13 years old, wearing a retro Pippen jersey the other day," a twitching Paxson said while dressed head to toe in knock-off Jordan gear. "Now, who am I to say that he doesn't deserve a chance?""

Bulls guard Kirk Hinrich feels Paxson is possibly going overboard. "Jim came to me the other day and asked to interview all of my relatives for the job," said Hinrich. "He then went on and interviewed some of my older, extended family. Grandma Beatrice is 85 years old and doesn't even understand the concept of sports competition. About 7 minutes into the interview, when she started singing old Broadway showtunes instead of answering questions, you'd think it would have been obvious that she'd probably at best be suited to be an assistant coach, yet Paxson pushed on, testing her for leadership ability. She just wanted her bran muffin and eventually started crying."

"I'm having Hinrich's grandma in for a second interview, " said Paxson.

The coaching search's initial two rounds are expected to be concluded before the start of the 2012-13 NBA season.







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